I just spent three days with my family down in Nowra. We haven't seen each other for two years. It was wonderful. A little too quiet, being out in the middle of nowhere with no distractions, but that's good in and of itself really. It's good to slow down.
I asked my Aunt, who is seriously the best cook I know, if she would make my wedding cake for me. She has no confidence, but she's honoured to be asked and says she'll give it a go. So woo!
And, Obi not being there was actually a good thing too (although I had nearly no internet because my phone didn't get reception out there) because he would have been bored by the sitting-and-talking and quiet companionship that is the norm for my family. (His family are all about playing games together, my family think that's lame.) Additionally, my sister inlaw(to be) whom I have a fairly strong dislike for got engaged on my Monday. I'd been invited to skype in by the dad who knew (and I totally was on to him!) but went to Nowra instead so I missed it. Not being there, and not being able to speak with Obi paid off. That first night I had some mad jealousy and anger issues to work through, I hardly slept at all.
See, Aunty was like "Wow, that's so rude of them. Aren't they stealing your thunder?" And me, I'm not really interested in thunder so much, but if they are to set the date for this summer like everyone expects, then yes, that'll be rude - mostly to her family who will have just spent a whackload to come to Obi's wedding - and to us who will have to somehow find the money to go to Canada on short notice just after paying for an international move, a wedding and a honeymoon of our own. The date isn't set yet. I need to give the benifit of the doubt that they will give us a lot of notice so we can get there.
Bec was like "Yay! Free trip to Canada for yous." But I doubt she'll repay Obi's kindness and fly him to her wedding as he is flying her to ours.
But, not only that I took issue with her ring - From the photo it looks exactly the same as mine but with different stones. Now I'm not saying it's a copycat thing because I don't care about that stuff (though I know she does. We own a jacket that's exactly the same and every time I wear mine she comments on how she can't wear hers anymore because they are the same or tells me I have to take mine off). No, it's not about that, it's that when Obi first gave me my ring, I didn't like it. And I know he asked her for a lot of advice about proposing. I felt at the time, and again this past Monday, that he gave me the ring she would have wanted - not the ring I would have wanted (and he'd have known what I wanted had he asked my best mate - a mutual friend - not a girl I strongly dislike.) And, of course, she was the person who sized my hands, and got it wrong. I couldn't wear my engagement ring for a month because we had so much trouble getting it resized (it was drastically too big, not just a little too big) rather than having it made originally in the right size.
And, I didn't get the proposal I wanted. I didn't have anything flashy in mind - but I didn't want anyone there but the two of us, and on the day he chose I was actually really sick, so that took a lot of the joy out of it. Couple that with the fact we're not marrying on the day we want to, but on a day that suits her better and I was having a green monster crisis.
But, I couldn't talk to him about it, no matter how much I wanted to, because he was asleep, I had no internet and I don't have the money to call internationally from my mobile phone. So I prayed and worked through it alone - which is probably for the best.
He told me way back when that if I really wanted a different ring, he would get me one (the one I have is way too high and flashy for me. It's not who I am) but I felt bad and wanted to give this one a fair chance. Well, it turns out I'm alergic to platnum as well as yellow gold, so I have a reoccuring painful itchy rash that creeps out from under my ring and over my hand. It drives me wild some days.
In the end, after talking it over with the Goddess who I wasn't sure was listening, I got to the point that I realised I don't actually hate my ring anymore, and that I want to wear it - despite everything I can't image taking it off and leaving it my jewlery box forever. Even if he replaced it with one that's more me, one that I'm not alergic to, it wouldn't be the same. A replacement wouldn't be my engagement ring - even if I got a do-over of the proposal, it wouldn't be real. I realised that I need to accept him, and that he thinks differently to the way I think and that's ok - and more importantly our engagement (and possibly engagements in general) is more about him than me. I think the engagment is about the man. I've always been pro-commitment. I've always given this relationship my all - even in the times Obi would say in protest "We're not married!" as if I should hold back my love for him and his family, because we're not at that stage yet.
But he was much slower. It's always been me pushing this relationship. I wanted to go exclusive, I traveled to meet in person, I wanted it to be official, I made the plans and pushed us to close the distance and move in together. It was me comforting him and convincing him with logic. I was the one who wrote out a five year plan and said "This is when we are having kids". But the one thing I never pushed on was marriage. We never spoke about it because he believes it isn't something that should be discussed before engagement - and engagement shouldn't be spoken about either.
So, for him to come to me unprovoked and say "Will you marry me?" - that's a really big thing. That is him finally being ready, him saying "Yes, I will give you children, provide for you, keep you safe and love you until I die". It's not about me. It's not about him giving me something I want - either physically in a ring or emotionally or whatever because I could go through life unmarried and be unfazed.
We've discussed getting married in secret on the day we actually want and then just having the wedding later - but religiously, I can't do that. And, as fate may have it, if we're lucky he will arrive in Australia the day before that date - and if we're not lucky he wont be here at all. So, we couldn't have done it then anyway.
Sometimes you just have to accept things are how they are, and see the good side of what you have. And I'm managing that now, finally.
I still have trouble being happy for the sister though. I did send her a message and congratulated her - a few people did - but mine was the only one that went unanswered. I'll also send a card, that I suspect wont be appreciated. And I'll give her the support she hasn't given us, and one day she might grow up and appreciate it. Maybe
This is long! I hope I don't have to break it into two lol.
Anyway, so that was all good. Then, I was psyching myself up to call the local supermarket and ask them about my job application. See, I had an interview and they phoned me and said I'd done really well and if my references checked out I'd have the job and they'd call me in a week. Well, that Wednesday it was two weeks, I hadn't heard anything and none of my references had been contacted, so I was getting worried. I'd told myself I'd phone them as soon as I got home. I was walking home from the trainstation when they called me and told me I start training Saturday. Wooooooo!
What a bloody relief! Happy happy. Didn't think it'd take me a full month to get a job, but whatever.
I got time to settle in and get a mini holiday, visit people, visit the doctor. All good.Obi called the visa people. We know you're really not supposed to - they make that very clear - but this is the end of our fifth month waiting and we're getting twitchy.
They said they have all his paperwork, his medical and background check came through fine and that it's a big decision for the Australian government and it takes time and to just be patient. I still think it'll be November, and flying in on the 1st Dec will be fine, "I feel it in my nuggets" as Bec would say. But, what if I'm wrong?Well, I'm bored of writing now, so I'll shut up.
Good day to you!