I've been kinda depressed for a couple months now. Nothing severe, just an overall feeling of hopelessness and hatred of what my life has become. I love my boyfriend, I love my friends and I love my apartment and the critters that reside therein. What I don't love is where I work, my weight, and my lack of motivation (which could be due to the whole depressed thing). I'm not normally a highly motivated person, but typically I can push myself to clean up around the house, search and apply for jobs, or go visit my family. I'm finding it hard to do any of it.

When I went to school, I wanted a BA in psychology. What comes after getting the degree? If you don't go back to school? Absolutely nothing! Yes, I got a job in my field. Do I like it? At first I did, it was like hey i'm getting paid to stay up all night! woohoo! Now after 5 years of it it's become something I dread. I hate Thursdays, I don't get to see Charles at all, I go to my job at Stop and Shop, have dinner with a friend and go to work again. I get home at 8am and sleep. Than I do it all over again. It's becoming too much. I want a normal Mon-Fri, 9-5 job. But I can't find anything!

I would consider going back to school to get my masters. I'd had ambitions to get a masters in psych so I could become a behavior specialist, but I just can't afford it. My second thought was going back to school for something like a physicians medical assistant, to get me a decent job for the time being and then when the opportunity presents itself go get my masters. The certificate program is about three months and costs about a grand. I could afford that.

Then there is that whole motivation thing. How do I motivate myself to start the process of this stuff? I mean at this point all I can motivate myself to do is go to work and clean my pets homes. Occasionally the dishes, and straightening up around the house. If I find my motivation maybe i could convince myself to work out and lose some pounds too. Maybe it's just this winter and it's dreariness setting in. It has been an unbelievably harsh winter in NY.

Ugh! I don't know. The only thing that makes me happy now a days is my bf n the critters. I just don't know what to do...I need money to life, but the way to get the money is dragging me down. I don't even know what the point of this blog was. Oh well...