I feel like I am becoming an hypochondriac. This all started about a year ago and I must confess I hate feeling like so. I hate it when my mind starts imagining the worse case scenarios regarding my health and how it turns every small symptom into something tragic or life threatening.
I want to believe that since I have been an overall healthy person, never been hospitalized, hardly visited the doctors in the past; I simply am finding it difficult to deal with the ailments that are affecting me lately.

For example I suffer from back pain, especially in the lower back and the hips. Sometimes the pains are stronger than others and I have tried to monitor when the pain is stronger and when not. I hate when my mind starts thinking that very surely I have some disease on my bones, that it will be impossible for me to have a normal pregnancy because I am not going to be able to endure the pain on my back, that I will not be able to work enough because the pain affects me so much, that I will not be able to play with my children and what is worse, that I'm going to end in a wheelchair. What the heck?

While I was in Colombia I visited to doctors regarding this issue and also because I began to feel tingling on my left leg and a lot of pain on the left knee. The results of the tests came out well, and yet the discomfort persist.
I must admit that I have in part contributed to the problems on my back. When I was younger I always adopted the worst sitting positions and during the two years I lived in Barcelona, I had the worst mattress ever (if that can be called so) and from there began the problems on my back.
The pains on the knee also began in Barcelona, after a spinning class. I think I injured my knee because I did not adjust bike's chair at a suitable height.

I do not want this to turn into a long post, but well, now it seems that all has been blended and it saddens me to have pain, it saddens me to not feel in a 100 %, I get mad at myself when my mind imagines absurd things, without justification: That my heart is not functioning well, that something is wrong with my bones or blood, that I have cancer or a tumor, that the left side of my body is going to paralyze. For Christ's sake, how can a mind imagine so much no sense? It scares me! specially because I believe in the power of the mind. I hate sending such horrible thoughts to my brain. I am considering taking an executive health check once I am back in Colombia. I don't do it here because of the language barrier, but mostly because it is of course not covered by my health insure. All I want is peace of mind.

German Classes

I decided I am repeating the B2 course. I enrolled for 3 levels: B1, B2 and C1. But, who am I kidding? I haven't had that much progress this time and I want to learn the language right. I am not interested in fancying a certificate that doesn't reflect the reality. I need to be honest with myself, and well I know I don't have a B2 level. So yes, I am repeating this class from January until the end of February.
Unfortunately my resident permit is linked to the language school, so I can't change schools. I talked to the secretary and told her my concerns. She said it is quite sure that the teacher will be changed, due to many complains from the students. I honestly can't wait for this level to be over. I have lost all interest, I keep checking the time when I am in the classroom, I don't feel like doing the homework's, it's hard to get up in the mornings… it's awful! All my classmates, including the ones from the afternoon class are experiencing the same feelings.

Talking about the classes, today there was a very awkward situation in the classroom. There is a girl from Cameroon which belongs to the afternoon course, but since last week she has come to our class because she found a job in the afternoons. The girl has a very strong body odor. My classmates don't do anything but complain about it, between themselves. Today they all decided to sit in different places and super far away from the girl and to open the windows -it's freaking cold-. She was sitting next to me and even though I am also bothered by the strong smell, I didn't want to change my place because I thought it was a bit rude and I thought of how rejected that girl could feel.
During the pause my classmates told the teacher that she must do something about it because it is impossible to concentrate in the class with such a bad smell, which gives them headaches and bellyaches. The teacher was surprised! At the end of the class the teacher told the girl that she needed to talk to her and took her to a different classroom. Since that time I have not done anything but thinking how should be this girl feeling and what would her reaction be tomorrow. My classmates were laughing triumphant and I don't do anything else but feeling bad about it.

Oh man, this is already long and I have yet to write about the most important thing: My SO and our future together. I guess there will be a third post just for it. This post turned too long and the boyfriend might come home any time soon, so this will be it for today.