Why didn't he close the distance?

[mlestoll]

I joined this site because I was with a guy for over two years, and he didn't make any attempts to initiate closing the distance. What did I do wrong? He never called me on the phone or sent me packages or anything. Are there any excuses for that kind of behavior?

[Haley53]

Honestly, the question is way too broad for me to answer truthfully. It's not always the man who should initiate closing the distance, and not all couples are lucky enough to have it happen within a couple years; a lot of couples have had to wait/are going to have to wait 5+ years to close the distance. So for me, for that, it would really depend on his reasons, considering there's a lot to consider, including but not limited to work and school.

Sure, not talking on the phone might be a little bit weird to some, but again, it depends on the situation. Did he ever Skype? How often did you talk online? My partner and I don't talk on the phone that often simply due to the calling costs. Because we're an international relationship, it's a hell of a lot more costly. Same goes for sending mail to one another. I've sent more than he has, but that's mostly down to the fact I have the money to spend on not only the gifts themselves, but on international shipping.

I would also say it depends on how often you voiced these concerns to him and in what way.

[Sierra]

I joined this site because I was with a guy for over two years, and he didn't make any attempts to initiate closing the distance. What did I do wrong? He never called me on the phone or sent me packages or anything. Are there any excuses for that kind of behavior?

This is a very vague post. Did you guys ever meet? He never called you on the phone and you were together for two years?

[mlestoll]

we never met and i think he called me on the phone two or three times in two years.

[Zephii]

It took my SO and I just shy of 5 years to meet in person, 6 to close the distance. And it wasn't him that took either of those steps in our relationship. Relationships mean more to women than to men. I know it seems like a horrible thing to say, but it's just the way we are wired. Sometimes you need to be the driving force in your relationships. If you want something you have to make it happen, not just wait around for a knight in shining armour.

It's possible he just wanted to take it slow. Or he wasn't ready. Or maybe he was just stringing you on for the fun of it.

In relationships you can only do the best you can do and be responsible for yourself, you know? Everything else either falls into place, or is for the birds

[kiara_silver]

For me and my SO it took a little over 2 years just to meet. And we're still looking at about another 2 years to close the distance. We hardly ever talk on the phone. Mostly just online, so it depends on a lot of things. How far apart is your distance? You should first concentrate on meeting I think, then plan closing the distance. I would just be open and talk to him, and let him know how your feeling.

[Sierra]

It too, took my boyfriend and I over two years to meet, and before that we didn't talk on the phone, skype or anything other than AIM. We also weren't a couple.

If you want to meet, bring it up, but start there. Ask him about the distance between you guys. Are the feelings you feel mutual? Have you had an explicit conversation about it?

[elizabethjp2010]

there are so many extenuating circumstances! We would need more to go on than what you told us. Your profile says youre only 20, im only 19, so its not like youre old, yall were still young, that could be why he wasnt ready to close the distance.
Were you more serious than him, because that could be why he never did any of those things you wanted him too (i hope not bc that would suck.)

[lucybelle]

I appreciate the brevity, but there's just not enough information to give you any good advice. Having very direct conversations about what you want from a relationship and from each other is really important. If you never told him "I want to meet" or "I want a phone call" or "I want you to send me something in the mail" or "[This] is what I expect out of our relationship", how was he supposed to know?

[elizabethjp2010]

I appreciate the brevity, but there's just not enough information to give you any good advice. Having very direct conversations about what you want from a relationship and from each other is really important. If you never told him "I want to meet" or "I want a phone call" or "I want you to send me something in the mail" or "[This] is what I expect out of our relationship", how was he supposed to know?

I agree with lucybelle, sometimes you have just be straight forward and say what you want... sometimes boys brains dont work! haha

[Sierra]

I appreciate the brevity, but there's just not enough information to give you any good advice. Having very direct conversations about what you want from a relationship and from each other is really important. If you never told him "I want to meet" or "I want a phone call" or "I want you to send me something in the mail" or "[This] is what I expect out of our relationship", how was he supposed to know?

Exactly. I've actually had conversations with my boyfriend where he's told me that something I needed from our relationship was silly, and it wasn't until I explained in black and white why it was important to me and why I needed it that he realized it wasn't silly at all.

If you don't tell him what you need or want from the relationship, you can't expect him to know. Men are not mind readers and as a matter of fact, sometimes it's just best to assume they'll miss all cues unless you explicitly tell them.

[Moon]

Maybe he's sitting somewhere wondering the same things about you?

You should probably have concentrated more on working out a first meeting before wondering why he (why not you?) didn't initiate closing the distance. Definitely need more details though, before anyone can offer any constructive advice.