I can admit it. I am terrified.
I was ashamed of it and I was angry with myself, angry that once again social anxiety is making me so overwhelmed with the whole situation, but I can admit it and I think it is reasonable to be scared.
This visa is probably the only way I can be with my fiance and if I mess up the interview, I will not be able to come back and live with him. This is a big deal, this is something to be worried over, right?
I am scared that they won't approve the visa. I am scared that they will not let me fly back and I don't know how to handle this. I am so scared I will not find my words when I speak to the officer, that I will mess up my sentences or dates. That the proof of the relationship that I have is not enough, that I am going to miss something and that it will not work out.
How can I not freak out about these things? How can I keep myself calm when so much is at stake? I don't know and it is making me feel so ashamed.
My twin says I can't worry about things that didn't happen yet and I need to take things as they come, but I can't. It's hard to explain it, but I simply can't. The past two nights I have cried myself to sleep because I am so ashamed that I am not handling this the way normal people do and it is so hard for me to find someone to talk to.
My twin would only tell me to calm down, because I can't possibly know if things are going to be the way I imagine it and I have to stay positive. My fiance is preoccupied with his own problems and I don't blame him for it, we are being thrown against obstacles and we are going through it, but I need to get this out and my closest female friend is discounting my feelings without even listening to me. She has problems on her mind that she doesn't want to talk about, and because she doesn't want to talk about those, she doesn't want to listen to any of my problems.
Now I am sitting here, 5 am the morning before my medical exam and I am crying in front of my laptop screen watching Grey's Anatomy because I can't sleep.
Please, can someone tell me I am not insane?
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snow started a blog post Visa interview upcoming.Visa interview upcoming.
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Visas are stressful shit. They are stressful every single step. Go prepared with extra copies of everything. Organize and label the shit out of everything. You'll do fine
(Ps- my SO on his interview told the guy the WRONG DATE of our wedding. We still got our visa. So you can fuck up pretty hard and still make it
There's nothing about your relationship that gives off any red flags. You've done your whole visa work so carefully, I'm sure everything will be perfect!
(I totally understand being nervous about it, though!)