Bank accounts

[lucybelle]

I know this has been talked about before, but I wanted to start a new one.

So I've always been a you have your account with your money, and I have my account with my money. Which is how it's been for the past yearish. But now I'm finally getting paid again and they do it with direct deposit. I don't have a bank account here and it's a royal pain in the ass to open one, so right now my paycheck is being deposited into my SO's account. I trust him, and he's really good with money, but I just don't like being dependent on him. Of course I still have my bank accounts in the states with my other money in it, but I get charged to use the card so it's better to ask for money from my SO so I don't get nickle and dimed to death. But I just don't like it. So the obvious answer is to open a bank account, but to do that I'd need to get 3 or 4 letters of recommendation plus I'd need to show a power or water or telephone bill that I've paid in my name, which I don't have in my name so I'd have to go through this whole OTHER thing to get that, and I might need to have residency which I still don't have. Ugh, like I said, a royal pain in the ass.

How would you feel if you were in my situation? I really get paid very little every month, one third of it goes to rent and bills anyways (expensive as mess here!) How are your bank accounts set up? Would you be okay having your paycheck put into your SO's account?

[Haley53]

I'd be all right with it temporarily and if it had to be that way out of convenience, but I'm not sure I'd feel okay with it long-term.

The idea of sharing a bank account is difficult for me because of what I watched my mother go through with my father (they shared everything). "I trust my SO!" people say, but my mother trusted my father too, and let me tell you, that $20,000 worth of credit card debt in her/their name that he racked up behind her back was a nasty wake-up call! Courts only ordered him to pay half, which is understandable, but still, my mother's great with money, had wonderful credit before my father screwed it up, so... Maybe she should have done a credit check beforehand. But because I grew up with that and because the divorce and issue with the credit cards happened in my vulnerable teenage years, it's sort of stuck with me. I also have a lot of control and hoarding issues around money based on my grandfather, and this is where I would have issues relying on someone. Like I said, I could do it temporarily. I trust my SO. He's better at managing his money than either parents were, to be honest, from what I can see. :P But I simply think I'd feel nervous if my money were going to someone else's bank account. It's not the way I was brought up accustomed to and I was always brought up being taught the practicals about pre-nups, not sharing bank accounts, protecting what's yours, etc. so I imagine some of that would likely come into play if it was something I had to think about getting used to long-term. I feel like I'll be the devil's advocate here, since I know I caught shit for this on other night forum and accused of not trusting my SO with my money when that's not the case. It's more an issue of control. To feel in control over my money, I need to be the one managing it directly, not indirectly or through someone else.

[digitalfever]

Is it possible to open a joint account up there with less hassle if your the secondary card holder?

[Engel]

I have been in your situation. At first I had an international card, but there was a lot of places i couldn't pay with it, even though it was a vas card! and there was a limit of what i could take per month at the automatic machine, barely enough to pay for rent and my language school, leaving me with really limited choices as of where to buy whatever else i wanted/needed, including food!
so my mother started to send my money to my SOs account, until when i opened an account here. they wanted to cancel my account when i had to go back to brazil when my visa ended, but didn't because i said i was almost getting a new visa! lol (almost, like 4, 5 months after i told them that? )
so i will only show my face at my bank when i have my spouse permission to stay in germany safe and pretty on my passport! shouldn't take long now, so i can start to breath in relief!

[Dziubka]

That's an uncomfortable situation to be in.
As a practical tip: Can you ask him to just give you x amount in cash each week/two weeks/month without you asking?
You'd still sort of depend on him, but you wouldn't have to ask him for money anymore.

I would be ok with it temporarily. I'd make him give me my money, the part that is not used for rent and bills every (other) week, and then just live a cash-only life. I would feel really uncomfortable asking him for money... plus I don't want to have to justify myself when I've spent a lot of money in a relatively short time

[lucybelle]

@Eclaire, I totally get where you're coming from and I feel the same way. If I ever get married I plan to come up with a pre-nup. I have money that is MINE and needs to be protected from whatever. It's not that I don't trust him... it's that, I don't like being helpless.

I like the idea of a cash-only life, but theft is so common here I'd worry about keeping large amounts of money around the apartment in cash.

I guess we can keep doing this for a temporary time, but in the end I'll probably have to bite the bullet and get my own account. Also, I like the idea of a joint account. I'll look into that!

[Rach321]

I was going to suggest a joint account as well. That's how we do it. He has his account, and I have mine, but we also have a joint account that we both put money into each month. That goes toward any household stuff. Everything is in his name, but somehow it feels better knowing that I'm transferring money into an account that has my name on it.

[Haley53]

I was going to suggest a joint account as well. That's how we do it. He has his account, and I have mine, but we also have a joint account that we both put money into each month. That goes toward any household stuff. Everything is in his name, but somehow it feels better knowing that I'm transferring money into an account that has my name on it.

I definitely like and agree with this idea.

[Tooki]

Having a mutual joint account as well as individual accounts would be the best idea. I will probably do this in the future.

[floridaellen]

My parents have a joint account and then they each have personal accounts. That's what my SO and I plan to do if we live together.

[Rach321]

Lucybelle, maybe what you can do is set up a joint account that has Oscar's name on it, but it's really yours where your paycheck can be deposited???

[lucybelle]

Lucybelle, maybe what you can do is set up a joint account that has Oscar's name on it, but it's really yours where your paycheck can be deposited???

I like that idea. We'll talk about it tonight. I'd like to have a debit card I could use but here people ALWAYS ask for ID so it'd be impossible for me to use a card with his name on it.

Thanks for all the input guys

[ioanna]

I also vote for the joint account. Over here each person gets a card with their name on it with these accounts but i don't know if thats the same in CR.
I guess it also depends on ther type of joint account you're opening too. If it's 'X and Y' needed for aproving transactions or 'X or Y'. I think for checking accounts it's'mostly 'X or Y', which is what you're after.
Good luck with the paperwork/process

[Zephii]

We have a primary joint account. It's better for our visa, and we share everything so *shrug* it's not a big deal for us anymore.

It's odd because I'm the only one working, but generally he pays for everything - often with "my" money, but it looks like he's paying. I have no problem asking for money, or offering it.

Before I came back home, I was in the situation where I didn't have any money of my own, I'd put it all into his Canadian account to close my own, and that was awkward. Knowing none of it was in my name and I was leaving the country? mmm, not a good feeling. A few weeks there I had to ask for everything, because I had no access to his account, and yeah I wasn't keen on that. I can see why you're not thrilled by doing it either haha.

I'd ask him to get a second keycard and give you the pin, seems like the easiest solution.

[lademoiselle]

Another vote for one joint and two personal account(s) from me. Although the issue hasn't yet come up in conversation with my SO and I, I daresay that's the route we'd take. We both have a strong sense of independence; I can't imagine either of us would be comfortable with pooling our financial resources so completely. Plus, in all objectivity I'm better at managing money than my SO, and to put everything we earn into one account which would most likely be in his name is something which I simply wouldn't be happy with. It's by no means a trust issue, just a practicality.