I talked to our one friend, which we've both become really close (as I've mentioned she's closer to me), and she told me some things that he had said to her (to set my mind at ease). He probably knows that I talk to her about stuff, obviously, we're girls. I told her how I was really not okay with the whole "seeing other people" option and she said that when she talked to him (a few days, or the week, before), he had said that at first, he had thought about seeing other girls, but once he actually had the option/freedom to, he really didn't want to anymore and that he thought it was something that he may have wanted/experiment with during the break.
This was before she knew how I felt about it, so she didn't specifically ask him about it. She said she doesn't want him to know that she knows things and make it seem like she's trying to get in the middle of it (which she's not, she was reluctant to tell me, but she did because she felt bad how sad I was). I believe her. Especially after I sent him an email when I got home last night.
In the email I explained to him that I'd been thinking about it and realized how much I would not be okay with him seeing other girls/hooking up with them, and if he did, I would feel like he was cheating on me, even if he was completely honest about it (which he had promised me he would be). I explained how I felt when my ex did it, multiple times during our breaks, and how upset I was and how I hated myself for saying I was okay with it, when I wasn't. I also told him how I hated and resented my ex for that, and that I didn't want to feel that way about him. I told him that it would completely break my heart and hurt me, and I'd never be able to look at him the same again, if anything happened. I let him know how I told him, and my ex, that I was okay with it just to make them happy, but deep down it hurt. I even told him that when he brought up that option, it hurt and it broke my heart a little. Because well, it did. I also said that he would more than likely feel the same way as me, if I had done something, but that it probably doesn't bother him as much right now because he knows that I wouldn't do it (and I know I wouldn't do it). I also explained that I never got over my ex doing that to me (besides when he actually did cheat on me), obviously.
He told me he read my email and that I don't have anything to worry about. So basically, I think that option is off the table now.
My friend (our friend...whatever) said that she emphasized that she knew, and he knew, that I would never go through with it. She said she kept saying to him, "You know Traci would never do it," until he finally admitted it and agreed.
I honestly don't even feel like we're on a break anymore, or that it ever even was a break, because we still talk every day, and he still wants to see me all the time, and then now he seems like he doesn't want us to see other people. I honestly still think that he was confused, and just overall doesn't know how to handle all this stress at once and thought this was what he wanted, and that it would be good for us. In a way, I guess it has, or at least, just saying that we're on a break. Because we are kind of back to how we were before.
Plus, I think it helps that he may be moving out of where he is now (thankfully) and might be moving in with one of his best friends (they're Army buddies). His living situation right now sucks. He lives with his uncle (who's his uncle by his Aunt's marriage, which his Aunt passed away a couple weeks before we started dating in December 2012). His uncle loves him like a son and treats him as such, but his uncle's daughter (who used to be a drug addict, as well as her husband, and is in her 40s) and her husband moved in with them last year. His uncle was trying to help them out because they couldn't afford where they lived at the time, and it was bad where they lived. Problem is their house is small, 2 bed, 1 bath. Also, she's an attention whore and she loveeeeeeesssssssssss drama, creating it, being a part of it, wanting to know about it...that's her. She's in everyone's business, and she's also two-faced. Needless to say, there's been lots of drama happening at his house, and he hates her. She tried to make changes in the house, and she and her husband can't even afford it. She switched their cable from Direct TV to Xfinity and cut their internet off because they couldn't afford it.
My boyfriend pays the most in rent and he's only one person. He pays $350, while their total rent for the house is only $750 plus electric/water/gas (which his uncle told me is less than $150 a month). I don't know exactly how much his uncle pays, or his daughter and her husband, but I know my SO pays the most. He'll even put in extra money for the rent or cable bill if they're short (and my SO can't even afford that much more because he has other bills to pay too). She complains all the time about everything and everyone, and him just being there stresses him out. He tells me all that time that when his aunt was alive, and those other two didn't live there, that they all lived peacefully and always had enough for rent/utilities. Even though his aunt lived off her Social Security, and his uncle lives off his disability, and my SO had a crappier job than he has now.
He also feels like he's confined to just his room now because he hates his uncle's daughter and her husband so much. And, to be honest, I hate them too. She's rude. I have some cookware at his house and she uses it all the time, and I wouldn't mind except she ruined them. Never washes them right away (lets the grease and food sit in/on them overnight), scratched them, stained them...ugh. Plus, she's always touching our stuff. She always moves his things around the house that he has, like his uniforms, or his dart supplies, and sometimes even my things. She even told me that she goes through our dart supplies if she notices we bought new stuff (flights, shafts, O-Rings, etc...). I don't like that. I don't like people touching my stuff. Especially knowing she was an addict (crack and heroin, apparently) and she went to jail. I even feel stressed out going to his house too because I don't like his uncle's daughter. I don't like walking around the house when she's downstairs too because I hate talking to her. All she does is gossip
She's even complained to her father (my SO's uncle) that he and my SO need to start washing their own dishes because she hates doing it, even though she doesn't work and sits at the house doing nothing all day. She always aggravates his uncle, and they always end up fighting. My SO said that he's never seen his uncle get so mad, or scream/yell like he's been since they moved in. His uncle has been so close to kicking them out so many times.
She also keeps bugging me, asking me if I know when my SO is moving/if he is still moving. My SO says it's because they all know that if he leaves, they might not be able to afford living there, or that it's going to be extremely hard. He tells me that he feels bad for his uncle and sometimes it makes him want to stay, but I told him that he needs to move on with his life too and he can't be held back. Plus, he's so damn stressed out. I mean, I feel bad too, but like I told him, he needs to move on and do what he wants to do. He shouldn't be held back and feel the way he's been feeling just because of that. It's not his job to support them when he can just barely support himself.
If/when he moves, he'll have to pay his friend $500/mo, since his friend owns the house now (he bought it off his grandparents). That's not too bad with the money he makes from the prison, especially when he gets asked to do overtime (which he will almost always say yes to). Plus, the neighborhood is SOOOO much nicer, and he has less of a chance of inmates finding him, or friends of inmates spotting him. That's another big reason he's moving. In my opinion, it's also a hell of a lot safer since he'll be with a fellow Infantry soldier. Lol. Two infantry soldiers in one house? Heck yea. I know I'd feel even more safer sleeping over. Lol. Another plus we keep talking about, is that it's around the block from our favorite cheesesteak place. Lmfao. We're such foodies. I don't know exactly where the house is yet, but I've looked at other houses on Zillow in the neighborhood, and they're very nice compared to his neighborhood. He's really hoping his friend doesn't back out, and so am I. He and his friend get along so well, and his friends loves me (I love him too, in the friend way, lol. He's a sweetheart.). My SO told him that I would cook for them all the time (I definitely would too, I loveeee to cook and bake, and just overall be in the kitchen), and that he would love my cooking.
Anyways, this is getting too long, so I'm going to stop for now. Lol. But yes, I think things are better between us, and he's excited about the move.