WARNING. HUGE BLOG POST AHEAD.

It hasn't been that long since my last post and yet it's been quite the eventful week. Not in the positive sense, so let's get right to it.

Some of you might remember from a previous blog that I mentioned a childhood friend of mine (whose mother is close friends with my own) who called me about a friend of hers who was looking for a wife. You'd also remember that I panicked, then told her I was already with someone but it's not official and my mother doesn't know, so please keep it to yourself, and she was like "oooh ok, cool! You have to tell me all about it!" and I said I would but never did. Well, that friend turned out to be a major bitch. Why do I call her a bitch, you might ask? Because either she was hurt that I never followed through with our lunch plans, or she thought I was just bullshitting her about the guy I'm supposedly with (I never gave her any details, thank goodness) or, you know, just for the heck of it, she went to her mother and told her all that happened. So naturally, her mother being a nosy kind of cunt (I say cunt independently of this current situation. I've always thought she was a cunt, and she's the reason I deleted my first FB account, the one with my real name, but I digress) she called my mother and told her everything. Fantastic.

Last Tuesday I got home and went about my business (which is lying in bed and doing stuff on my laptop.) That morning I had downloaded Ravel's Bolero (Bernstein's version), which I hadn't listened to in years and I was pretty excited about listening to it all evening to relax, and that's when my mother came in to tell me all about her new discovery. Needless to day, I now hate Ravel's Bolero.

She said her friend had called her and told her about this guy who would be a great match for me, and started giving me details about him. He's 33 (like Jesus!!!!!), orphan of both father and mother (not sure if that one tidbit was included to make me feel sorry for him, or to reassure me about the fact that I wouldn't have to deal with in-laws...?) owns and runs a travel agency and is loaded. *Swoon*! My mother had a weird turn of phrase when she was making her case. She said "We figured since you are single it would be a good idea to go out with this guy and see what happens". She also introduced the whole thing saying that her friend's son-in-law (so my friend's husband, who doesn't know me, unless he was paying attention to every guest at their wedding which is unlikely because there were like 200 people) talked to his own mother-in-law about this guy. As in 'you friend didn't betray you, it was her husband!' (nice try.) Ok, so here I am, on the spot, having to say something, and I'm cold all over, completely numb. I kind of acquiesced, I guess. Like, I didn't say "no, tell them to fuck off," and that was enough for her. And then panic kicked in, after she left me alone, because this is it, guys, right? I know I've said it before but this time it really is it. I have to do something.

It wasn't a very pleasant night, to say the least. I didn't even have the courage to tell my SO, so what I did was fire up good old MS Word and open the document I had created on November 11th 2011 (that would be about a week after the end of my fifth visit with my SO), in which I had already started writing my "confession" to my mother. I worked on it for a while, and then went to sleep. Not sure if I talked about the letter here? I'm sure some people are thinking it would be much better to speak to her in person, but I've thought about it quite a lot and it has to be in writing because my mother and I are horrible at communication. We get emotional very quickly and she never seems to understand what I mean. So if I start with "I am in a relationship with a Finnish man" I can guarantee that's the only thing she'll hear. So I wrote a letter explaining more or less the situation. "More" because I added stuff that isn't true, like that we met through work when my company sent me abroad on training (meeting on the internet is a gigantic red flag for people like my mother) and that he was already a convert to Islam when we met, and "less" because I omitted stuff like, oh you know, WE'RE MARRIED. Anyway, I have rewritten several parts of the letter over the weekend and I'm not even sure it's final yet, but at least I did the bulk of things that night.

The morning after she caught me on my way out to work and asked what she should say to the woman when she calls again. I said "just tell her you told me" and I left. At work I went on this girl's FB page (we're not friends but people are kinda stupid when it comes to their online privacy when they have nothing to worry about, you know) and fished the guy out of her friends list (I knew his first name). Ugh. I was shocked. I don't want to be mean or come off as a shallow, pretentious bitch, but... not my type at all. His hairline is majorly receding, I found him utterly unattractive and worst of all, he doesn't look 33 at all. I work with people who are 40 and who look younger. What the hell is up with that? That kinda comforted me, though, like there was no major danger. Not of me falling in love with him, mind you, just of having a valid reason for rejecting him if it came to that. Or so I thought.

My mother didn't bring it up again until Friday afternoon when she came to my room and demanded an answer from me: am I or am I not going to meet this guy? I told her about my internet stalking and told her I found him repulsive and he looked older than we were told he was. She was a bit shocked by that and conceded that if I found him unattractive then that's that. I didn't buy it, though, because she's not the kind to back down so easily with me. She then proceeded to tell me that her friend had told her I said I was already in a relationship and I couldn't tell my mother right away. So I tell you that, and the first thing you do is go tell my mother? That's class, friends. Who in the name of fuck would do that? Assholes, that's who. Mother said "did you say that just so she would leave you alone?" I said YES!! YES THAT'S EXACTLY IT. She didn't buy it naturally, and I'll be honest, when I'm not feeling my strongest it's very hard for me to lie convincingly. So I denied that I had someone even though she kept saying "you can tell me, you know, I'm your mother, all I want is your happiness" and that was very VERY hard for me. I wanted to break down in tears and cry in her arms, because yeah, she's my mother and I love her and I wish she would understand. At some point she even said "even if he (my supposed boyfriend) lives abroad" and that shocked me a bit, but I know full well that she means "Algerian man who emigrated to France or somewhere", not a foreigner. I denied as best as I could, and she was like "fine. But you know you have to come to me if you have someone, right?" She also asked me to show her a picture of this guy, and I said I'd get it the day after (no internet at our current apartment)

So on Saturday I went out shopping with my sisters even though I wanted to stay home and sleep, because I couldn't face staying with her all day. I brought the picture back when I got home, and I really shouldn't have. She was like "but he's not ugly at all! Look at him." Oh boy. So apparently when it comes to my own future, married life; when it comes to the man I have to spend the rest of my life with, I should just go with my mother's opinion on whether or not he looks good? I asked her to drop it. I find him unattractive and that's it. She couldn't help but hint again at the fact that I have someone, but ehh. On Sunday, before I went to work (we work Sun-Thur in my country) she told me that when her friend would call again, in order to keep the peace and not hurt her ego she would tell her something along the line of "I asked her if she had someone and she wouldn't respond, so I guess she does. So let's forget about this guy." and I thought it was a great idea. She also told me not to close my mind off to such offers (she means the whole "I have a relative looking for a wife and thought of you, who are single and desperate" type of situation) and that there was nothing wrong with the concept (everything is wrong with this concept but I didn't want to bring that up again.)

I thought it was over, that all I needed to do now is plan the grand reveal in a way that does a minimum of damage (very tricky, that). My residence permit it still being processed (my SO called the immigration office and they confirmed that they did receive it from the embassy), I managed to get an appointment for a short-stay visa even though the French consulate is still on strike (they're only taking in emergencies and a friend of mine put me in as an emergency even though I'm not) and applied for it yesterday. Not expecting to have it back within the usual two weeks but at least I know my passport is safe. And the letter is seemingly ready. All I have to do is wait for the right moment to give it to her. Preferably right before I go out to work. In the meantime, I thought I'd enjoy some peace because I really fucking need this. I haven't slept properly for four nights now and the stress is doing weird things to my tummy.