What should I expect when he's deployed?

[NavyWife]

I don't know when yet, it's just been on my mind lately. But, I guess what I want to know is, does the time go by fast? I mean with these mandatory 8 month deployments it just makes me so upset to think I won't see (or likely hear from) him for that long. My hope is he will be stationed somewhere and won't be deployed for like a year or two, that gives us time together and time to make friends on base. Also, are the other men and women "left behind" very supportive? Or will I just find myself alone? (I think of the show The Unit when I think about women on base. Very supportive and getting together a lot. I hope thats how it is..)

Another question sort of unrelated, how long after your marriage did you wait to have children? I KNOW I'M 20. I'm not looking for the "oh you're so young" and "have time to enjoy your marriage". The thing is, with us, having children will help us enjoy our marriage that much more! Plus, it is the only thing I know for sure I want in life besides him. We talk about kids a lot!

Any encouragement, advice, telling me I'm an idiot will be greatly appreciated!

[nottheprincesspeach]

I don't know when yet, it's just been on my mind lately. But, I guess what I want to know is, does the time go by fast? I mean with these mandatory 8 month deployments it just makes me so upset to think I won't see (or likely hear from) him for that long. My hope is he will be stationed somewhere and won't be deployed for like a year or two, that gives us time together and time to make friends on base. Also, are the other men and women "left behind" very supportive? Or will I just find myself alone? (I think of the show The Unit when I think about women on base. Very supportive and getting together a lot. I hope thats how it is..)

Another question sort of unrelated, how long after your marriage did you wait to have children? I KNOW I'M 20. I'm not looking for the "oh you're so young" and "have time to enjoy your marriage". The thing is, with us, having children will help us enjoy our marriage that much more! Plus, it is the only thing I know for sure I want in life besides him. We talk about kids a lot!

Any encouragement, advice, telling me I'm an idiot will be greatly appreciated!

Okay, I have gone through this with exes, friends, and my brother. Notably my brother was the hardest and most accurate to how you will feel. The time does not really pass quickly. It is even more stressful because you worry. But the most important thing to remember is if you are hearing nothing it is NOT a bad thing. Hearing nothing is good. Often others in your situation or that have been in that situation are supportive. It is part of military culture. I'd try and develop those friendships before he leaves. Don't watch the news while he's gone, just don't.

I am someone who doesn't know if they even want children, so I am not the best person to answer this question. I can picture my life without kids very satisfied. It will be a more difficult choice to have kids for me than to not. But I think as a general rule it is a good idea to enjoy being married for a year or two. My brother didn't (because they were older and biological clock is all) and said if it weren't for that he would have. They are exhausted all the time now and can't really spend as much time together as they would like.

[NavyWife]

Thank you! That helps!

[LittleBox]

Will you still be able to write to him when he deploys. My boyfriend is in the Airforce and will be deploying soon for 6 months. Neither of us know quite what to expect other it requiring a lot of patience. We've talked about writing to each other if on the off chance he won't be able to get to a computer. At least I have the peace of mind knowing he won't be deploying into a war zone.

[nottheprincesspeach]

Mail is really slow, but possible. It always took a couple weeks for stuff to get there. I did a lot of care packages with lots of socks and beef jerky. Those were the two biggest requests I get. Well that and magazines and books, and little game things to keep the boredom away.

[ErinKristine]

What kind of deployment is he likely to have? A sea deployment or boots on the ground? If he's at sea communication can be difficult and more infrequent than boots on the ground. Internet access is often unlikely when he will he will be at sea.
When my ex was deployed the time went by quickly, I was working full time and filled free time with friends and activities. You will want to find things that occupy your time and as much as you may want to wait by the phone, computer or mailbox to hear from him; that's what made the time go by slower for me. When he was deployed we talked on Skype twice in year he was away and only had a couple conversations over Facebook. We weren't married so I wasn't around other spouses or significant others going through the same thing, but there are groups on base that help. Once he gets to his duty station ask him to find out about the family readiness group for his unit and the programs fleet and family services offers, then once you two are married be sure to attend meetings and get to know the others in his unit.

As for having children, my husband and I are waiting a year or two to have children. He would like to get promoted at least once more (which will be a year from now). I would like to have secured full-time employment because we want to have an adequate amount of money saved in order to pay for baby supplies and other bills if my place of employment does not have paid maternity leave or if I choose to take more time off following the allowed amount of time my job lets me take. This next thing is just something that I realized a few years ago and I do not intend it be a preachy thing, just something that I realized about myself....When I was 20-23 I felt like the only thing I truly wanted and was meant to do was to have children and be married, but now that I am 26, have pushed myself to do more, found a career I feel passionately about and just immersed myself in spending time with friends and experiencing new things I realize that I likely would not have done any of that if I had children a few years ago. My husband and I were actually just talking about this the other night because we both know a lot of people who had children in their early 20s and at the time we both wanted children, but waited and now we are happy that we have waited to have kids because we have lived more. We talk about kids a lot and know that they will make our marriage better, but we also know that raising our kids will be better if we enjoy just being the two of us for some time, especially since we have spent so much time apart.

Also, since you are worried about when he will deploy think about that too when considering when to have children. He may be gone during all or part of your pregnancy, or soon after the baby is born. If you want him around for a lot of the pregnancy and soon after then you two should try to plan that. You have probably thought of things, but I just wanted to throw them out there.

[NavyWife]

He will be at sea, he is ABE...and yeah I have thought about all the stuff about kids, its just something I've had on my mind lately. You can tell when you look at my pinterest lol Thank you guys so much.

[ErinKristine]

Oh I hear that! My pinterest is filled with baby stuff, gotta love trying to plan a life around the military.

[NavyWife]

Pinterest is life.

[ErinKristine]

Hahaha it totally is! I send my guy so many links to things on there that are baby and house related.

[NavyWife]

Haha! Me too!