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“A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation; I the Lord will hasten in his time.” Isaiah 60:22
I finally have an answer as to why Taron and I have had to go long distance. I couldn’t live without him when he lived here – and also maybe slightly because I have never had to be patient for this long for something I’ve wanted to badly. We were constantly hanging out and doing things together. I hate to admit it but I became that person that pushed her friends away so I could spend all my time with Taron and maybe, just maybe, God saw that as a problem. So in His timing, He sent Taron down to Texas. And let me tell you—His timing couldn’t have been any more perfect. I didn’t see it at the time, but I sure do now.
Taron lost his job in December right before I was leaving to go home to Boise for a month. We spent our last week and half laughing and doing as many things as we could before we both left Pocatello. His perfect timing part? The Lord KNEW I would go home to be comforted by my family. I would have a support system and parents that went through the same long distance ordeal for five years while they were in college. Taron wouldn’t have to feel as guilty packing up his life while I had to stay in a small town stuck with nothing but memories.
So why did Taron have to leave? We were inseparable; I was always with him, or he was always with me. I believe that the Lord saw this as a problem. He wanted us to learn to live apart from each other so we could both continue to grow as people. And that’s just what happened. Let me tell you, long distance can take a huge toll on your relationship. Jealousy, sadness, fear, hatred…those thinking patterns will destroy you. T and I had never really had a big fight. We were never tested in our relationship before and now through long distance, it has been nothing but a big test. I will admit, the first 2 or 2.5 months I was every single one of those things. And I knew it was taking a toll on Taron and I knew that in my heart I was just tearing myself apart too. So did God—he knew exactly what was happening.
One day I heard a voice in the back of my head telling me to just give it to God. “Stop worrying, stop over-thinking, start trusting, and most of all, start living your own life.” Something just clicked. I stopped living and waiting for Taron to call me and text me. It was actually really hard and I almost felt guilty. I didn’t want Taron to think that I was moving on without him. It hasn’t been easy by any means either. In fact, it really hasn’t started to improve until recently. I’ve stopped waiting for calls, stopped planning my days around T, quit sulking around, and actually started to be positive. Phone calls and FaceTime are something that I look forward to everyday. Yes, I still get upset if we don’t have time to talk, but they aren’t things that control my day anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I want Taron here to experience life with me so bad it hurts. But if God thinks this is the right thing, then it’s the right thing. A few weeks ago, Taron got a job that is going to bring him home again and I am so excited. He’s closer than he was before, now being in California, and my patience is being tested quite a bit. I know that he will be home in a few weeks, but we aren’t exactly sure when. The Lord is just dipping our feet into the water. I know that I have to focus on work, school, family, and friends still when he comes back. God knows if I could, I would fall back into old habits quickly. I believe the Lord is slowly bring Taron back to Idaho but is also making the transition slow because He wants me to learn from this—not just fall back into old ways.
From these last few months, the biggest lesson I have learned is that GOD IS SO GOOD. He is going to test you and push you to your limits, but He is going to give you something so much better after the fact. God will break you in order to build you up and make you a better person. When you keep your faith in the Lord, He does amazing things.