I wrote about this a little bit on the forum but I decided to make a whole blog about it because it's been on my mind a lot lately.
I feel like I don't fit in where I am now.
My college really is great. It has a great reputation for my major. It has extensive undergraduate research opportunities, something I really wanted and I am involved with. I'm in the Honors program and I get merit scholarships. I'm doing really well too I think. My cumulative GPA is a 3.95 (out of a 4.0). My semester GPA is probably going to be a 4.0. But I'm unhappy.
I had three close friends coming into this semester. The one in my major is now leaving my major in favor of Psychology, a decision I support but am sad about. The second friend transfered after her marriage and now divorce messed with her GPA. We still hang out but not as much and now that she has started to date her exhusband again the hangouts have become even less. The third friend has started ignoring my calls and texts for no reason.
I'm just unhappy. In high school I had no trouble making friends. But here, I do. I can talk to people and I do try to. But I just cannot get close to anyone even after trying. I have a few acquaintances and a few people I could sit next to if I needed to but it's not the same as having a close friend. I've been basically made fun of for quite a few things: the fact that I'm in a committed relationship, the fact that I was born and raised in New Jersey, the fact that I do well in my classes, ect. It's disheartening.
I know part of the reason I'm sad is the fact that my SO is far away. But honestly, it's not the full reason. I just feel constantly feel left out or like I don't fit in.
Did anyone else have this problem in college? I feel like I made the wrong decision going here. I really thought I would love it and logically I should. But I don't.
I wish I could transfer but I would lose basically all of my credits and that just isn't an option. I was able to skip a year of undergrad (I won't be missing out on anything - I still have grad school) and I don't want to lose that.
I'm sorry if this is hard to read. I'm upset and sort of rambling.
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Ever feel like you just don't fit in? College :/
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You all have given me a lot to think about. It makes me feel better to know that not everyone had that stereotypical fun college experience.
I think one big thing is that I don't go clubbing or drink. I mean I go to some parties back home but that's with my SO and normally hosted by a good friend. I feel safer in that setting. Plus I really don't drink (one drink is more than enough for me) and people find that weird.
I was surprised by the teasing as well. It really has made me self concious. I used to get teased a lot for how well I did in school in elementary school. I wasn't expecting it at this level.
I hope this makes sense. I'm trying to study for finals and my brain is toast! Haha