College living

[katylynnlee]

I'm going to be moving to Toronto this summer, and I'm starting to get a bit nervous. My SO and I have mutually decided that living together now isn't really an option, because we are in different places and it would be beneficial for him to stay at home until he decides what he wants to do with school (instead of wasting a bunch of money to move out, and just work). So I am in the process of making plans to move in with another girl from the area, or just out on my own.

I know this sounds silly, but I'm worried about college and how I am going to maintain a relationship. I have been with my boy for almost 2 years, but everyone usually parties in college and you meet tons of new people. I'm so scared that I'll go up there and meet someone in the same place as I am. In college, who knows what they want to do. I really want to stay with my SO and live happily ever after, but I'm not sure if I'm suppose to be living the college experience and having the rest of my life ahead of me. That doesn't mean sleep around with a bunch of guys, but I will be attending art school. My boyfriend isn't exactly artistic or creative, and we don't really have much in common in that aspect.

It actually makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. We have been through rocky times, mainly because of the LDR. But when we're together, I am happy and he makes me laugh. I just got home, and I'm starting to feel that distance creep in again and I start to worry more and more about college and whether or not I'll meet someone and leave my SO behind.

The thought scares me. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice for me. Thank you!

[kittyo9]

I haven't really found it to be a problem. I've been in college the whole time I've been with my boyfriend and the way I think about it is that I love my boyfriend and I would never hurt him. If I do find that I am seriously interested in someone else, I will talk about it with him, and we will decide what to do from there, before any trust is violated. I've been in the party scene and all, but I've never really found someone I was interested in. But you do have to keep in mind that yes, you will meet people, and yes, they might seem cool, but unless you feel an exceptionally strong bond, it's probably nothing.

I'm not really for the "hook-up culture" thing, myself, so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything. I would rather have long-term relationships and have intimacy solely within them. But I'm also not closed to the possibility that I might just meet someone better at some point, however unlikely it may seem. You have to remember that you do have a commitment to your boyfriend, but just as if he were present with you, sometimes other people wander into your life unexpectedly.

You'll probably find that you'll spend more of your weekends in than out, but that all depends on you. I really enjoy just spending a weekend with my boyfriend online-- even though we aren't together, it's really nice to be able to devote that amount of time to him, and it brings us a little closer. I live with people who like to party, but I have found that I really only enjoy going out every once in a while, and usually when my boyfriend has something to do, too, so I don't feel like I'm taking time away from us.

[efish1042]

My SO has been in college almost the entirety of our relationship. The first year, yeah he went out an partied too much, but that is one of those things that he had to discover and remedy for himself. He's just that kind of guy. He has to learn from his own mistakes. He never cheated on me at college. We had a very minor incident the first Christmas we were together, but he was back here and while it made me question his actions at college, it turned out to be nothing. I think the biggest problem we had regarding college and not just being LD was substance abuse, but that was also short lived.
College isn't really the issue. It's communication and moderation. You'll both be really busy and hopefully you will let him know when you plan on going out or what have you -and if anything happens that makes you in the least uncomfortable, tell him as soon as you can. It saves you so much trouble because it will likely be made known to him at some point.
Communication not only ensures you two maintain your bond, but also enables you to work out issues with him is they come up or if you begin to take an interest in someone else.
It can work. My SO and I are closing the distance in 4 months. Just to give you a little light at the end of the tunnel

[princessmeg1328]

I was in my last year of college when my SO and I started dating. You don't have to have the "typical" college experience. In fact, I found that most of the people at my college didn't have the "typical" experience. Sure, a lot of them went to clubs and stuff, but very few of them actually slept around. I was an RA for 4 out of 5 years at college. There was one party that was ever held on my floor. A lot of the people at the college I went to were in committed relationships. Whatever experiences you have at college are your college experiences. Don't do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to go to a party, don't go. If you want to stay in and talk to your SO, do that. Nobody is there to judge you. Everyone is pretty busy doing their own thing.

For me, it was easier when I was taking classes to maintain my relationship when compared to when I did my student teaching. We have a 6 hour time difference, and it sucked when we only got to talk for an hour because he had to go to bed. We made it work though. Like elfish said, make sure you communicate with your SO. When you're having a hard time with classes or anything, let him know. He'll probably end up being your biggest supporter while you're there. I know my SO was when I had problems.

Also, my SO and I are planning to get married next year. It can and does work out.

[sewbama]

College doesn't mean parties and sex. College means school and living on your own. If parties and sex are what you want, college isn't going to play into that at all. That's about you and your life style. If it's never been an issue before, it likely won't be then.

You probably will meet people you find attractive. Don't think that means you don't love your SO. Just remember that attraction and love are different. Love is worth ignoring all those attractions. Remember those smiles he gives you. You'll be fine.

[katylynnlee]

Thanks everyone! I think I'm a bit nervous about the whole experience in general. I'm not sure what to expect. Plus, I want to bring everything I own, but everyone tells me that I won't need to. Hahaha, new experiences and learning opportunities, I guess.

My SO is awesome. I just sometimes worry about silly things when we're apart. I'm getting a bit better at it, but when the distance closes, I think I'll feel a lot better. Thanks again!