Hard Decisions....

[meganrey]

Been forever since I've been on here. I don't know if I'm seeking advice, kind words of encouragement, or just venting, but here's the deal... My SO and I haven't seriously talked about "closing the distance" but, in hoping that this works out the way we both would like it to, that is inevitable. Well, that's had me thinking, it would only make sense that I made the move - he's got the stable job and house while I virtually have nothing tying me down, except for one thing, my horse.

Sigh...this might seem trivial to some but, for me, my horse is my life, my passion and the only constant thing I've ever had. The issue is that the situation I'm currently in allows me the affordability to keep her. The reality is if/when I move, there's no way I'd be able to afford rent, bills AND her. This is the most anxiety ridden decision I have ever been (potentially) faced with.

I've thought about leasing her. She's been leased before, short-term, but it's so difficult to find people in my area where, if horses are your thing, you either already have one or know someone that allows you FREE access to one. Plus, she needs an advanced rider which narrows those possibilities a tad bit more. I just don't know what to do. I realize I may have to be faced with the decision to sell her and that is giving me such conflicted feelings! On the one hand, the devout animal lover in me says "Oh heelllll no! You promised to keep her forever!" but then this other voice chimes in and says "life is full of earth shattering and sometimes heartbreaking decisions." Ugh!! But I don't wanna!!!!!

If that is my only option, the only hope I cling to is that while I know my heart would break in her absence, the joy of actually being with the man I love might help ease that pain....maybe. One could only hope.

[Zephii]

I hear you, kinda.

I've always wanted a horse, but I'm from poor stock, so I'm waiting until I have a mid life crisis. That's beside the point.

I do have a cat though, my familiar haha a black cat named Messiah. I adopted him in early 2005, and he's been my world ever since. My Fur~st born
Obi and I are internationally nomadic, and I was due to move to Canada with him for a year in the begining of 2010, so I faced what you're going through. I couldn't bear to give him up, to say goodbye forever, but none of my family or friends would baby sit for a year... So I borrowed a lot of money, emptied what was left of my savings and did the paperwork, got him the vaccines, and plane ticket to Canada.

Taking him with me was the only option. But, when it came time to move back to Australia in late 2011, I had to figure it out all over again. The flight was horrible for him. No cat should do 14 hours in the cargo hold of a plane, and when I got him back he wouldn't speak to me. So I knew, even if I could afford to/ was willing to put him in Australian quarenteen for 3-6 months, that asking him to make the flight again was not really an option.

My inlaws are keeping him right now. I miss him every day, I miss him like crazy... but I know in 3-5 years when I go back to Canada he'll still be there waiting for me. And hopefully with visits, he'll remember who I am, and our love. I send him gifts and money for his vet bills... and rest knowing that I'm still fulfilling my responsibility to him as best I can. I didn't adopt him, and then try to get rid of him later when he's no-longer cute. (I guess this is a bonus with a horse at least. Older horses are still cool, unlike older cats!)

I know this is not at all helpful, but I thought I'd share so you felt less alone. Have you talked to your SO about it? Maybe he can come up with something you havn't yet thought of... or in the least his support will help. Good luck!

[kirbycat]

The only animal I've ever owned is a fish, so I can't say I've experienced this kind of dilemma, but I can imagine how hard it must be.

This is just a thought, and maybe it's an option you've already eliminated, but it's what came to my mind: Could you try to find someone in your SO's area that you could sell or lease your horse too? That way you could at least come around and visit her on occasion, at least for as long as you'd stay living in that area...

[lucybelle]

I adopted a dog here and I know I would be torn apart if I was forced to leave her here if/when we move back to the USA. But, you have to do what's best for the animal. If you can't take your horse with you, you need to sell her to someone who will care for and love her just as much as you did. It would be selfish of you to take her to an area where she wouldn't be as happy. Animals quickly become part of the family, and it hurts, but sometimes you have to leave them behind.

[BabyDimples]

I find the thought of leaving my dogs behind heartbreaking, but leaving a horse behind, I could never do it. I work with horses on weekends and all I've ever wanted is my own horse. I know that you've probably already looked, but here's a website that has a load of liverys on it. I haven't looked into it much, and I don't know if it is relevant or not because I live in England, but it might help? https://www.newhorse.com/page/horseboarding/b.510.g.13.html?page=1 At the moment, I would say don't give up. Keep on looking. Try to make it work. If you do have to sell her, then try to find someone that wouldn't mind you going back to visit sometimes to see her and to ride her, and would keep in touch with you? Maybe even send some pictures every now and then? Or try leasing her out for a year and see how you are getting on after that? You never know, you might be able to afford her after you have been there for a year.

Added onto that, I noticed that no one (I couldn't see anyone mention it anyway) has said anything about your SO moving to you? Could he not try and find a job there with you? Sell his house and move to you?

If your SO already has a job and is paying for the house on his own, then if you manage to get a stable job, shouldn't you still be able to afford her? What if you get the same paid job that (I am assuming) you have at the moment in Indiana? Or like I mentioned earlier, why don't you try leasing her out for a year, or even try leasing her out in Indiana when you move there? I know that some people do a shared lease with their horse. So that someone is paying to look after the horse for so many days a week. You could always try that?

I hope that you find some way of being able to take her with you when the time comes. But remember, as you don't know when you will be closing the distance, then you are in no hurry at the moment and don't really need to worry so much. Just enjoy your time with her and look for the best options that you have for keeping her

[meganrey]

I'm currently getting her uploaded on all kinds of sites I know of to get the word out for leasing. Ideally, I lease her out here and she can stay at a friends boarding stable. She wasn't treated to my standards the last time I leased and I've become very wary and protective of her since. Needless to say, leasing contract has been revised... OR, by some stoke of a miracle, I find someone to lease her in Indiana. But, it'll cost a hefty sum to get her there, though doable if it came to that.

No, I wouldn't be able to afford her immediately because I don't pay rent right now... And my budget just wouldn't allow it if I did. Basically, it comes down to rent or my pony. And while I know my SO would love to move here, the fact that it took him 13 months to get the job he has now...and is paid fairly well, it just wouldn't be logical. (though I must say, NC is SO much prettier than IN- no offense to any IN lovers...) lol

I know it'll work out. There's only one of 2 ways it could go. I'm no stranger to earth shattering, heart breaking decisions... But I'm still hopeful yet, and have some time for things to work themselves out. Its just the threat of selling her is gut wrenching.

[Sugar]

Please don't sell her ! I absolutely understand your problem, i had the same problem a few years ago. I ended up selling my horse because there was no way i could have taken him with me, even though i seriously considered packing my horse on a plane and have it come to Canada with me! But the vet said, a flight which takes that long (from germany) would have been desastrous for my horses health ( he was a nervous fellar by nature), so i decided to find him a good home. I did find one, but after all these years my decision from back then is still haunting me. I feel like i betrayed my best friend, left him behind in a place he didnt know and he didn't understand that i wasn't there anymore. I have never in my life felt so guilty for something as I do for my decision to leave him behind.