Happy anniversary (venting) (contains swearing)

[sasad]

Bipolar? I don't know.. Abuse?? Hell ya..., there is no excuse for name calling like she is... I am the same way about the C word and the F word.
Please run away from her... that is NOT love, that is ABUSE.
You WILL find someone nice and real. Not a child that calls names and throws her ex in your face.
I agree with everyone else.. Tell her buh-bye and stop all contact.

[emsimes]

You deserve so much better. Everyone here is right- she is a child and clearly not stable enough to handle a relationship. I know you moved out of state to be with her, but I would seriously reconsider your relationship. You deserve a real woman

[MissButterfly]

You know, this relationship sounds almost exactly like your previous one. You're hidden, her parents are controlling and can't know about you. She clearly does not respect you, and I doubt if she truly loves you. You go to incredible lenghts for these two girls, and they treat you like shit. Like everyone else has said, run away. You deserve so much better. But I would also like to advise you to take a look at yourself. Why are you drawn to these broken girls? Why do you put up with being hidden and disrespected? And please be careful with your own feelings. It sounds like you're ready to give everything, and say they are your whole life and you've never loved anyone more. That could be true, I don't know you. But YOU matter too. Don't let them make you sink into depression. Take care of yourself.

[sasad]

You know, this relationship sounds almost exactly like your previous one. You're hidden, her parents are controlling and can't know about you. She clearly does not respect you, and I doubt if she truly loves you. You go to incredible lenghts for these two girls, and they treat you like shit. Like everyone else has said, run away. You deserve so much better. But I would also like to advise you to take a look at yourself. Why are you drawn to these broken girls? Why do you put up with being hidden and disrespected? And please be careful with your own feelings. It sounds like you're ready to give everything, and say they are your whole life and you've never loved anyone more. That could be true, I don't know you. But YOU matter too. Don't let them make you sink into depression. Take care of yourself.

And stay OFF the app you were using and found these two girls.. Your other post says you find "broken" girls on there.. Do yourself a favor and delete that app.

[ChloChlo]

This person sounds legitimately dangerous, to your mental and emotional health if nothing else (although I would also be afraid for your physical safety if you were living with her, or anywhere near her). This is an abusive person and an abusive relationship: no ifs, ands, or buts. Her illnesses are no excuse - I know plenty of bipolar people who do not treat anyone this way. She is choosing to treat you this way. This isn't love, it isn't even basic decency. It's...well honestly it looks like hate to me.

I'm echoing the others and I would strongly advise you to end the relationship and make sure you are safely separated from any more contact with this person.

Let this be the first anniversary of you entering into a healthier relationship with yourself.

[80anthea]

I have bipolar disorder and have never, even in my incredibly ill days treated anyone like this. Please don't use her illness as an excuse, bipolar does not make you like this.

[douglas2275]

When I first met her she said that she liked me but that she knew she would run me off eventually, she says guys can't tolerate "her crazy" and always leave eventually. She's the same way everytime. Sometimes it happens every night for a week sometimes it will be a week or two before it happens. I don't know how much of it she actually believes. She gets super angry and usually I'm a push over and let her manipulate me. I know this is wrong. As some of you know and have pointed out, I have an awful habbit of doing this. I have been doing it my while life, even outside of relationships. In my past relationship, I let a girl use me while she was running around with other men, fulling knowing what was going on.

I don't know why I do this

I ended up calling her last night, I was supprised that she let me. We talked for a long time, I cried for probably half of the conversation. My head still hurts from crying. She said that she didn't know her words hurt me so much and asked why I never said anything before. I know where I stand now and for the time being I'm going to just try to work on my problems it's my fault she gets upset. It will be a long time until her parents know about me and a long time before we can function as a normal couple (if we ever do). It is very likely that she will just use me until she is either ready to more forward or to leave me. I know I am making the wrong choice, just as I did with Brittaney, idk why you guys help me. I'll probably just crawl in my shell and hide away from the world.

I will say though, I'm done with the dumb app and things like it. I'm pretty much done with relationships too. Best regards everyone

[MissButterfly]

I know where I stand now and for the time being I'm going to just try to work on my problems it's my fault she gets upset. It will be a long time until her parents know about me and a long time before we can function as a normal couple (if we ever do). It is very likely that she will just use me until she is either ready to more forward or to leave me. I know I am making the wrong choice, just as I did with Brittaney, idk why you guys help me. I'll probably just crawl in my shell and hide away from the world.

Now you're just being silly. It is not your fault she gets upset, she's just a mean person. You're fully aware she's abusing you, and you're choosing to continue? You know this won't end well, and you can't choose for yourself? I thought working on your problems would mean walking away and taking time for yourself. I sense some self-pity too. You deserve better, please just re-read what you wrote and notice how self-destructive this is. You're super young still, you will meet someone better.

[sasad]

Oh my gosh Douglas... please please please leave her and go home...
She is so damn abusive.. trust us, a LOT of us have gone through stuff like this before. How the hell can someone seriously NOY know calling you a C word or a faggot or telling you she like her ex more..
It is NOT your fault she gets upset. It never was your fault. Stop thinking that please.
Let HER go to therapy or whatever she needs. She will never be happy...
I wish I could come get you and take you out of that poison.

[douglas2275]

You're right, im sorry, I probably should not have written anything when I was upset. I have a lot of thinking to do. I'm a coward and have very low self esteem and I think that's partially responsible for why I don't leave. I also have an awful habbit of forgetting everything that happens and is said when I'm upset. I just need some time before I decide what I'm going to do.

[ChloChlo]

You're not a coward - you are a kind, supportive, forgiving, reasonable person. Often it is difficult for kind, forgiving, reasonable people to understand why others are not also kind, forgiving and reasonable. Bad behaviour comes as a terrible surprise every time, because you look for the good qualities in someone - which is a positive trait. It's just that in this situation, with this person, all your good qualities are used against you. And if you struggle with your self-esteem, it is easy to see why you are turning your feelings on yourself as a way to explain why she is behaving this way.

Taking time to make a decision isn't cowardice. You ultimately have to do what feels right for you, in the time that feels right for you.

[Elizabeth123]

You are a person who deserves love, respect and friendship from a SO. Work on loving yourself and leave this other person behind. Consider a counselor or therapy to help yourself find healing.

[Chris516]

OP, I didn't need to read past the first page. Let alone quote you, or anyone else.

She is very high maintenance.

There could be one or several mental illnesses going on. If not. She is acing, being a prima donna. Nothing you do will please her. I have been there before.

I stood by my (ex)fiance for four years. She 'diagnosed' me fourteen times (Attention Deficit Disorder, ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, Diabetes, Multiple Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive-Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder, PTSD, Social Phobia, Touretes. She thought her Bachelors in Psychology gave her not only the right to be emotionally abusive. But to also think she had a Ph.D..

In between being lovey-dovey.

[Mims27]

Buddy, that girl is manipulating you in to believing that it's your fault she's so upset. Even if it was the case, there is NO reason for her to talk to you like that. This person does not love you. She is VERY abusive. As I said before, someone who loves you would NOT talk to you like that. And by what you've been saying, you are just letting her. Get out of this and get out fast. You deserve so much better!!

[Miasmata]

It's a very trite thing to say, but there is truth in it, so I'd like to be so trite: Love yourself before you try to love someone else romantically again. The idea behind that isn't that you are literally unable to love "right" without loving yourself, but much rather than if you don't have respect for yourself, it's much harder to understand how to find someone who respects you and the relationship. To teach someone else what respecting you looks like, you gotta figure out what it looks like to you and from you, first. You definitely and absolutely deserve respect from yourself and others, but it's not going to happen if you look for someone else to fix your selfesteem. No relationship can make you whole, that's all on you. A good, healthy relationship makes you stronger and enriches you, but it doesn't make you whole.

Something smart I once read said: "You are the only person you spend your whole life with, so you might as well learn to get along with them". And that's really what it comes down to, I feel. A healthy, happy relationship is an incredible and wonderful thing to have, but it can never, ever replace the care and respect you have for yourself. If you generally struggle with being good to yourself, maybe talking to a therapist or related professional could be of help. Low self-esteem can be seriously crippling, and there is no shame in seeking help for it. Ultimately though, no matter what, the willingness to change and to practice kindness towards yourself has to come from you (and yes, I do mean "practice" as in "training" - Think of it as a muscle you work out, it really isn't far from the truth). Looking at yourself and your life with kindness and respect might feel alien and wrong at first, and might do so for a while, but just like working out feels more natural and less exhausting after a while, so will treating yourself with respect.

I sincerely wish you all the best with finding a path that works for you and with treating yourself right. All of that starts with making choices that are right for YOU, first and foremost. Again, you are the one person you spend all your life with. Start treating that person well.