It's been a while since I've blogged. I don't really think I've had much to write about up until lately. As November came to a close and December slowly moved along, I find myself growing sadder and sadder. I feel lonely and alienated. It's not from everyone, just my friends and my SO.

I don't see my friends a lot. I accept that. All the friends I've made from high school on have scattered around NY state. It's hard to make time with our busy schedules to hang out. It's even hard to find time to talk on the phone and catch up. Of all my friends I see one once a week for dinner and that's about it. I can see this contributing to my isolation. I had a falling out with that friend that I mentioned in another blog. I felt myself growing more and more bitter towards his lack of effort towards our friendship. Finally one of my other friends, her husband, my SO and him went to the movies to see the Doctor Who 50th anniversary special. I ripped into him the entire night about being an asshole, and in a moment of frustration he said he didn't care. This kinda shattered me and I ran out of the restaurant crying. My SO and friend Christal followed me out and consoled me, but he made no attempt. My SO still wants to deck him, and I'm just sorta of numb towards everything. We have plans to have lunch on Monday to settle things out. This voice inside me is just saying he made time for me because all of his new friends went home for the Christmas holiday and won't be back til next semester. Maybe I should just settle that that is how its going to be from now on.

December has also marked a year and six months for Charles and I. It also marks peak season for UPS. This means 12am start times half the week for him. Honestly I just miss him. And I know complaining about missing my SO even though I live with him is nothing to most of the people on this website, but as of right now I almost feel like I have a roommate not a SO. Our week has basically looked like this since black Friday; Sunday, I go home and sleep, he putzes around on the computer, I wake up and go to work. I get home at 9, he's in bed. He leaves at 12am (Monday), and comes home around 9:30am. He naps til 2pm, I'm up watching TV. He wakes up, we shower, pack up laundry, go do laundry. He goes to a chiropractor apt, we grocery shop, and go home. We make dinner, he putzes on the computer while I watch TV, he goes to bed. Rinse and repeat for Tuesday, except I go to work at 3pm and get home at 9pm to find him sleeping. Wed the same, except he doesn't come home in the morning, he goes to his second job at 11am. Thursday he goes to work at 2am, second job at 11am, I go to work at 4pm and don't come home til 9am Friday morning. If I'm lucky I see him for an hour before I leave for work at 4pm, and I again come home at 9am Sat morning. I sleep through the day, see him for an hour before I leave for work and then again home at 9am Sunday morning.

This has been the norm everyday. We've had sex once this month, he's always tired and working and so am I. I flat out told him we need US time. Our only day off together is errand day. It sucks so much. There are at least three movies we both want to see, but we haven't even made an effort to get to the movies and see them. I just feel lonely and detached. I want a day where we can go out and enjoy each others company, or a day where we lay in bed all day together. I really can't wait for this month to get over.

Oh, I'm also broke from Christmas shopping, there have been two major snowstorms this month, I would complain about the cold but its 50 degrees outside in NY at the end of December. I just want the weather to settle on a temperature I'm so sick of this flip flopping. Let's see, I got caught sleeping at one of my jobs by first shift staff, who assured me they know that's not my normal behavior and it wouldn't go anywhere. I was contacted today by my shift supervisor to tell me I had a med error at work, what an awesome wake up call. December go away!