Six months until our first meeting

[Mr Gravy]

Hello everyone, new member here~ This is my first post on LFAD.

My SO and I first met around July last year playing the same online game. We (among others) frequently hung out on the same voice chat server and before we knew it people started to ship us. I didn't really believe in meeting people online back then so I didn't really respond to it or maybe I was just being oblivious. Either way, for at least a good three months our group spent almost every night together discussing both game and non-game-related topics and eventually she started to flirt with me. But being kind of a slowpoke it took me until Christmas to realize that I liked her more than a friend and it wasn't until mid January that we confessed to each other even though we've clearly liked each other for a while already.

Long story short, ever since we've been in contact almost every waking second of our lives via texts, voice chat and Google+ Hangouts and we're going to meet each other at the US East Coast this summer, just in time for our dating anniversary (even though it's very hard to put a date on it). We're both incredibly anxious and excited about this, especially since none of us has been traveling alone before. I haven't even been to the US before and I'm not exactly sure what to expect honestly. In fact I've heard quite a few horror stories about nitpicky American customs officers...

We're most likely going to spend two weeks in Boston, MA, a city neither of us has been to before. We thought that exploring a new city together, away from friends and families, would be a proper way to celebrate our first time meeting in person.
Now to my actual question: Should we go any further than that?
By that time we'll have been dating for almost a year and who knows how long it will be before we can organize another meeting. If the meeting goes really well I might consider attending a college in the states so I feel like I should learn as much about her as I can before taking such a major step. I'm debating whether - before my return to Germany - we should travel back to her hometown together and possibly introduce me to her family and friends as well.

I think that's pretty much it for now.
Do these plans sound reasonable or are we being overconfident? Looking forward to your opinions.

See you around~ Perhaps I'll be coming here more often now.

[merlinkitty]

I think this sounds wonderful It's taken me two years to finally organize a first meet with my guy. I've got a little over 4 weeks left until he's here. He's coming here and neither of us have any thought that this might be the end. It feels a little crazy sometimes, but most of the time it just feels right. I guess the best advice I can give you is take things slow, but keep them moving in a direction. Give yourselves a chance to get to know each other, communicate (which in an LDR means a wide variety of things that you wouldn't necessarily do in a CDR), but as much as humanly possible, give yourselves something to look forward to. Be patient, be there.

Boston sounds like a great idea! It would be nice to get some time to spend together with just each other. You'll know when you get to that place if meeting her parents is the right move to make. But make the most of the time you have together. Welcome to LFAD, as well. Stick around the site as you'll see lots of people going through really similar stuff, how to cope with the distance, keeping things lively, and other resources

[Mr Gravy]

Thanks for your nice words!

I haven't actually bought the plane tickets yet because according to my research their prices should drop significantly in a month or two so I still have time to decide whether I should meet her peers, too.

It feels a little crazy sometimes, but most of the time it just feels right.

I know exactly what you mean! During the past month I've been questioning my own sanity on multiple occasions. As I said in my original post I didn't really believe in online dating until recently and all of a sudden I found myself planning a trip to America.

[Moon]

You're asking a forum full of LDR people if you should go further, but that's one question we can't really be unbiased about! We've all done it, so can you, if you decide you want to and want to work it out. Don't worry about university, or meeting her family and friends just yet, worry about that AFTER you've met Once you've decided you like each other enough, and the chemistry is right, then plan some things, there's no sense in adding more pressure, so just relax and have your meeting, then go from there. Enjoy Boston!

[Mr Gravy]

Thank you Moon for raising some very valid points. I can definitely see where you are coming from.
It's just that I don't want to postpone everything until after our first meeting because enrolling at college takes preparation time, too. There are just so many things to take care of in advance and I'm afraid that the waiting time until our next meetup would be agonizingly long if I didn't start preparing now.

[Moon]

Buuutttt....What happens if you get there, and you realize you don't like each other that much? College in the US is extraordinarily expensive, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think higher education is free in Germany, right? Before you get minimally $60,000 - $80,000 in debt for a bachelor's, you should probably make REALLY sure it's what you want. Now, you could always do a semester abroad, that would be a much, much better way to start I think.

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but we have seen meetings that just don't work out on this board. It's not common, but it does happen from time to time. I don't want to see you screwing yourself, and being stuck in the US alone. Keep in mind that everyone, and I mean everyone, is so sure that their meeting will be magical, they'll be in love, and they'll skip off into the sunset to pet unicorns, and slide down rainbows, but once in a while, that doesn't happen. That's why I'm telling you to meet first, I know how tough international LDR's can be, and the waiting, but you need to think this through with a little less emotion, and a little more logic. LDR's can be perfectly great, but not always, and I just want you to be sure, super sure, before you plan of uprooting your life and getting in debt.

[merlinkitty]

Keep in mind that everyone, and I mean everyone, is so sure that their meeting will be magical, they'll be in love, and they'll skip off into the sunset to pet unicorns, and slide down rainbows...

Ruiner!! I was hoping to pet the blasted unicorns, Moon!! Lol

But seriously, OP, let the fact that you can't move on this relationship as quickly as you would like allow you to rationally process what it is you're doing and if you're doing the best thing for you!

[Moon]

Ruiner!! I was hoping to pet the blasted unicorns, Moon!! Lol

But seriously, OP, let the fact that you can't move on this relationship as quickly as you would like allow you to rationally process what it is you're doing and if you're doing the best thing for you!

Aren't you in AZ? I'm pretty sure that's too hot for unicorns, but maybe you'll get a Pegasus instead, the wings keep 'em cool

[merlinkitty]

Aren't you in AZ? I'm pretty sure that's too hot for unicorns, but maybe you'll get a Pegasus instead, the wings keep 'em cool

Hell, I'll stand in any shade I can find! Pegasus wings or a 10 inch light pole

[Mr Gravy]

College in the US is extraordinarily expensive, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think higher education is free in Germany, right? Before you get minimally $60,000 - $80,000 in debt for a bachelor's, you should probably make REALLY sure it's what you want. Now, you could always do a semester abroad, that would be a much, much better way to start I think.

Oh I wasn't going to apply let alone enroll just yet. The idea was to merely collect as much information as possible so I'd be able to take further steps soon after the meeting if I wanted.
I'm also most definitely going to finish my bachelor's degree at a German university first. If all goes well that is going to happen around March next year.

Of course, I would prefer not to spend that much upfront money. Technically, I could start earning own money with my bachelor's degree but as far as I know the US doesn't just hand out working permits to everyone who asks.

Either way, thank you for helping me keep my feet on the ground. I appreciate that.

[Mr Gravy]

[UPDATE] 100 days left

So we're almost down to 3 months now. We both have purchased our plane tickets and I've booked an apartment in Boston for two weeks. I still can't quite believe this really is happening.
Since flying in August turned out to be extremely expensive we mutually decided that it would be a good idea to stay longer and visit her hometown, too, probably meeting some of her friends and family members while I'm there. In fact I've already had brief chats with some of them over the Internet (I think her mom liked me! )
We are both very excited and looking forward to August (not so much to the day on which I'll have to return to Germany )
For now I'm trying to distract myself with school while also exploring my options regarding how to proceed after our meeting assuming the chemistry is there.