How long before you merge finances?

[lucybelle]

I'm a believer in keeping separate accounts, but recently my SO and I have talked in terms of "our car", "our new computer", "our groceries" etc. I still have my USA account, but my monthly paychecks get deposited into his bank account (since I have no desire to do the run around to open one). And now my SO is coming up with a few things that are going to cost him (us?) money. He's going to get braces (which he thought were going to be free, but they won't be) and he's in school. I'm wondering whether or not I should chip in a fraction of these costs or pay 1/2. He makes more than I do, but I have more than he does in savings.

I guess ultimately it's up to the two of us, but what do you guys think? Should personal things like this become a burden of both people before marriage? I mean obviously we split bills, rent, groceries, gas, etc. But these things are specifically for him. What do you think?

[snow_girl]

When my SO called last night about his account being negative he apologized saying he was sorry to bother me with it. I understood but at the same time told him that we are kind of in this together. He has been paying all the rent and bills for two. I told him I had savings and would give him some if he needed but he said he didn't want to take my money. In the past he once bought me some paints and brushes, I felt bad cause I had the money to pay for it. I think that after being together for a while....I don't really know how to answer. I guess if there really any difference between paying for the rent of paying for some braces? Either way it is money going towards helping out. If he has to fork up all the money then maybe that means you'll contribute a bit more to groceries? You've talked about marriage with him, it isn't like this is something you would be spending money on someone who isn't going to be around to show you the end result.
Also when he called last night I thought that we can't go on any trips. I have money to but I don't think it is fair I go and he sticks around to deal with being short. So in that sense I guess we are kind of merged? I don't know if any of this relates to your question so if not, my bad!

[lucybelle]

Yeah my SO has a debt that I wouldn't be comfortable contributing to. He incurred it before we lived together and it's for his father so I don't want to pay that at all. Braces I kind of see either way, but his school is something that will help both of us in the future.

And I get what you mean in the last paragraph. Sometimes when I want to go somewhere he'll say he can't afford it. So in a way, that means we can't afford it.

[marbear31]

Right now, since we're international, we obviously have separate bank accounts, and I'm guessing we will until we're married. But I think it's important to actively discuss money, since that's the biggest factor of divorce, and it's much better to know your SO's saving/spending habits before you merge your assets. I think it's smartest to do it after marriage (unless that's not your intent) for legal purposes, in particular, but also because you kind of know you're with someone for the long haul after that especially. :P

Personally, what's mine is his and what's his is mine. I'd help him pay for something in a heartbeat if he needed it, and vice versa. So, we do have separate accounts, but I think when we're close distance this summer, we'll see how each other manages money the best (my SO is a bit of a spender--I love his impulsivity, but I think he's gotten a lot more conscientious over the past several months (at least I've seen him doing so ^_^) because finances are about us now, at least in intent).

I think you should do what's best for your situation, and not by any societal rules.

[nomnom_elf]

there is a way you can merge- and yet not merge your finances completely. reading from your post, i gather that by depositing your paycheck your SO is ultimately in charge of EVERYTHING. while its great you are both open, honest and trust each other; where does that leave you when you want to go do something such as clothes shopping?? which brings me to your point on braces. even if you weren't with him, he'd still have to pay for them himself. so my opinion is that he should still pay for himself. but you could help instead by offering to pay alil extra in that weeks' food shop to counter some of tht cost if you felt inclinded to do so.

i really think you should get your own account once u are both sorted and CD- then pay standing order of the bills etc into his account. that way you have your own money if u want a treat... or worse it gets sour. you can both pitch into a savings account for a special something.

[lucybelle]

When I go shopping, or when we go out to eat, or whatever he always pays now. He's very good at keeping up with finances and has this huge spreadsheet that he updates every single day. Every day he puts in what he bought and how much it cost. So although our money is lumped together, he has a "his money" and a "my money" sheet. So when I "buy" something, he takes it out of "my" money.

For example is the account is $3000, his money might be $2000 and mine might be $1000. If I want to buy a $50 pair of shoes, he pays for it, but it comes out of "my" money. The account is now $2950, but his money is still $2000 while mine is now $950. Am I making sense?

[Zephii]

I think the time to merge comes when you can't see the boundary between his money and yours anymore, when you come to that place in your lives where no matter which person pays for it effects both of you.

The thing is, if he spends all his money on bracers, school and debt and then can't pay for food or rent for example, would you step in and cover those things for him, lend him the money or just let him go hungry?

I think because of his debt and all its probably not time to invest your money in things that are mostly for him, so I'd vote not paying into his school or teeth.

[lonelyinlove]

Im a firm believer of helping each other out && when living together, I think housely expenses should be one, but I dont I would be comfortable having one account unless we were married or using the account ONLY to save up for something mutually wanted/needed and/or decided on....

[Katelyn313]

Dylan and I have talked about finances but I'm not sure we ever mentioned school or things like that. We want to have 'his', 'mine' and 'our' accounts. In other words, a majority (90-95%) of the money we make at our jobs will go into the 'our' accouts for household things, upkeep, savings and children (eventually). The rest of the money each of us make will go into our own accounts. That way, if I want a new Kindle book (I'm a total nerd) or he wants a new PS3 game, we don't want to have to ask the other. Also, we don't feel those are really household-type things. However, we won't be using our own money to get anything expensive without consulting the other. We each have budgets as it stands now and we'll be making a new one when we close the distance. We have the same views on money (we're both savers that like the occasional indulgence) and it should be fairly easy for us to blend our finances.

Hope that helps... good luck!

[Jazi]

I think the time to merge comes when you can't see the boundary between his money and yours anymore, when you come to that place in your lives where no matter which person pays for it effects both of you.

This^^ These are VERY wise words :P

I do agree with this, until you get to this point it's probably going to be hard/uncomfortable to merge your finances. My SO and I already transfer money between each other when in need, especially for flights cos we consider that a completely joint expense and we both put in what we can. We also have a joint savings account in Aus - we are slowly moving his money over to Aus bit by bit and want to have shared accounts in the long run too. The interest rates in Aus are so much better as well