This truly baffles me, can it really have only been a month and a few weeks since I've seen my SO? It feels like it's been so much longer, like I should be so close to seeing him again but it's still far off in the distant future. How could time have tricked me so? Why must time seem to fly at such high speeds yet prove to be moving along at a snail's pace? It's infuriating, nothing short of torture.

And then there's all these things I need to work out, my future seems to be in a balance between being set in stone and constant free fall, I wish I could just know that everything that needs to be done will be done and I will come out of this tangled mess ahead.

Things that need doing

1. Getting my SO to my high school graduation. This will be one of the bigger challenges seeing as how my parents know nothing of him, I'm pretty sure this one will be impossible but I want him there desperately. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with my parents knowing about him, or him meeting them, from what he knows of them he wouldn't be able to stand by and let them get away with all the things they've done to me, he truly resents them from his core. The bunch of them would definitely cause some unnecessary conflicts.

2. Getting enough money for a plane ticket and rent money for when I close the distance. I'm not as worried about this one, it's pretty much all set, just me wanting to be able to help more than expected. I have enough for the ticket right now as it is and some rent money but it would only last a month maybe two if I'm very money conscious. I want to be so much more helpful than that, I mean I've never had anyone take care of me before so going from that to being totally dependent on my SO seems drastically unfair from my standpoint but he of course is fine with me only paying for a couple of months until I can find a job out there.

3. Telling my parents I'm not going to college and flying to California. By far this one will be the most difficult, the one I am worried about the most. My parents and I don't get along nor do we ever see eye to eye on anything and to them me not going to college and leaving the house with only a high school diploma to my name is blasphemy. I of course will be 18 and legally capable of leaving but that's not the way I want to do things, I want them to understand, fat chance. But I'm not sure I'd be 100% comfortable leaving them without their acceptance. This won't stop me from moving in the least bit though, I mean my SO shows me love and is willing to support me and my parents not so much, so the choice is pretty plain, but they are my parents after all. I just want them to know that it's not because I hate them or disrespect them that I'm leaving.

*sigh* so much to do and yet I can't bring myself to do anything, I really am a pathetic coward.