I have never had high self esteem. I've never found myself attractive. I've never understood guys attraction to me in the least. Let alone obsession.

Back in my 20's, before I worked nights every single weekend, I used to hang out with my bff Heather a lot. Her then boyfriend (now husband) was in a band. She would invite me to shows to keep her company because she hated the other bandmates girlfriends. During my appearances at these shows I would chat up the band sometimes, and it became quite clear that one of them, a guy named Mike, had a thing for me. Which would be awesome, accept he had a girlfriend. I also had a boyfriend at the time. So, we'd talk, innocently flirt and move on.

Now, I love my friend Heather but she is a terrible influence when it comes to being loyal to ones SO. She began urging me to sleep with Mike because she and everyone in their little group HATED his girlfriend. Heather's hatred was derived from the fact that this girl wanted Heather's man (Jerm), who hadn't given her the time of day. It was thought by their group that she started dating Mike to remain close to the group and eventually try to get with Jerm. Anyway, I wasn't into the whole sleep with a guy who is taken idea. I also would never cheat on my boyfriend.

Eventually my relationship ended, so I was now single....so Heather pushed harder. Still, not a home wrecker and wasn't going to do anything to break up Mike and his gf. He wasn't so loyal. He would go out of his way to talk to me, sit by me and eventually started talking to me on facebook behind his gfs back. He also acquired my phone number from....come on guess! So he started texting me. But he wasn't always doing so, it was when they had a fight. So, he was even more persistent that I should come over and we should hook up. That never happened, and by the time he and that gf finally did break up I was with Wes. It was also at that time that my presence on the scene stopped because I started working overnights on the weekends.

Still he'd hit me up occasionally to chit chat. We found out we were both nerds and had quite a lot in common. I was fine with the casual chat. Every now and then he would bring up hooking up, and I would just stop the conversation and stop talking to him. He eventually got another girlfriend, when Wes and I broke up. It feels like we've played this game for years now. We are never single at the same time and I will not cheat. I've made it perfectly clear nothing will ever happen while we have SOs and that was good enough for a while. I got with Charles, and he is still with that girlfriend. We stopped talking. He didn't even say hi at Heather and Jerm's wedding. We hadn't spoken in years!!!

Out of the blue today...I get a text. It's casual...he was feeling me out. I made it clear I have a boyfriend, I love him, and nothing is going to happen. He claims he loves girlfriend, but I have severe doubts he loves her as much as he says he does. If he did he wouldn't be so open to cheating on her. He claims he'd rather have me as a friend then not at all. That's fine, but I don't think his motives are so pure.

But I really do not get it. This has literally been a thing for 6+ years now. Spurts of not talking for years and I haven't seen this kid in at least 2. How do I just pop into his head again? I'm like this forbidden fruit he can't have and it kills him. And I just don't get this at all. I am not a prize! I don't stand out, wth is with this obsession? My ex Alex was like that too! but I also took his V card and guys tend to obsess over the girl that deflowered them lol! Mike, I just don't get at all. He's got a hot foreign girlfriend, they've been together for years and it comes back to me? /facepalm. I've let him know already that the timing for us was never there and it never will be. He needs to get past this. Time isn't helping and I'm certainly not feeding the fire, bc when he starts talking kink he gets shut down immediately. Now i'm just rambling lol!

So yea...all i know at this point is, if he continues to try to get me to cheat with him there is no friendship. If he really wants me as a nerd friend even though nothing will ever happen he needs to act like it. Men!