I recently was offered an increase in the number of hours I teach and the subjects of my interest and choice... For the second semester '13
You see, when they hired me, they didn't take into consideration the subjects I was interested in and that we talked about during the interview. Instead, they assigned me a subject that was never my favorite during my undergrad studies and still isn't. That's why I specialized in something different. But since I need the money, I accepted.
Am I happy with the decision? Well, I never thought I would end up teaching, but it was like the perfect opportunity:
- It fits to my boyfriend' and I short term plans: me moving to Germany for the 2nd half of '13 and live together for a period of 6 months. We want to test our relationship, before making any major/life changing decisions. The contract I signed is just for the first semester, so great.
- I am able to save the money I need, because at the moment I am living with my mom, who is thrilled to have me back with her. My parents are divorced and unlike my dad, my mom decided she didn't want to find a new person to spend the rest of her life with -she lives alone-. I am of course, also happy to spend this time with her, just afraid it will break my heart when I have to leave again.
- I am exploring a new field and getting some experience, even if it is not what I really want to work in. But, I think a veeery big gap would not look good on my resume.
- It's helped me to get back on track. I was depressed without a job and had way too much free time to overthink things, which caused me what I think were panic attacks, at least twice - man, was that scary!-
So, if I put things into perspective, yes, I am happy with the decision and enjoy the job most of the times.
There are of course moments in which I want this time to pass very fast, times in which I realize I don't have the patience needed to teach and handle a group of 31 students (ok, we are two teachers in the classroom, since the subject is more practical than theoretical), times in which I question how beneficial -or not- can it be, to have 2 teachers in the classroom.
Anyways, the things is: next week I need to give them an answer regarding the offer. I promised my boyfriend I was moving to him this August, I gave him my word. We have plans waiting for us, we want to do this and we have been working on it. So, if I am consequent with everything, the answer to the job offer has to be NO, that's clear. How do I tell them? It doesn't worry me too much.
However, no matter how sure I feel about my boyfriend, our relationship and our plans; there is still a small part of me that makes me wonder if am I making the right decision. I guess I am a little bit afraid, I want to think that is normal. But when I think about the future and the things I want and dream for myself, my boyfriend' and I dreams/plans as couple, how good our relationship is despite the distance, then I know it's the right thing to do and this is far from being naive.
I just, I just... I just wish I was more driven? determined? self confident?... Can't find the right word. I switched my brain to spanish and have this expression in my mind but can't really find a way or right words to translate it into english.
off to sleep.... sigh!
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Schlafmütze started a blog post And so it is...And so it is...
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Also, why not live with him for the school break in summer? It should be a one or two months break no?
In this 1 or 2 months you can see how it works out living together and then maybe you can move permanently in 2014?
From personal experience I can tell you that even a shorter amount of time is enough to see if it works out. I moved in with my ex and after a week I already knew that it didn't and with my SO it was still fine after three months.
- I will be taking a 6 months intensive german course. Mon - Fri
- That being said, I will apply for a student visa/language student visa. With that kind of visa, according to what we have read in different portals -officials and no officials- in Germany you are allowed to work as an employee up to 90 days or 180 half days per year. So the ideal and what we are looking into, is for me to find a part time job good for the time I am allowed to work. I am open to intern, as they normally last that exact period of time and it would give me a sense of how things are done in Germany in my field or just about the job scheme there. I also am looking to being exposed to the language as often as possible.
- We already lived under the same roof for nearly a month and it was great. The thing is, we were mostly touring around and visiting different cities here in Colombia. Plus we stayed at my mom's house while in my city. So, sometimes according to the situation and the people around, you behave on a particular way. Even more if you are a bit shy, don't speak the locals language; as is and was the case for my boyfriend. All in all we are aware, that, in order to get a real sense of what living together will be like, we need to do it for longer than just 1 month, just he and I under the same roof, experiencing and dealing with everyday situations,etc.
- We are indeed aiming at moving permanently in 2014. We are honestly both ready to settle and we both want to start a family soon. I recently turned 28 and he will be 32 this year. We also don't want to be long distance longer than 1 year (we've been together for 9 months now), but at the same time we don't want to make life changing decisions based only in the few weeks we have spent physically together and the video and chat conversations over Skype.