LDR BF got a job as a bartender.... Help :(

[krxssy]

So my boyfriend of 1 year got a job as a bartender. He left 4 months ago and has been struggling to find work. Only now was he able to get a stable job. On one side I'm happy he finally found one, on the other devastated. He's going to be surrounded by so many slutty thirsty women constantly hitting on him and I can't help but be worried about that. Obviously flirting will be involved and I don't like that at all. I love him so much but I'm so terrified that he'll cheat on me if he's always in that environment. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him but I don't know how. Somebody help me please.

[Perthgirl1]

It's so easy to feel insecure when the person you love is so far away from you. But you've been together for a year and he hasnt cheated on you has he? You havent had any reason to believe that he would?? If so, that isnt going to change just because he has a job as a bartender. Try to trust him. Have faith in him. Talk to him about it... but don't make it sound like you are accusing him. All the best x

[Ella85]

Trust him. That's all you can do. If you love him, trust he wouldn't do something like that to you. My boyfriend works with people and has a wide variety of opportunities that he could cheat if he wanted to. But I don't ever doubt him for one second, he isn't a cheater and there is no point of worrying over it because it'll ruin the relationship. Sure he could cheat on me if he wanted to, but then he lives 1000's miles away from me and I'd never know anyway. If I constantly doubt him then the relationship wouldn't work. I tell myself my boyfriend can't handle more than my crazy lol.
I have been in an insecure state of mind in an LDR before but for some reason with him I find it easy to trust him. I think it's normal for the thought 'he could do it' to cross anyone mind. But obsessing over it means that you have insecurities and the only way you are going to calm down over them is to talk those though with your boyfriend.

[mikito]

Yeah, as said before, all you can do is try to trust him. My girlfriend works in a cosmetics store and she gets hit on by guys fairly regularly, but I trust her. I do occasionally feel a little insecure when she talks about it, but it's only briefly.

But yeah, if this is really bothering you, it's best to talk things through with him.

[Miasmata]

You sound very scared by these "slutty" women. If you've ever been to an average bar, you'll know that there are plenty of women of all kinds going there, and not all of them want to threaten your relationship or hit on everybody. It's totally understandable that you are scared, but seeing every woman out there as a slut and a threat is not going to make you happier. Working on your attitude towards your fellow women could help!

If your SO has never given you legit reason to mistrust him, you shouldn't. Make sure you let him know about your worries, but don't repeat them over and over again or load off all your anxious worries on him all the time. It's good for him to be aware of your feelings, but you should also let him know that you're doing your best to trust him and yourself. Find methods to cope with the thoughts, remind yourself of all the reasons to trust your partner, and find ways to keep busy that are healthier. Bartenders aren't even allowed to give out their number to people who hit on them, it would be very bad business practice and unprofessional. Do what you can to take care of yourself, good luck

[Chillosaurus]

[...] I love him so much but I'm so terrified that he'll cheat on me if he's always in that environment. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him but I don't know how. Somebody help me please.

Learn something new. This will get your head away from you worries and you will increase your confidence.

[80anthea]

Unless he's going to sit alone at home all day then he's going to come into contact with women on a daily basis. Some of which he might even find attractive and somd of which maybe attracted to him. However, if you've discussed the boundaries of your relationship and he respects these then he'll remain faithful. You need to trust him as lack of trust will end a relationship far quicker than working in a bar will.

[BlueCat]

My fiance worked as a waiter for years, he got hit on and had girls leave their number for him on many occasions. Wasn't ever an issue though because he never did anything about it. End of story, and I never worried about it, if he was being nice to them it's because he was doing his job.

Give the guy a break, if he was struggling to get work you should be happy to he got something stable that's going to help you guys save money for future visits.

[TheSteelAngel]

I agree with what the others said. Has he ever cheated on you before, or have given you any reason to believe that he has? If not then stop worrying about it. Just trust him. I know that doing that is hard in an LDR but you have to trust your partner or else your relationship is doomed to fail. End of story.

[Ejoriah]

One of my good friends is a bartender. It really isn't like you have women throwing themselves at you all the time. There's a lot of drunken idiots, belligerent people, friendly people, people who only want to keep to themselves and drink to forget their worries, etc.

[whatruckus]

I don't think there's any reason to really talk about this. All you should really say is that the women part concerns you slightly. Don't say anything more than that or he's going to think you don't trust him. After that, don't ever bring it up again. There's no reason to.

If you honestly think that if he's always in that type of environment that he's going to cheat on you, then you need work on your insecurities/self esteem and trust. If he's never given you a reason to doubt him, why not trust him?

My SO goes out to bars all the time. Granted, they're ones that we frequent together and we know everyone, but there's still random women that go to them as well. I trust him. He's never given me a reason not to trust him.

If you constantly think he's going to cheat on you, and you express these thoughts in the way you treat him (asking him questions, or accuse him of cheating), he's going to lose faith in you. It's a no-brainer. If you can't trust him, why would he stay? Eventually he'll resent you for not trusting him and just start thinking, "Well, maybe I should cheat...she thinks I do already." Which, believe me, a lot of people get this way after their SO's constantly accuse them of cheating.

And also, I've gone to quite a few bars...do you know how many women I've seen? Some are attractive, but a lot aren't because they're trying too hard. I've heard so many of our guy friends say to each other, "Ew, that girl looks like a slut." Sure, I've heard them say things like, "Damn, she's hot." But, guess what...most of them don't even go home with any girls. Even my SO said when he was single, it was actually a little intimidating and annoying to try and get girls to go home with him. He's always telling me that he's glad he doesn't have to worry about that stuff anymore because he has me.

Just because some immature women might throw themselves at your SO, doesn't mean he's going to be attracted to them. I'd also like to mention, that "flirting", or being nice to the customers, is part of the job, because it determines how well he'll do in tips. So, if some of these women throw themselves at him, and end up giving him great tips because they like him, isn't that better for you? More money for him to save up to get you nice things, or come to visit you, or money for when you go visit him, so you two can go out on dates?

If I was in your position, I'd look at it like: They can look, but they can't touch. And, they better give him good $$$$.

[1991md]

In my honest opinion I would say that a female bartender probably has to deal with a lot more crap than a male bartender.

You shouldn't have to worry, unless as everyone else has mentioned, you have a legit reason to worry.

Does he seem like a person who chases after girls, or is he just going to be doing his job? Worrying about it now won't do any good. If after he starts working and you have reason to suspect he is up to something then you can confront him.

Goodluck!

[Zephii]

So my boyfriend of 1 year got a job as a bartender. He left 4 months ago and has been struggling to find work. Only now was he able to get a stable job. On one side I'm happy he finally found one, on the other devastated. He's going to be surrounded by so many slutty thirsty women constantly hitting on him and I can't help but be worried about that. Obviously flirting will be involved and I don't like that at all. I love him so much but I'm so terrified that he'll cheat on me if he's always in that environment. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him but I don't know how. Somebody help me please.

Uhm, wow. Because every woman that has ever gone to a bar or club in the history of forever is obviously a slut that's uncontrollably attracted to anything with a swinging dick? Please.
It doesn't work like that in the real world.

[Dezface]

So my boyfriend of 1 year got a job as a bartender. He left 4 months ago and has been struggling to find work. Only now was he able to get a stable job. On one side I'm happy he finally found one, on the other devastated. He's going to be surrounded by so many slutty thirsty women constantly hitting on him and I can't help but be worried about that. Obviously flirting will be involved and I don't like that at all. I love him so much but I'm so terrified that he'll cheat on me if he's always in that environment. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him but I don't know how. Somebody help me please.

Is your boyfriend just so amazing that girl's regularly throw their panties at his feet? If not, I think you're worrying for nothing.

Look, either you trust him or you don't. His place of employment should not be an influence either way.

[Kapwned]

Your post is nothing but insecurities and weakened trust. Drunk women are not inherently slutty, a woman who gives a man her number or flirts or hits on him is not inherently slutty. Chances are they would not know him, know that he is taken, and they most likely have alcohol in them so their judgment is impaired. Most people do not pay attention to the bartenders anyway. This is not Coyote Ugly and I doubt this is like some film where you have the super ultra mega hot bartender doing all of these crazy tricks with drinks. You know what happens 99% of the time at bars? People walk up, order their drink, receive their drink, pay, and walk away. And anyway it takes two to tango. If anything were to happen it would be his; He'd technically be the slut.