So I mentioned my SO wanting to re enlist, well now he's pretty set on going into the Airforce, I was kinda happy about that because I knew that people in the Airforce rarely if ever saw the front lines, well of course the jobs my SO is interested are the Special Ops teams meaning he would be operating on the front lines in heavy combat zones. And here I am freaking out, I don't want him in the most dangerous team in the military, he's having trouble deciding if he wants to do Special Ops because of me, and I don't want to hold him back, I know he really wants to be in the front lines and who am I to stop him, he keeps struggling with this decision and I can see it on his face, he wants me to say go and don't worry about me, and here I am struggling to support him with this, I just can't bring myself to be so selfish as to make him stay if he doesn't want to. I told him to do what he wants and leave me out of it, if he wants to stay for a reason other than me thats fine but don't just stay for my sake...I told him to go and now my insides are in knots, but again who am I to hold him here, he'd resent me sooner or later and I just can't live with that, I won't. But Special Ops is different from just being in the military, they leave at the drop of a hat, they aren't allowed to tell where they're going, they can't talk over skype or give phone calls, and they're gone for months on end. I'd be going months with no word from him, never knowing if he's okay, without a single word and he could be gone just like that.

I don't know how to handle this, I mean talking a couple days or if I'm lucky weeks out of a year just isn't a relationship but I don't want to leave him, I love him and I want to be with him...but I just don't know how I could tie him down like that.