The first time I was married we had a huge wedding, around 250 guests. The day was lovely, but it was so hectic tring to speak and entertain everyone that the day flew by and I really don't remember it. I would have rather spent that money towards the honeymoon.

When or if I get married again it will be a very small intimate wedding with less then 15 guests so that I can enjoy the day and not be running around like a chicken without my head.

I'm not sure I understood your plan. Correct me if I'm wrong, but instead of applying for the fiancée visa, you'd rather go back to your country, wait another 90 days until you're eligible to go back to the US under the WVP, then get married and apply for a spousal visa while you're there, and wait for it to be processed in the US?

I have had the opportunity to do exactly that. To get married in Finland during a visit and just stay there until they grant me a residence permit. I could have done that legally (though technically I would be violating the terms of my short-stay visa, but apparently people do that all the time) but that would have meant that I would have had a tourist status for as long as I waited for the permit (and if the internet is to be believed, if you apply in Finland it takes longer to be approved than if you apply abroad), which is anywhere between 4 and 12 months. No health care coverage, no possibility to work or study (or at least study for free), can't open a bank account, can't get a bus card. I'd have to live off my savings (and they'd vanish quickly, given how expensive Finland is) and then depend entirely on my SO financially, which really is not healthy for a relationship.

So I decided to still get married to my SO during a visit (because there's no such thing as a fiancée visa, there) and came back home and applied for a residence permit from here. I got it in less than four months. The fact that I haven't moved to Finland yet has nothing to do with visas. If I decided to go to Finland tomorrow, I'd be eligible for healthcare, government support while I look for a job, and all sorts of things.

Now, we had a very small civil ceremony, with just his immediate family in attendance. No reception or anything. I'm planning to have a bigger party with family and friends once we can close the distance, but that's not set in stone. But I know it won't be the same as if I had had the big wedding on the "real" wedding date. But I didn't really have a choice, things being as they were.

I know it's hard having to go back after a long visit (well, I don't really know, having only had shorter visits, but I can imagine) and the fear and longing is making you want to take a "short cut", but you should consider everything carefully. Living in a country in "legal limbo" is very hard, and it's usually better to do things "the right way." I know Finland is different from the US, but somehow I don't think the situation would be much easier.

Thank you for your input ladies! I think this is going to take a lot of thinking on my part. The idea of a smaller wedding grows on me, but I'm not quite sure if it's all the positive feedback we get from everyone or really what I want. He told me it's whatever I want, because he doesn't really care if it's big or not.

@TwoThree: I really should have clarified that better! We are going for the Fiancée Visa in both scenarios. It's just a matter of time once we have it! I either go there right after we get it and we have a small wedding without much planning, or we wait 2-4 months planning the wedding, booking photographers in advance/DJs/all that jazz for a bigger wedding. I am far too scared to live illegally in America to do that, plus I really want to work and help out money wise and so far not being able to just sucked. So when I go to America, I want to do it the right way, apply for adjustment of status and get my working permit so I can work asap!
Thank you for your advice!