Well its been some time since everything has happened. My SO and I still talk but I feel like it is more torture than talking. My mind has come to the realization that it is over. My heart wont let it go. I really did love her so much. I tried my hardest to do everything right and make it perfect.

Well we don't really talk about anymore but the last few times we did yet again seemed to only confuse me as to the reason all this took place. She acts like she is the only one who got hurt in all this. She tell me things like I am the only one she will ever love. Last talk about our status we had she said she wanted to be more friends than lovers but still lovers yet she is always at best luke warm towards me and truthfully more cold than anything. She took our relationship status off her facebook too. We had a rough spot and we both did things wrong but it seems like she so quick to throw it all away. I've been waiting some weeks for things to turn around and she only says she keeps feeling worse.

I know I could close myself off. Go back to the way I was before her. But I don't want to.

I saw a picture on the internet that said, "Some say it is more painful to wait for someone and some say it is more painful to forget someone but the worst pain comes when you don't know whether or not to wait or forget." It is how I feel at all times now.

I know that I am in pain. I promised to never leave and every time I think about it I just think that maybe there is still the tiniest chance to we may get back together and I shouldn't go. I just miss what we had so much. She says she does too. I just really don't know what I am supposed to do...what I should do.