But there were still other doubts about being an interracial couple. In the past i've had to deal with white men being embarrassed or shy about bringing me in public or around their friends/family..but then act normal when we're alone. It's really one of the worst feelings ever, and this didn't happen at all with my SO. He's proud to show me off and has been since the beginning, like he's had my picture as his phone's lock screen since we got together (super flattering
). We even got in a little PDA here and there (not too much though cause i'm not even that much of a fan 
). It was just the kind of thing that made me realize why my other relationships never could have worked. Although i'm super insecure - which isn't his fault - he always makes me feel like this is real and that I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and stop worrying. I've had low self-esteem since before I was even 10 years old and confidence issues ever since - in addition to moderate social anxiety and anxiety in general. It's always been one of my toughest and lingering battles but he understands it and helps me through it. We definitely ate out a lot. We went to IHOP, Olive Garden, Buffalo Wild Wings, and Red Robin's. For whatever reason we kept getting the best waitresses/waiters and the food was always yummy. There was one time a random guy offered us a coupon for our meal at Olive Garden which was sooo nice! It was as if I was getting all these signs trying to tell me why this is right. We always kept conversation going and I was just very comfortable.
But I also cooked for him which he LOVED. I made him breakfast - bacon, egg, cheese, spinach on an english muffin (breakfast sandwiches are my specialty, I think lol). I was ecstatic that I got him to eat spinach and actually like it cause he always made a gross face at it when i'd mention it (victory!!). I also made him Chicken Cordon Bleu which was damn near heavenly, and finally I made him Twice Baked Potatoes and brownies on the last day. I'm gunna have to not do so much for him before it turns into a pattern and i'm the only always cooking and cleaning xD. I guess cooking isn't as big of a deal since he agrees that i'm the better cook.
He brought his XBOX and we played Gears of War together which I loved. Then he played The Last of Us on my PS3 and I just watched. I had been wanting to play it again anyway so watching him play was pretty fun. He moves through games sooo much faster than I do xD.
So towards the end I was very sad, there was no hiding it. What really struck me was when I was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. He was laying behind me with his arm around me. I started crying but I didn't realize that he could tell. I started to hear him cry and so I just laid down and we cried in each others arms. He told me that he was fine until he felt my tear hit his hand. The hours leading up to him leaving were dreadful.. I felt like I was hanging on to every moment I could. And then when he finally had to leave at 3am.. I never held on to someone so hard.. I didn't know I would literally miss everything about him. Even his stinky feet and dreadful smoking habit. I miss the way he smelled in general. When he left I watched his car leave and fell into shambles.. absolutely inconsolable. After getting myself together as much as I could, I turned on the light and put on some PowerPuff Girls on Netflix, and snuggled up to a pillow that still had his scent. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and it was the same for him. He told me he wanted to turn around so bad.
Despite how much it hurt to see him go I would do it over and over and over. Our second visit is planned for June 22nd on my birthday and he's going to stay for a week again
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