Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. Things have been pretty good until the past couple of months and everything has gone downhill. We've had a couple visits that had to be cancelled last minute due to unforeseen circumstances so it has been 3 months since we have seen each other.
For several weeks I've really struggled with feeling withdrawn. I suggested to him that we arrange some "date nights" so we could have time set aside for just the two of us. He agreed but so far every one of our "date nights" has been interrupted at least once by someone else calling or texting. I end up more frustrated and withdrawn by the time we're done then I did to start with.
Last night was supposed to be a date night. Within a few minutes of my calling his started texting his daughter. And not just like an occasional text, he had put me on speaker and was fully involved with his conversation with his daughter and not saying a word to me. I'll admit, I got slightly irritated. I told him if he wanted to talk to her that I could just go. And his response was "No, I'll just tell her she's not allowed to text me anymore" in a snooty tone of voice.
Fast forward a few minutes and his mom calls. He prefaces with "I know I said i wouldn't do this but I'm going to talk to her and call you right back". So 20 minutes later he calls back. I'm definitely irritated at this point and he notices. And he immediately asked if I'm mad because he talked on the phone for 10 minutes and called me right back. I said I'm not mad, "I just want more then anything to have a couple hours of your time, uninterrupted, just the two of us." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say....he went off on a tirade about how I expected him to ignore his kids for me, and to put me before everything else. And how he does everything to arrange his time so we can talk together just for me to get pissed because he doesn't give me every second of his undivided attention. Then before I really even got to try to explain myself, he got a call from someone at work. So he said he'd call right back....an hour later when I hadn't heard from him I texted and ask if he was going to call back. He responded that he was on the phone and for me to just go to bed.
Honestly I'm at the point I don't know what to do. He doesn't seem interesting in finding any sort of solution or actually giving me any full attention. By the way he was talking it made me feel like I basically have the option to accept what time he's willing to give me or to leave. I've always felt like he cared about and was willing to try to understand my feelings. Now I feel like I'm not even allowed to have them. I feel like even if I just stopped saying anything, he'd get mad if he sensed any sort or hurt or irritation. I feel like I've tried to explain in every way I can and at this point he just doesn't care. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and have unfair expectations. I don't feel like I'm really asking for much.
Does it seem like I'm being unreasonable? How are we supposed to work things out if he's unwilling to even try to understand how I feel? At this point I'm starting to wonder if any of this is even worth it.
For several weeks I've really struggled with feeling withdrawn. I suggested to him that we arrange some "date nights" so we could have time set aside for just the two of us. He agreed but so far every one of our "date nights" has been interrupted at least once by someone else calling or texting. I end up more frustrated and withdrawn by the time we're done then I did to start with.
Last night was supposed to be a date night. Within a few minutes of my calling his started texting his daughter. And not just like an occasional text, he had put me on speaker and was fully involved with his conversation with his daughter and not saying a word to me. I'll admit, I got slightly irritated. I told him if he wanted to talk to her that I could just go. And his response was "No, I'll just tell her she's not allowed to text me anymore" in a snooty tone of voice.
Fast forward a few minutes and his mom calls. He prefaces with "I know I said i wouldn't do this but I'm going to talk to her and call you right back". So 20 minutes later he calls back. I'm definitely irritated at this point and he notices. And he immediately asked if I'm mad because he talked on the phone for 10 minutes and called me right back. I said I'm not mad, "I just want more then anything to have a couple hours of your time, uninterrupted, just the two of us." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say....he went off on a tirade about how I expected him to ignore his kids for me, and to put me before everything else. And how he does everything to arrange his time so we can talk together just for me to get pissed because he doesn't give me every second of his undivided attention. Then before I really even got to try to explain myself, he got a call from someone at work. So he said he'd call right back....an hour later when I hadn't heard from him I texted and ask if he was going to call back. He responded that he was on the phone and for me to just go to bed.
Honestly I'm at the point I don't know what to do. He doesn't seem interesting in finding any sort of solution or actually giving me any full attention. By the way he was talking it made me feel like I basically have the option to accept what time he's willing to give me or to leave. I've always felt like he cared about and was willing to try to understand my feelings. Now I feel like I'm not even allowed to have them. I feel like even if I just stopped saying anything, he'd get mad if he sensed any sort or hurt or irritation. I feel like I've tried to explain in every way I can and at this point he just doesn't care. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and have unfair expectations. I don't feel like I'm really asking for much.
Does it seem like I'm being unreasonable? How are we supposed to work things out if he's unwilling to even try to understand how I feel? At this point I'm starting to wonder if any of this is even worth it.
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