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problems closing the gap

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    problems closing the gap

    hello new member here,

    i just want the best for my relationship and am really trying. So i figured here would be a good start. I'm 24 working in Japan with the US military. Her and i met last year and things went well. It has been long distance from the very beginning. I met her through her sister who is husband i work with. well i went to her home country and loved it. It was beautiful. She was everything i had heard and observed on skype. We decided that we should close the gap in a few months. well then my doctor tells me i need to have surgery, a few more local annual charges came up all this month. my goal was to pay for the ticket next month. i still think i can do it but i just was being honest with her and letting her know i may not be able to till mid month. She is now worried about how are we going to make it etc. how will she find work. So she came up with a proposal to move to a even further away country(in which tickets are 2x as expensive) and take a 2 year contract where i would not be able to see her for the first year. she has obligations to her family she would like to fulfill so finding a job first is of the utmost importance to her. i have no problems with that, and i will not stand in her way of obtaining that at all. I've gone as far as to give her the local job application sites and helped her fill out the information. I told her not to worry about a thing i will handle everything expenses etc. well yesterday i kind of was complaining about how my cell phone company decided to charge me an outrageous roaming charge during my last visit in a foreign country. That backfired on me and now she is talking about the idea of going to the other country again. I just don't want her to do that, I dont understand how she wants to be away from me when she has the opportunity to be with me. will it be rough starting our lives together yes. If this is what she wants I have no problem with it. but 1 year with out seeing the one I love! I don't know how she can even think that is OK with her. we are engaged planning on marrying upon her arrival. i just dont know. there has to be something going on in her life that she isnt telling me. or she is having regrets i don't know i just cant figure it out.

    #2
    You only have to post this once, no need to post it in more then one place. The forum is pretty quiet at the moment, when more people come online later you'll get some advice. Just be patient

    Comment


      #3
      have you spoken to her about your concerns? The only way to get answers is from communicating.

      sounds to me like she has a desire to travel and really see the world. I have a friend whos girlfriend is traveling around the world at the moment and has been gone for 4 months, she plans to be gone for a total of 6 months.. and when she finally comes home to him again all she wants to do is work up enough money to travel more - doesn't mean she doesn't love her boyfriend.. she just really has this desire and he doesn't, she isn't going to give up the opportunities just because he doesn't want to.. but they are maintaining their relationship through her travels as best they can.

      just talk to her, have a grown up conversation about your concerns and how your feeling and ask her for her feelings/concerns also.
      Met Online: February 2009
      Feelings grew: January 2011
      First met in person: 4 April - 16 April 2011
      Officially together since: 4th of April 2011
      Second visit: 29 June - 1 August 2011
      Third visit: 28 September - 15 October 2011
      Fourth visit: 19 January - 25 February 2012
      Fifth visit: 24 March - 12 April 2012
      Sixth visit: 2 June - 7 July 2012
      Engaged: 1st of July 2012
      Seventh visit: 27 August - 23 September
      Visa lodged: 5th of November 2012
      Eighth visit: 8 December 2012 - 12 January 2013
      Visa granted: 8th of May 2013
      Hawaii: 19 May - 2 June 2013
      Closed the distance: 16th of July 2013

      Married my Englishman on the 4th of October 2013

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Jazi View Post
        have you spoken to her about your concerns? The only way to get answers is from communicating.

        sounds to me like she has a desire to travel and really see the world. I have a friend whos girlfriend is traveling around the world at the moment and has been gone for 4 months, she plans to be gone for a total of 6 months.. and when she finally comes home to him again all she wants to do is work up enough money to travel more - doesn't mean she doesn't love her boyfriend.. she just really has this desire and he doesn't, she isn't going to give up the opportunities just because he doesn't want to.. but they are maintaining their relationship through her travels as best they can.

        just talk to her, have a grown up conversation about your concerns and how your feeling and ask her for her feelings/concerns also.
        im us military stationed in japan. i travel the world. i love it. i actually didnt live in america till i was older than 18.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by kgkleader View Post
          im us military stationed in japan. i travel the world. i love it. i actually didnt live in america till i was older than 18.
          yes, I did read that in your post.. I don't think you really got my point correctly.

          She seems to be excited about the idea of living in all kinds of different places and you seemed bothered by her having all these big ideas of living in different countries. I was giving you an example of a couple this reminded me of and suggesting you talk to your girlfriend too, I really think discussing it with her was the main point and it is very important to have a huge amount of open honest communication in any relationship - especially LDR because ending the distance is a huge issue to overcome that CD relationships don't have to deal with normally.
          Met Online: February 2009
          Feelings grew: January 2011
          First met in person: 4 April - 16 April 2011
          Officially together since: 4th of April 2011
          Second visit: 29 June - 1 August 2011
          Third visit: 28 September - 15 October 2011
          Fourth visit: 19 January - 25 February 2012
          Fifth visit: 24 March - 12 April 2012
          Sixth visit: 2 June - 7 July 2012
          Engaged: 1st of July 2012
          Seventh visit: 27 August - 23 September
          Visa lodged: 5th of November 2012
          Eighth visit: 8 December 2012 - 12 January 2013
          Visa granted: 8th of May 2013
          Hawaii: 19 May - 2 June 2013
          Closed the distance: 16th of July 2013

          Married my Englishman on the 4th of October 2013

          Comment

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