I just cried the last two nights there and barely slept at all. Usually my thing is to just shed a few tears at the airport, but now I just couldn't stop at all. The whole last week was a fight against tears even at our local Asda's.
The funniest thing is that I almost cancelled the whole thing. I was so panicked by the whole idea of having kind of a trial move and I was scared that it would somehow ruin our relationship, because the longest time of being together non-stop was around three weeks before this. I had come to terms with it until my Airbnb host cancelled my booking one day before I was bound to leave. I just became so overwhelmed with the situation that I just cried all Sunday and really wanted to just stay home and hide in a dark corner. Seems pretty ridiculous now, but I just could not think straight at all. I don't think I've had that kind of break down before and frankly, it was fairly scary.
Fortunately, I managed to collect my thoughts and was on my way then next day. These past three months have been genuinely the best experience ever and I'm so glad I made the decision to do it. I've always been sure that he is the love of my life, but now the feeling is even stronger than before. It's funny how three months usually feel so damn long, but now it has gone past so quickly that it didn't even feel any longer than our usual week long visits. I don't know how I'm going to cope with the week long visits, they must feel incredibly short now.
I'm struggling to get over the fact that he won't be here every day. We don't even have any kind of end date and I really don't know what to do. How am I supposed to go on without knowing when the heartbreaking situation will come to an end? At the moment I just feel like that I can't leave or watch him leave anymore.
xx