Second month, hello from the Other place ..... So difficult....

Hey all. I haven't written soon because I wanted to "try" myself how will I deal with everything for a while. I gotta say, oh my god, It's freaking harsh ......... I know what you all think, I am with my SO, She should be happy and not complaining and be sad .... and depressed.
It's not only the fact that I am alway from my family or friends. I am learning the language very fast by the way. I am getting along with his siblings very nicely. He is sweet and normal behaving, good, we had a few fights but they were caused by my pressure.

I am dealing with this situation very hard ( moving here). I love my SO. Really,truely want to be with him at any cost.
He lives in a city that I just ...... hate. It's dark, grey and gloomy. It's not green, It's all very old and dirty. It makes me feel depressed. People are not very kind, they look at me strange, his male friends either hit on me or make 5-year-old kind of jokes all the time. It's surprising me. We are not really going out with them, because HE doesn't want to. ( He had problems with them long time before) . I stay at the house almost all the time - basically I go out only with him after work ( which, may I laugh at myself, makes me feel like a dog going for a walk). I don't go out by myself because I don't speak the language good, the place is total mess and everything is freaking same to me, it's FULL of drunks during mid-day on streets (ok, maybe not full but there are quite the number) and .... maybe I should have started that I have never been a person who liked to be alone. For a walk. Or coffee. Only for a jogging - oh but guess what - there is no freaking place to go for a jog here......!!!! Nearest is like, either a big uninhabited forest, or city park ( which is 1 hour away with bus).

I was trying so hard to avoid this ......everything in my mind. I feel totally depressed. I share with him all the time how I feel, he is like my diary or something. I don't hide how I feel or what I don't like. I think it's important. I will stay here for another month and a half, and then head home for exams, which will take me 3 months. Then, I am supposed to be back here,forever.

I miss my jogging in the morning, I miss going to store without people looking at me like I stole something, I miss TALKING TO PEOPLE, HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! , being busy.

I do all the home stuff all day every day - cooking, cleaning, washing..... damn it's boring. It's not life for me.

Girls,I am so grey minded right now (like the city I am in) I don't know what to do.I want to live with him, and this is the option for us. He has a great job. I don't know if time will help me, and if I will ever get a job here (god please let me find something) , but I never though It will be so life-sucking.

I'm thorn between being with the one I love ( which I will do anything to be with) and helping myself feel better.
Thanks for listening to all this not nice things. I really needed to share.

P.s- Not all is bad. I am with him, and we are living just fine together.

[lucybelle]

You moved from what country to what country?

Right now it seems like you're doing way too much comparing. My country does it like this, this country is wrong, these people are bad, my friends are better... etc. That's completely normal but also hurting you and making you depressed. If you want to be happy you need to GET OUT. Quit making excuses about how you don't fit in or whatever. Take a language course that will make you get out of the house every day and help you with communicating. Find an expat group that you can meet up with and talk about the differences in the countries. And finally, something I think is really important, find something you like about your new location every single day. It might be small like a beautiful sunset or a really good coffee. Or it might be something more meaningful- great public transport or really cheap food. Focus on the positive, quit comparing the two locations and get out and learn about this new wonderful place where there is an adventure around every corner.

[Dziubka]

I agree with lucybelle, you need to get out.
You can dislike the place you live at, I'm not a big fan of my university city as well, but you can't hate it if you want to be happy there. You need to find something to like about it. And believe me... there always is!
The city you live in (if it's the city I think it is, the one you told me where your bf was from) is BEAUTIFUL! It has the biggest necropolis in Europe (the Jewish cemetary, which is really beautiful) and a super interesting 19th century industrial architecture. (Read "The Promised Land" / Ziemia obiecana)
Not to mention that there's one of Europe's best film schools.
Look for Erasmus or International Students Groups on facebook or put up announcements that you're looking for a tandem language partner (the University there has offers South Slavic Studies, so there are people learning your language).

If he can't come with you, take trips on your own. Explore the city and the country (trains are really cheap in PL), take photos of things you like and share them with your boyfriend (or people on facebook )

[Carenza LaRue]

it must be very hard for you from what I've read from your post..

but give it some time and perhaps the city will grow on you after a while. I agree with what has been said before me.
you have to take initiative to adjust to a new way of living.... looking back to the place you used live, doesn't help you much.

maybe you can find work as a volunteer? join an ex pat group?
the sooner you learn the language... the better in my opinion...

so get out of the house for at least one hour a day... get used to your new place by walking the streets around your house and expand that area day by day.
and most important.... try to make new friends as soon as you can because these new friends know how things work and how day to day life goes... they can help you fit in sooner.

and perhaps they know where you can jog or do some other activities... perhaps even activities which you didn't know of before...and you start to like.
build a life of your own, for the hours your SO is away.... he will worry less about you and in my opinion it's only more positive for the both of you.

in the mean time, post your worries here.... we are here for you..

best of luck!

[Zephii]

You are not alone.

I felt like this basically every other second while I lived with my SO in Canada (and Canada isn't even that bad, just bad FOR ME ). I don't have a solution for you I just wanted you to know you're not dumb, and you're not failing at CDR, and you're not ungrateful or any of that other stuff you might be worried about. It's ok. To take the pressure off your relationship you might try blogging out these feelings instead of dumping them on your SO, simply because the person that doesn't move often harbours a lot of guilt-like feelings and he will eventually get pretty defensive if you're always putting his country down.
I know for us, my SO visited my country before I lived in his and he complained the whole time he was here, so that when I got to his country I was already defensive... and I just couldnt see for the life of me what was so bloody good about his homeland. So, tackle the issues calmly, and see if there could be a possible move to another city sometime later (in a few years even.)

Goodluck, feel free to PM me if it gets too much.