HELP! Calling all support

[Curly]

I am really struggling.

I've always struggled, but in the last 24 hours doubt crept in.

I don't like this side of me. AT ALL.

I don't like the tears. Wondering if Im giving up my best years for something that will fizzle.
I'm scared.
I'm in love with him - but have no assurance of equally returned affection.
NONE.

I know his experiences leave him less able to connect emotionally.
I just need a sign.

Can I do this for 4 more years?

My weakness right now makes me worry that I don't have the strength for this.
It's still early. Not quite a year together.

I don't like myself this way.
Scared, weepy, and last night jealousy smacked me in the face.

Im not a jealous person. Or maybe I am.

I'm taking the time to seriously contemplate this.
Am I settling? Or sacrificing?

Please. Words of wisdom? Experience?
Just a quote that gets you through will help.

I love this man. I don't want to walk away from something good with the potential to be better down the road.
But I worry - and I feel like Im too close. Im exposed and raw.

And Im hiding these feelings from him.
Because he perceives it as insecurity and weakness.

The only person who can reassure me completely is him.
And that's not happening.

Im rambling.

So please. Can you offer me a little bit of something that helped you in hard times?

[lilspitfire]

Having feelings and emotions is a sign of weakness? Well I'm one of the weakest people around then and I guess anyone else on here is too. My quote that gets me through is "One day at a time." Also, lots of us are willing to talk to you if you need us and if you're too shy, I recommend 7cupsoftea.com. You can be anonymous on there and speak to people about stuff like this. Good luck.

[Unconditional]

My quote that gets me through those moments, and I have them quite often, is:
"I am stronger than this challenge, and this challenge is making me stronger."
"When you feel like you want to give up, and that you can't go much further, look how far you've come. The strength inside you that has brought you this far, it will be the strength to carry you all the way."
It's HARD to not let doubts arise sometimes, it happens. I just banish them with the single thought that, "He loves me, I know he does." It's a truth that keeps the doubts at bay. I suggest finding a truth to tell yourself to make you think of the good times when doubts pop up.
Also, sidenote, every one is different, therefore so is every relationship. We all have our own struggles to overcome.

[Redheart14]

One day at a time. Focus on the positives- you're together, that's a good thing. Why worry about 4 years? So much can happen in that time. You'll drive yourself crazy. One day at a time, plan trips, think of ways to keep in touch and keep yourself busy. It could be with friends or you could busy yourself with studies or writing to him. Relaxation music can help if you are that stressed you can't sleep. You need to try calm down, even though it seems hard. You don't want it to impact on your relationship, he'll constantly worry about you which will stress him. 7 cups on tea might help as suggested in the above post. You'll get there just don't think too far ahead just one day at a time. Best of luck!

[VeraRyan]

I dont know a lot about your situation but I would definitely talk to him.
Tell him about your feelings and even tell him you know what he thinks when you show emotions like that.
It's so important to keep communicating. Especially since you're in a LDR. Theres no other way to comfort each other than w words.
If he truly loves you and is right for you he will listen, tell you it's okay to feel what you feel. Once you've talked about it to him the air is cleared and you'll feel so much better.
Trust me, I have told my bf things he didn't want to hear but he has always listened to me and always tells me he understands and I am allowed to feel my feelings.
I've been in a relationship w a guy that didnt want to talk about his or mine emotions before. It made me so depressed, lonely and unhappy. Make sure you prevent it from happening to you!

[Curly]

Thank you for your words.
VeraRyan, I tried. I think Im where you were in previous relationships.

Having a very hard time staying right now.

Time will solve everything...I just keep reminding myself...one way, or the other.

[p_b82]

In the cold light of being a rational person, you have to ask the question that when you two are together, does it make up for the times when you are apart?

You also need to have a partner that can help you through the bad times though, and if you do not get the emotional support you need, then maybe he isn't the right one after all.

Hope it works out for the best for you though!

[Curly]

Thank You

I wanted to log in and say thank you to each of you for your support.
I chose to walk away from everything at the end of October.
It was a very hard decision to make. I have never broken things off with someone I'm in love with before.
However, I did not like the person I was seeing.

As much as I put him and his needs and limitations first, (ARMY, PTSD, x-wife etc)
I found that the only person in the relationship who was going to care for me and my needs - was me.

I could not continue another 4 years, knowing (and he acknowledged) it would not get better, but even more difficult.
He is an amazing man. I hope that someday he finds happiness again.
Who knows maybe this life isn't done with us yet.

But for now, I have to choose me.

Curly

In the cold light of being a rational person, you have to ask the question that when you two are together, does it make up for the times when you are apart?

You also need to have a partner that can help you through the bad times though, and if you do not get the emotional support you need, then maybe he isn't the right one after all.

Hope it works out for the best for you though!

[barb757]

you should be able to talk to him about this. his perceptions are his but he's the only one that can help ease you. i'm not saying that we can't offer you the support you need because everyone needs someone to talk to. my so always tells me to be calm and i do try but unless i can get it out of my system by talking. some of this is within you and that is something that you'll have to deal with. ldr's are not for the weak and you're going to go through a big emotional roller coaster. i can't tell you what you need to do or if you think it's a waste of time. that's got to come from you and what you think you can handle. like i said talking to him is what's going to settle you and keep you calm or make up your mind.

[whatruckus]

I wanted to log in and say thank you to each of you for your support.
I chose to walk away from everything at the end of October.
It was a very hard decision to make. I have never broken things off with someone I'm in love with before.
However, I did not like the person I was seeing.

As much as I put him and his needs and limitations first, (ARMY, PTSD, x-wife etc)
I found that the only person in the relationship who was going to care for me and my needs - was me.

I could not continue another 4 years, knowing (and he acknowledged) it would not get better, but even more difficult.
He is an amazing man. I hope that someday he finds happiness again.
Who knows maybe this life isn't done with us yet.

But for now, I have to choose me.

Curly

It is EXTREMELY hard to be with someone who has PTSD, especially someone in the military. You have to be strong. I've been with my veteran for 2 years and his PTSD has already almost broken us up twice. There's so many things that set them off. They all distance themselves and keep ones they love at arms length. I've still not fully cracked my SO, but I'm chipping away, little pieces at a time. It's very hard. If you're not prepared for that kind of work, or have faith that they'll come around one day, it is best to walk away. No one can give you advice about this type of situation unless they've been there themselves with a veteran who has PTSD.