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**leonsfangirl** · March 24, 2012, 10:40 AM

Later than evening I was on my laptop playing solitaire to try and pass the time when I had a pop up saying a wireless signal had been detected. My heart started pounding as I clicked it to find out what the connection was. One of my neighbours had an unsecured connection so I could use there internet but the signal was very weak. I unplugged the charger and started walking around the house hoping to pick up a stronger signal. I ended up in the study upstairs at the front of the house and I got a strong enough signal to log into msn. G was offline but I got a messages from him, saying he missed me , he hoped I had a good holiday and finally asking where I was. I sent a brief explanation of what was happening and said I'd be online as much as I could with my stolen internet. I left msn logged in while I checked my emails and FB, hoping that he'd be online soon but the signal dropped and I wasn't able to reconnect after several tries. I was relieved I'd been able to send a message but I desperately wanted to talk to him about what had happened.

I dropped my son at school the following morning and sat in the study again and managed to connect to my neighbours internet . G had sent me another message saying he'd talk to me sooner rather than later hopefully. I was typing up a reply when he came online, I was so happy and asked him why he was still awake as it was around 3 am in the morning his time. He said he waited up for me. We made small talk and I showed him the pictures I took and asked how he'd been while I was away and he asked me how the holiday went and if I was any closer to getting the internet back on properly.
I brought up what happened while I was away and told him I meant what I said and it wasn't the beer talking. He said he cared for me a lot too and that he thought about me everyday. We got quite emotional again and then naughty (hehe) and he went to sleep.
Over the next week we spoke when internet allowed and I added him onto my FB account to help us stay in touch. Once my internet was fully working we spoke for a few hours everyday and always got naughty but the had tone changed (sounds silly but bare with me) We became more loving with it, I can't really explain it. Instead of rushed and frantic it became more detailed, more personal. We decided we would only have a sexual relationship with each other (a half arsed relationship if you will as I was still with my husband.) We spent the next few months being an internet couple in secret. We spoke before he left for work and he stayed up to talk to me when he got home. He finally told me he loved me too, it just smacked him across the face during one of our late night talks.
“This is real isn't it”
“What do you mean?”
“This is the real thing, us”
“

yes, you only just figured that out? Lol”
“I love you Jennie”
“I love you too”... I was a bit teary as he hadn't said it.

We were so happy but it didn't last, we started to get suspicious of each other. Woman were leaving him messages on his message board saying “thank you for last night, see you again soon xx” and I got jealous and went out and did something stupid. I cheated, more than once. We started fighting and every time we did I cheated. Men starting leaving similar messages on my board which made him suspicious. He asked a friend of his to join up on the same game with the intention of catching me.... and I fell for it.
We had a huge fight, he admitted that just after I admitted that I loved him he got scared and did something he wasn't proud of and he felt bad for but it only happened once and it was before we went exclusive. I admitted to the 2 guys he suspected (including his friend) but denied anything else ( there was another 2 guys I fooled around with). We broke up and he deleted me from everything. I apologised so many times but he refused to listen.
“Once a cheat, always a cheat” and “I knew I shouldn't have trusted you, you were married for gods sake!”.
I was heartbroken, I emailed him often (sober and drunk) begging him to talk to me but he only replied to tell me to leave him alone. It was around 2 months before he spoke to me again, (November by then).Casual emails during the day to start off with then I added him to Facebook again. I split from my husband briefly in December and me and G became close again, no official relationship but we started being intimate again but I took my husband back and G and I had another argument. He deserved better than being the other guy, a back up when things weren't working out at home. I agreed. Things went cold for us for the next month. I focused on sorting my marriage out and he got on with work. Mid January he posted a message on my wall saying he was thinking of me and apologising for not being around. We started again as friends, he said in order for him to trust me again he needed to know exactly what had happened before we split. I lied and said I'd already told him everything. I didn't want to hurt him any more and honestly I was ashamed and felt so guilty about it. We took it slowly and spoke a few times a week. Over the months that followed we crossed the line between friends and lovers several times, we still told each other I love you. We also had a lot of fights, sometimes we wouldn't speak for a day or so and sometimes it would be weeks but we always came back to each other. In the spring of 2010, we had a massive argument about when I cheated. He caught me out and I admitted to everything and he got very upset and angry with me. It hurt him that he gave me the chance to be 100% honest with no repercussions and I still lied to him., he said he didn't want to speak to me again and he wanted me to leave him alone.
I took it very badly, I messaged him every other day begging him to talk to me, saying sorry and just pleading with him to let me know he was OK but I got nothing. Weeks turned to months and I messaged him less and less eventually only messaging him when I was drunk. I finally accepted that I'd lost my best friend. I thought about him and missed him everyday. I focused on sorting out my marriage and cut all ties with the game we played and everybody on it.
6 months later, I got an email from him.
“I miss you”
I cried! I was soo happy that he was OK and that he missed me. I emailed him back straight away.
“I miss you too”

**leonsfangirl** · March 24, 2012, 10:42 AM

We started casually emailing each other again, how we were, what had happened in the past six months. We decided to be friends, we admitted we still cared for each other but I was married and it wasn't right. We got close again, became best friends again. We started talking daily for hours like we used to. Added back on Facebook and msn. We had a few minor arguments but instead of him running (deleting and blocking me) we took a day or so and talked it over. Our love grew and blossomed and looking back the fights were out of frustration at the situation. We crossed the line between lovers and friends again and each time we both felt guilty but we couldn't help ourselves.
Our love grew stronger, he was the first person I wanted to tell all the good things to. The person I wanted when times got tough and he felt the same. He loved me and I loved him but neither of us knew what to do about it. We lived over 4,000 miles away from each other and I was still married.
He hit a rough patch and I did everything I could to cheer him up, he got pretty depressed and said that his phone never rang and no one would notice if he wasn't here. I said I'd notice and if he wanted I'd call him when ever he wanted. A week or so passed and I got a message on facebook in the afternoon asking if I meant what I said about calling him and would it cost a lot of money if I did. I said I meant what I said and it would be a free call with the package I was on. A few minutes later he sent me his number. I felt so sick with nerves as I dialled the number.
“What if he couldn't understand my accent?”
“What if he didn't like how I sounded?”
My hand was shaking as the phone rang and when he said Hello my heart started pounding in my chest. I blurted out “Is now a good time?” really fast.. he giggled and said it was fine. We made small talk for a bit and talked about how strange it was to hear each others voices (we had sent the odd voice clip on msn before). We'd known each other for 2 years at this point and knew each other better than anyone else so to have this added some more depth to “us”.
I asked if I sounded like he thought I would, he said no. He barely picked up on my Brummie accent and he thought my voice was husky and sexy (blush!) I called him a liar and he promised me that was the truth. He then turned the question back on me. I said yes and no and he asked me to explain. I said I thought his voice would sound a little deeper and his accent a little stronger but somehow he sounded how he should. What I knew of him came across in his voice. Again he asked me to explain. I said he voice sounded kind yet strong and caring. G went quiet for a minute or so and I asked if he was OK. He said yeah he just wasn't expecting that kind of answer and it made him blush. I laughed and said now you know how I feel (He often made me blush and left me speechless). We talked for about 3 hours then he had to go and get ready for work. We agreed to talk again on the phone soon and said our goodbyes more than once and it became apparent that neither of us wanted to hang up and when we finally did, I felt so sad, so alone. Seems stupid as I knew I'd get to speak to him again soon but that's how I felt. Over the next few days we spoke a lot more over msn and arranged to speak again on the phone after his first day shift.
My husband at this point hated G, and I can't blame him. He knew something was going on (he hacked my facebook and saw some private messages between us but nothing concrete).We had been drifting apart for along time now and were together out of habit instead of any actual feelings of love. When I said I was calling G he got pretty pissy but I said I wouldn't be long I just wanted to find out how his first day at his new job went. I took the phone into the bedroom as I didn't feel comfortable talking in front of my husband. We talked for about 2 hours when my husband interupted and asked if I wanted to watch a movie, I said no he should go ahead and watch it. When the movie ended he came back and asked how much longer I was going to be and I just waved him off. It was close to midnight (I'd been on the phone around 4 hours) when my husband came into the bedroom again and said he was going to sleep, I told G to hang on a sec. I said goodnight to my husband and got up to leave the room and continue my conversation. My husband flipped and demanded I hang up, I said no I hadn't finished yet and went out the bedroom into the hallway to go down the stairs. My husband stormed past me and I knew exactly what he was going to do. I told G that the phone was going to disconnect and I'll talk to him soon, he managed to say OK then the line went dead. My husband stomped back upstairs with the phones wires and the modem in his hands. He shouted that he'd had enough and slammed the bedroom door. I went downstairs and slept on the sofa, I was upset but not at the end of my marriage but at the fact I didn't have G to talk to. I managed to use the internet on my mobile phone to send a facebook message to G telling him what had happened and that my marriage was over. He apologised a lot and said he didn't mean for this to happen and that he felt terrible. I assured him it wasn't his fault and that this had been a long time coming. Over the coming month he was my support while I arranged somewhere to live (I couldn't stay in the marital home) and started the new chapter of my life.
I moved into a new home with the children a month after the split. Again I had to wait ages for the internet to get connected but I couldn't stand being cut off from G so I bought a wireless dongle which was useless but it was better than nothing. Once word got around that the split between my husband and I was permanent. A few guys that I'd been friends with a long time started to hit on me and flirt with me openly on Facebook. I hated it and so did G, he hated that they treated me like a piece of meat and not a person. I tried to make it clear that I wasn't interested but nothing seemed to work. During one of our long msn chats I said I was thinking of changing my relationship status to “In a relationship” with the hope that they would leave me alone but then I would have to invent a boyfriend and they'd catch me out. He said I could use him and he would play it up to whoever I wanted and our fake relationship was born. Over the next week or so we played it up on facebook by flirting with each other and laughed about it in private.
“It's my job to worry about you, we are facebook official after all”
I told him that I liked the “look” of us being in a relationship and he agreed but we didn't say anything more. Unfortunately, my plan hadn't worked and the guys carried on hassling me. As G was in Canada they didn't think our relationship was going to last and said he was probably cheating and all sorts of crap. G and I got into a fight over the constant attention I was receiving. He hated seeing guys treat me so badly and me not seemingly do anything about it. I explained it was difficult as 2 of the guys were my best friends brother and the other was her husband. I didn't want to risk my friendship with her because of them. G said he couldn't take it any more and I could do whatever I wanted. I said I had zero interest in being with them and didn't want there attention.
“Then what do you want?” G asked and I thought about it for a minute and said
“You, I want you. Always have” I didn't get a reply so I asked him“What do you want?”
“You” he replied.
We decided that our fake relationship should be a real and proper relationship. That we would be together properly for the first time since we met. No secrets, no lies, no one else,just us.

That was October 2010, we've had a few bumps since then but we've overcome them all and fell deeper and deeper in love. We met for the first time in September 2011 and spent a wonderful week together. We announced our engagement on our 1 year anniversary with plans to marry in Canada as soon as we could. He'll be visiting me in May for 2 weeks and we couldn't be more excited.
We've come so far in the last 4 years and I truly believe that we will spend the rest of our lives together. That there is nothing we can't overcome, we have love, we have time and we have each other and we have to desire to see this through. I honestly think that we needed to go through all the hard times to learn how to be strong together. We have such a strong bond that even the ocean can't come between us.

I hope that this story gives hope to some of you that you can survive anything if the love is there, and for us I know the love is there.

**Belle** · March 24, 2012, 11:53 AM

Wow your love story seems to overcome all. I couldn't stop reading. I won't comment on you being married while your relationship started since I've never been married. I can imagine its hard to leave someone you've been with so long and you have kids with regardless of the reasons to leave. I think its great that you have found your best friend now, that you believe in a relationship that will last forever and that you were honest with him even if a bit later than he would have hoped. Congratulations on your engagement and remember to stay honest. Best of luck!

**leonsfangirl** · March 25, 2012, 05:45 AM

Thank you for your kind words.
I think the love my SO gave me, gave me the strength to let the marriage go. I'd had my doubts about the relationship before i met my SO.. even before i got married but i felt i should do what was expected of me as we had children. I'm just glad my SO stuck with me through it all.

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