Dear Distance,


Friday night I went to bed kind of in a shitty mood and so did my SO, but for seemingly a reason that wasn't even that big of a deal. So when I talk to him in the morning he said that he thinks we should have a talk about our relationship. The first thing he said was "I started smoking cigarettes again." I immediately just wanted to burst out crying because I got him to quit before and now 3 years later he wants to pick it up again.

On a side note: I really hate cigarettes, I think its a disgusting habit, I hate the smell of it, and I took biology which pretty much said flat out that cigarette smoke directly attacks this thing that is supposed to protect you from cancer. Both of my parents smoke and it's hard enough dealing with them. Bottom line is it's just a complete turn off for me, and I wouldn't care if he was a anyone else doing it but you're my BF and he already knows how I feel about them, which is a passionate disgust -- which is probably due to my parents. He smoked electric cigarettes which I was ok with since I don't think they had the same chemicals as real cigarettes and they didn't smell.

So anyway, I was trying to just keep calm and hear the rest of what he had to say because I have a pretty bad temper at times and obviously if he started smoking theres a huge problem and I want to approach it like a civilized human being, not the ghetto princess I usually am.

He told he couldn't sleep and stayed up till 6AM being angry/smoking/playing the Godfather, and that he was upset about how things were going. Basically that I wasn't giving him enough love that he needs and he just feels like were half-assing our relationship. Meanwhile i'm totally confused because he said that he started feeling this way at the beginning of the week, and i'm here thinking everything is all fine and dandy. He basically hit me with a bomb and I hate it when he does that. He said the only reason he played the Godfather was to have an escape and not think about whats going, claiming that my escape is the sims, and that he doesn't want to treat World of Warcraft like and escape but that's what it seems like. This kinda hurt because I was the one who paid for this months subscription and he's basically telling me he doesn't really want to play, he just want's to stop thinking about our problem that I didn't even know was a problem. At least this is what it sounded like at that point. Eventually I ended up telling him I would do my best to show him more love, and then went on to attempt to get him to quit the cigarettes.

I left for about an hour and a half to think, we made up and everything was good for a bit until we were about to go to bed and I said something that he didn't like... Surprise Surprise. It was meant to be a joke but he got upset about it. I always do this -_- I really need to censor my mouth hardcore. I'm tired of hurting him, especially when it's just meant to be fun and games. It's just really misleading cause he plays along sometimes and even insults me too but... ugh idk. Now I feel like this morning is going to be shitty because we both went to bed mad/sad AGAIN.