New to this - coping?

[Nymeria]

Ok.
I don't really know what I want with that Thread. I just feel like I Need to write some things down, get it off my chest preferably to be read by People who know what I'm talking about. ( I got another "it's only this and this many weeks, you'll get through" yesterday - urgh)

During summer Holiday I met this guy and started talking to him in a bar. Soon enough, we were talking Jobs. I guess i expected anything but the answer I got. So I almost choked on my drink I think when he told me "I'm a Marine", and had him repeating it about three times until I was able to process the Information. (no, I can't by the life of me understand why anyone would join the Military. No offense, I just don't seem to get it). Anyway, we talked for a Long time, went out together that night and the night after.
The day I left I gave him my number. We haven't stopped texting and calling every now and then since then.

He told me on Holidays that he will be away for a time in autumn. Before he went, we saw each other twice, and it has been amazing.
Well, now he's gone (and we are through more then half, luckily) he does have wifi every now and then and then we message and call if we may.
But we can never know if he has or hasn't got a way of getting in contact. Like yesterday he told me he might not have wifi till he gets back home.
And I know i can consider myself lucky as others don't have contact with their Military SO for month and month at a time.
I arranged a flight to see him on a date we thought was just a week after he returned home, but of course, all the Dates have been changed and now he's home even earlier. I know I should like that, and this is good, but I arranged a flight close to his return date because I thought that I can't have him so close and not see him as soon as I can. Argh!
Shortly after I met him this summer, they thought they had to leave four weeks earlier then scheduled but then they didn't.

How do you men and women cope with those constant change of plans and the never knowing what/if/when?
I am trying to keep busy, but there have got to be other things I can do.
I know I'm in a very comfortable place, and have it great compared to other couples in the same Situation, I have just never been through anything like it and sometimes I feel like I can't cope.

Also, before I met him I have been single for quite a few years. This is the first guy that blew me away in ages, and he really did. He is a hero in making me feel special and he goes above and beyond to let me know I'm on his mind. We've not talked about if I'm his girlfriend or not officially, but the way we talk, there's not much to talk about, it's just how it is.
Sometimes I feel like it's typically me - I don't have a man for ages, and then when I do, and when I manage to open my heart and let one in, it has got to be the most complicated and inconvenient option I could think of.

[R&R]

You learn flexibility and to go with the flow. Things are beyond his control and yours. You have to face that reality and decide if this is something that you can deal with and do it without becoming upset or bitter about it.

My daughter has been dating a Marine for over 2 years. They got serious not long after he got out of boot camp. He was then in North Carolina (she's in New Hampshire) and took a position in the MSG program. This is a 3-year program and he has just started his second year. For the first two years he was/is in locations she can not go to. He is only home for two weeks out of each of the first two years and for this second year, the date has already changed 4 times. It frustrates her but she just adjusts her plans accordingly.

I have also dated military and she asked me how I coped. I'm always honest and don't sugar coat anything when it comes to my kids. I told her flat out "You suck it up and deal with it. You chose a military man. It's not going to be easy sometimes. Long distance is hard and military can be even harder. You are going to have to be supportive, flexible, positive and there for him. If you feel this is something you can't do, then don't give him false hopes and end it."

She has stuck with him, knowing it's not forever and that he is worth it. They have their days and their arguments sometimes. He loves her and is there for her as much as he can be while he's overseas. I will be very lucky to have him as a son-in-law one day and I think they will continue to make each other very happy. It boils down to are you willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be in the relationship?

[Nymeria]

Thanks for your words!
Your daughter seems to be a very strong person

I know it's all down to me, and I am willing to dive into it and do whatever I can to be in it and keep it up.
It is, as you say, frustrating at times, annoying, upsetting and what not. And then, yeah, the thought crosses my mind that this wasn't what I wished for when I thought about having someone in my life again.
Then I also sometimes think it's never gonna work out.
But all that is gone as soon as I hear from him again, and as I have always been this "happy-go-lucky, take things as they come and then deal with it" person, I think it's all gonna turn out fine.

I guess I just had to have it off my chest and get some perspective off someone else - the last person I spoke to about it has her BF in our Army at the Moment and she already feels like it's difficult (they wont go anywhere, he's home every Weekend) so I guess talking to her just was creeping me out and made me worry more than I should have.

[Nymeria]

Double post, Computer had a little meltdown.

[R&R]

It definitely can be hard. It takes a very special person to have an SO who is in the military. You learn to adjust and take it one day at a time.

My daughter does amaze me. She's almost 19 but wise beyond her years sometimes. And when she wants something, she'll do what it takes to make it happen.

[RedWhirlwind]

As a fairly new military spouse, my best advice is to learn to be flexible and understand that he doesn't have control over it either, and is most likely JUST as frustrated over the schedule changes as you are. My husband's unit is notorious for frequent short notice deployments/training trips. He will be dropping in & out of our life regularly, with little rhyme or reason to the pattern. But he is worth every minute apart to have him when I can.

Something that jumped out at me about your original post was the bit about not understanding why anyone would join the military. Personally, that doesn't offend me, though there some who would be offended at a statement like that. It's not a life for everyone. Neither is the life of a military spouse. I believe that if a relationship is going to be successful, you need to understand each other's motivations & the values behind life decisions. Those can tell you a great about the person in general, and how they will cope with life's curve balls. I hope that is a conversation you can have with your Marine with an open mind. Being in the military is typically more than 'just a job'. It's often a big part of the service member's identity and how they see themselves, and there are many, many possible reasons for his choice to serve. Understanding his reasons for joining the military is a big part of accepting him as he is, not how you want him to be.

Aaaaand, that's it for my nosey nellie ways today. Sorry if you didn't want it! No offense meant. :-) Good luck!

[Nymeria]

Ha, no you are right, and I am learning to understand and we have the most interesting conversations with my "But's and why's" and him trying to make me understand.
And I can still not fully understand and probably never will, but it's what he wants, what he chose, what he's passionate about, what may even define him - and I fully respect that, it seems to be right for him. This passion about what he does and the light that goes on when he talks about it might well be what actually drew me to him, and that part is probs also what makes him the wonderful person he is.
I would not want him to be any different. Yeah, I sometimes wish I would have met exactly him but with another Job - but I guess with another Job he wouldn't be who he is.

I'm also learning alot about the why I don't understand it, which is also very interesting.
So, I am learning - a lot. About him, the world, the military, relationships, me....I think it's gonna be an interesting path i chose to walk, let's see where it leads to.