I don't trust him but I don't know why

[Jelly11]

After a while of trying to figure out why I was getting so anxious and insecure over little weird things, I realised it comes down to one thing - I don't trust him. The thing is, I have no idea why I don't. He hasn't given me a reason not to, and he hasn't got a dodgy past or anything.

It's driving me insane because I have anxiety anyway, let alone when I imagine crazy situations in my head. For example, he is going abroad for a week soon with a colleague. His colleague is kind of a bad influence in my opinion, and it just gives me this crazy image of them having some wild week partying every night. Even my SO said he is looking forward to partying with the colleagues from this different branch, and damn, it makes me insecure.

I just wondered if anyone has had any insecurity/trust issues, and if you overcame them, how? I overthink things a lot and feel like a total crazy person when I get like this.

I don't want to talk to SO about it, before anyone suggests that. He would TOTALLY not get it, nor reassure me, and I'd rather he didn't know I had such massive insecurity issues about this. I know he trusts me completely so I feel bad about it.

[ThePhoenixRises]

Hello,

I understand what you are going through. I had the same feelings at the beginning of my LDR - but it was absolutely nothing that my SO did to make me feel that I couldn't trust him. It is difficult to explain - as I never 'didn't' trust him, I think it was more that the situation was new, I was new to LDR, and I think it was more than the situation that I didn't trust, rather than not trusting my SO. He had a few holidays with friends throughout the beginning of our LDR, and they would often go for a drink at the bar or a meal, and I always wondered if he would meet someone else, or if he would get sick of waiting for me, etc. Of course, all of these concerns were unfounded and I had nothing to worry about. I think this is just the nature of a new LDR.

In the end, there was no reason for me to worry at all, and I am sure that it will be the same for you. I think these feelings of anxiety and worry are compounded by being so far apart from our SOs, and not being a part of their every day normal lives.

I also understand not wanting to talk to your SO about it - I wasn't comfortable with discussing it either until I physically met him. I did not want him to think that I was insecure about our relationship, or that I didn't trust him - because I know he would be 100% offended if I insinuated that I didn't trust him (I would also have been offended if he didn't trust me!) Once I had met him, I felt I could talk to him about anything. In the end, they were all little worries that went away.

I know this sounds trite - but things will unfold as they are supposed to, and he will go on this trip with his colleague, and then in a week it will be over. He wants you, he wants to be in a relationship with you. Is he an easily influenced person? If not, you have nothing to worry about, as he has chosen you.

As difficult as it may be with anxieties and insecurities - wish your SO a fabulous trip, and tell him to have a great time, and when he is back, ask him how it was That way you are showing an interest in how his holiday was, and also to him, he feels that he can go away without feeling like you are upset or anxious about it. I know it is hard, but try to accept it - it will make the flow of the relationship a lot easier if both partners feel that they have the freedom and independence to be able to live their own, normal lives whilst also committing to their LDR.

Good luck! Please PM me if you ever want to talk - because I know what this is like. This is why this forum is great, because there are other people going through the exact same difficulties.

[xxcazaxx]

Have you been hurt in the past? Personally, having been cheated on in the past it made me worry at times that the same thing might happen again. The best thing for me was chatting to my OH about it who was really supportive. You might be surprised at your OH who might be equally as supportive

[hmrambling]

I would be asking myself if this is about him or is it about me. If it is about me, then I would have to work on my issues. It might help to write it out (pen and paper) and look at the source of the insecurity. If it is something that you cannot control, then you might need help (like professional help) to get to the source and reign it in.

[Teacherfairy]

One thing I've learnt through all my relationships is to follow your gut. Generally, if you're feeling anxious, it's because your needs are not being met. Now that doesn't mean he's cheating, or necessarily doing anything wrong. Maybe you're both at different stages in the relationship? Maybe you want more from him? Maybe he's not giving you this yet - which doesn't necessarily mean he won't get there eventually - but something isn't making you happy and you deserve to be happy. Maybe your feelings are based on your past - but what is it that means that you're not feeling secure with him?

I agree 100% that it's important to work on yourself and be able to manage your emotions. At the same time make sure you're also getting what you need from the relationship. I've been there so I know exactly how you feel!

[Jelly11]

Thanks guys.

I've actually been signed off work at the moment with anxiety and depression and I think it's taking my overthinking and paranoia to another level. I'm 99% sure these issues are to do with me and not him.

Yeah maybe I need to talk about it when I reach the end of the massive waiting list for counselling :-/

[Teacherfairy]

Thanks guys.

I've actually been signed off work at the moment with anxiety and depression and I think it's taking my overthinking and paranoia to another level. I'm 99% sure these issues are to do with me and not him.

Yeah maybe I need to talk about it when I reach the end of the massive waiting list for counselling :-/

Hope you're ok Jelly. Being off work can't be helping at all I imagine. Lots of time to overthink please. I go through phases of anxiety. I've found that exercise really helps. If you need to talk drop me a message x