Nothing changes, nothing ever does.

We are still where we were 7 months ago. I am in Austria, he is in America. Our 5 months for the visa are over, but it looks like this will take much longer. I can't change it anyways so there is no need to worry about it. I wish it was easier to just forget about it and wait for them to contact us, but it is a daily hope that gets crushed with "Initial Review".

My big sister is still being her usual self, making everyone feeling absolutely uncomfortable in their own skin and whenever she visits, she causes my parents to fight. My dad is not my big sister's biological father so he feels like he has to support 100% what she says, even if she openly insults and disrespects my mom. It makes me furious, but there is nothing we can do. We don't invite her anymore and we don't visit her anymore, but she comes over whenever she can't stand it to be with her husband alone anymore.

My man and I had a big fight lately that was brought on by my insecurities and my abusive past. I know I should know better, but I still act sometimes like I can't say what I want to or he will get mad, when all it really does is, make us talk and work things out. I rather have things be perfect than not, but after one of those "fights" we always feel much better and accept the other person's point of view.

A friend of mine is currently meeting her boyfriend of 10 months for the first time in NYC and I am jealous. I know I shouldn't be and I am incredibly happy for the two of them, but I am sad that I can't just fly out there and see my man.

Anything else? Oh yes, I can't seem to fall asleep lately. I don't know if I have too many thoughts or what is going on, but whenever I lay down I can't fall asleep. It is going on my nerves. When I do fall asleep, I sleep at least 10 hours and wake up feeling miserable. Whatever this is, is annoying and it would be nice if it stopped right away.

Who knows, maybe we're lucky and the visa comes soon. Waiting makes me feel really lonely. I don't show my love through words as much as I do through touching and doing nice things, so it's what I miss the most.