Well, I guess it all started early this week. After spending the weekend alone at a bed and breakfast with Charles, we came home...back to reality.

Sunday and Monday are our days to spend with each other. Our "weekend" so to speak. This coming weekend, he and his friends are going to Penn State for their annual HVZ games, and I knew that he was going to spend time with his friends to prepare for the event. But, I told him that I still wanted our Sunday/Monday. He said, I could have him all day save a few hours he was going to his buddies house. I agreed. Later that night he told me that he was also going there all day Wed, and had taken off work to do so. What he failed to mention was to get this time off he had to switch shifts, and that shift ended up being on Monday. He promised me that he would take me to a movie to make up for it on Wed, so I got over it. So, Monday went like this, he left for work at 4am, got back at 9am, napped til 10:45am, went to work til 3, spend 2 hours online, went to his friends, came home at 8:15pm, watched a little netflix, went to bed. GREAT MONDAY!

Tuesday I worked til 6:30pm and we had plans to take my bro and his friend out for his 21st birthday. We took Josh and Kyle to a bar and got them hammered. We got home around 11:30, and went to bed shortly after.

Today, I worked all day til 5pm. I got home he wasn't here yet. He gets home, we eat dinner and I asked about our out plans. He said he had a headache and we could stay in and watch a movie and he'd make it up to me on Monday. After an hour and a half online he tells me how tired he is, and asks me to pick out a movie. I already know whats gonna happen, the movie is going to go on, he's going to fall asleep and I'm going to spend the night with me, myself, and I while he sleeps. If we had gone out, he wouldn't have been able to fall asleep during the movie. All I wanted was that 2 hour time frame to spend with him before he goes away for the weekend.

I get torn between my feelings, I'm mad at him for taking our out time away. But I also understand that he had a headache and was tired. By all rights I shouldn't be mad at him at all for being tired. I feel like I'm more sad then mad. Sad that I'm spending the night by myself, sad that he's going away, and sad that the last night we coulda had together before my overnight weekend and his away weekend starts he's sleeping. I hate feeling this way. I feel completely selfish and justified at the same time. /sigh

Sorry this was a CD rant guys. If anyone reads this I understand that you go through much longer periods away from your SOs. Just had to blog out my feelings.