Charles and I ding 2 years in less than a month. We are kind of in that fight phase of the relationship. Not crazy fights where things get thrown and we scream a lot, just minor disagreements here and there. We rarely have big drawn out fights. Monday was one of them. It was our first day of vacation. I had worked an extra overnight on Sunday so I had plans to sleep til I wanted to wake up and I did. When I woke up Charles tells me we are going to see Spiderman 2 at 4pm with his brother. That was fine with me. Some days I wake up not hungry, and Monday that's how it went. I knew that by the time we went to the movie or by the time it was over I would be hungry, so I asked Charles to put a piece of pizza in the oven for me while I showered. He didn't because he got distracted on the computer. So, I quickly put the pizza in the toaster oven to cook a little. I figured I'd eat it in the car and he hadn't hinted that there was any sense of urgency. I pull the pizza out and realize we had no paper plates. He more or less yells to put it on a paper towel. I'm like no, the grease will get all over the place. At which point he storms out of the house to sit in the car and wait. Overreaction, check! I grabbed a piece of tin foil put the pizza on it and ran out the door.

Now, he's angry and feels rushed because we are running late. And by late I mean 5 minutes. He's driving like a maniac, speeding, swerving, switching lanes constantly, and tailgating. Let's not forget the cursing at the people in other cars. I tell him to slow down and chill and he yells again how we are running late and it's my fault. I wasn't about to argue the fact that had he made my pizza like I'd asked him to we would have been out the door on time. Anyway, we reach the theatre and as predicted we are a whole 5 minutes late to the movie. So, I tell him it's ok we just missed a couple previews. He snaps again, "I don't like to be that guy that disturbs everyone once they've settled into the movie". OK whatever! I've never had any issues being a few minutes late because I really don't care if we miss a preview or two. Also, its not like the movie is in its opening weekend. It's 4pm on a weekday, the theater isn't going to be packed, I don't think we are going to disturb anyone. But whatever, we go in, I buy tickets, he buys food. We sit down, I'm too distracted by our fight to eat any of it. As the movie continues i begin to sulk into my emotions, and by the end I'm a teary mess. Yes, the ending of the movie was a huge trigger. I tried my damndest to shut the water works off when we left and I succeeded...until he touched me. I pushed away and started balling again. He storms off out the doors to the theater, leaving me and his brother behind. I excused myself to the bathroom to get the rest of the tears out. Then me and his brother walk out to follow Charles.

When we get out there it looks as though he's about to leave without me, but then changes his mind. His bro reassures me that if Charles was dumb enough to do that he would drive me home. Anyway, we say good bye and I get into the car. Charles immediately says, "is there something you want to talk about?" I wasn't going to bring up the pizza thing, I just wasn't so I simply told him that whenever we get into a fight I feel like it's my fault. I felt like I caused him to blow up and leave the mall. He said he feels the same. Whenever I'm upset it's his fault. I told him it was his touch that caused me to cry...which he took the wrong way. I told him I don't like to cry in front of him, I feel like it's emotional blackmail in a way. I don't know why him talking to me or touching me made me cry harder. It's just always been like that with any boyfriend. I can self sooth myself until they interfere, than I break.

So, we drive home in silence. When we get home we sit in the driveway forever. Finally he speaks. What he says left me speechless. "I am always angry and I don't know why. I'm never happy and I don't know why." So I ask him, if I make him happy, or if he's happy when he's with me. He tells me being with me is the closest thing he's ever felt to happy. He said he's good at pretending to be happy. I ask him if he loves me, he says of course he does. He loves me very much. At this point, I didn't know what to say. It was so much information. I got out of the car and sat in the driveway to smoke a cigarette. After a few minutes he helps me up and walks me to the steps and we sit smoking together. When we finish we stand and embrace before going inside. We sit on the couch and I ask him if he's ever considered therapy for these feelings. He said he didn't think it would help. To which I replied it might, what do you have to lose. He shrugged. The rest of the night was short, we were both exhausted emotionally.

Right now, I don't know what to do. The rest of the week went really well we had a lot of fun. Still, I wonder what to do with this information. He's never been happy, and he's not happy with me. He's always angry with life in general. I'm convinced he needs therapy for this. I just don't know how to convince him. He's never ever been violent with me or our pets. He may throw things when frustrated, not in any random direction. He may hit a wall or slam a door but that's as far as it goes. I just think he needs help.