Is it bad that I can't choose between him or my mom?

[MissVampyxo]

To put it short and simple I'm having a hard time thinking of even leaving here and going to be with him. I have a feeling that I will have no choice but to move to Florida to be with him, but I of course don't have to. I'm still a teenager, and my mom gets me mad A LOT and I of course say I don't want to see her or even hate her but who doesn't? He always brings that up and doesn't understand why I'm so sad and scared about leaving my mom. But, she's my MOM you know. It's not even my dad, or sister, it's my mom that makes me sad. I've already heard before, to just get over it we all have to do it at sometime. But this is STATES away from her, I'm still young I'm new to all of this and having to do all of this at once is scary.

I'm going to be visiting for a month, and he says if I don't like it there then that's fine and I can go back home. But if I don't stay we might have to go years without being together or even seeing each other. It's like I'm being forced to choose between the most important person in someones life, and the love of my life.

I have severe anxiety and I get days like these where I can barely function from just being so upset. I don't want to go - but know I have to. I don't want to leave, but need to visit. My SO gets upset because he can't do anything and really I just need him to be here for me to at least hug me.

He also always says he 'promised/promises' that we will move back here after we get our things together, or after I do college, etc. But how can he promise that?

I just don't know, I needed somewhere to rant and get this off my chest. I'm 17, I shouldn't even be in a relationship, but I'm in love and I put myself in this position. I sometimes do wish I never fell for him because I could have a normal life with a boyfriend who lives CD and be happy. But I just can't make myself stop loving him and break up with him.

[efish1042]

Wow... I made a long reply and it didn't post.
Long story short!
No it's not bad. My mom is one of my best friends and I will miss her a lot when I move to university in the fall.
However, it sounds like you might be worried about more than that. Does you mom approve? Are you afraid of the change? Anxious to be with your SO? Something else maybe? It's not a good idea to rush into a move when you have doubts.
And who said you shouldn't have a relationship at 17? I'm 18 and have been with my SO since I was 15 and we are closing the distance in August. People start casually dating much younger than 17. For people like you and me, sometimes we know something good when we have it and we hold on to it, regardless of age. It's a maturity thing more than age.

[Moon]

No, it's not bad that you can't choose. You're only 17, and while it's true that everyone has to do it sometime, that's awfully young to not have your mom around. You don't have to be ready to leave your mom at 17, sweetie You do have to make a choice though, but if you aren't ready yet, you're not, that's all. Most people aren't at your age, that's normal. If I were you, and I know how hard this sounds, I'd wait at least a year before considering it. You can work and save money and think about it some more. If that guy honestly loves you and wants the best for you, he'll get it and not pressure you anymore. I understand how bad if feels to be apart, but if you aren't ready, the relationship just isn't going to work out in the end, and you'll have moved for nothing.

I honestly think that it sounds like you need more time, don't make yourself sick over this, enjoy your teen years while you have them. Adulthood will last the rest of your life, there's NO need to rush it, and if he can't be understanding about that, as much as you may love him, he isn't worth it. Do what's right for YOU, that's really important, trust me Good luck.

[lucybelle]

As always, Moon gives great advice. I moved to Costa Rica when I was 24 and I was still sad to leave my mom!! She's always been supportive of all my decisions, but it still sucks to be away from her. One of the reasons I want to move back home is to be near my mom. So she can watch my dog and any children I might decide to have. So we can drink beer on the back porch and feed the chickens. (man do we sound like hicks! jaja) But seriously, family is huge and you're young to be moving away. I think you should do what Moon says and give it a year or so to think it over. Best luck.

[DemonxOisin]

I would never have described myself as being especially close to my mom, but as the date to me moving across the country gets closer and closer, the more I realize how much I will miss her. In fact, my SO and I were talking about where we would live in future years, and I caught myself positively FLIPPING out at him because he wouldnīt give me a straight answer about coming back to live in Toronto. I couldnīt stand the thought of leaving here forever. I think that it is quite normal to feel that way, and that the two lovely ladies above me have something in saying that maybe you should wait a bit longer to sort things out for yourself, and realize what YOU yourself wants.

[MissVampyxo]

She is obviously letting me go, and says I should because I don't have much of a life. I don't have friends, and I'm not a social person I literally sit in my bedroom all day. Both of my parents say they'd rather me go out and start life then having me sit in this bedroom all the time. But it's my comfort zone, especially just having my mother there. She of course is also saying she doesn't want me to go and wants him to move here. And I am of course extremely afraid of change, of going to a new place I know nothing about, meeting his entire family and friends. Traveling alone, but I just want to be with him again. I miss him so damn much but I'm going to miss my mom the same if not more than what I feel when I miss him!

---------- Post added at 11:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:09 PM ----------

It's the exact same with me, I'm not super close with her or even best friends. But she's just my mother, we get in little fights a lot and annoy the hell out of each other..but now seeing that I might not be able to see her for a long time.. or not just wake up to her being here is really scary.
But...that's why I'm visiting for as long as I can to see what it's like first before making the big step of moving. But like I said I just feel like if I don't how much longer will it take? And I KNOW I want to be with him, more than anyone. I don't find myself attracted to anyone else or anything, and he apparently feels the same. I want to do anything to be with him-but the leaving my mother is getting really hard.