So I came back from second visit to my bf in states. We spent really amazing 12 days, but after 5 months of being apart this just won't cut it. It's not enough.

I'm starting my master degree at Uni, which means that I'm choosing to be stuck in this country for next two years, instead of trying to move over to US... It feels terrible, like I'm purposefully avoiding closing the distance and making next 2 years so much harder. But on the other hand, with only bachelor degree, how can I get a job that will sponsor my visa? Probably can't, so I'm doing this to secure myself better future.

At least that's what I need to think about, because it's just so freaking depressing having to choose.

Our next possible date will be around X-mas, but it really depends on how our exams are going to be and when.

2 days before I left to visit him, I was thinking about ending this. After the visit nothing has changed- still having the same thoughts. I'm not handling the separation and the uncertainty about how on earth will we ever manage to live together.

I'm actually scared that I'll do or say something stupid, which makes me avoid my bf as much as possible.