How do you decide which partner should move when closing the distance ?

[lonelyinlove]

I'm moving to his state bc regardless of us being together or not, I NEVER wanted to live forever in my state Plus his state has much more opportunities for the future....

[Brieasaurus]

We decided that it would probably be best if I moved there since his whole family is there (the only family I have here is just my parents/brother/grandma), he has far more friends/connections to get jobs/housing deals/etc, and the fact that I don't really like it here. We've also thought about moving half way (well, to NC- half way and down a bit haha or PA) so that both of us has to make sacrifices. I think you should consider every thing everyone has said and even think about future stuff- school districts for any possible children, the community, if there's sidewalks and parks, you never know!

[SDPersona]

We are in the same position as you now and currently trying to decide who should move.

When boyfriend and me started out, we decided to just take it one day at a time and not worry about moving then, because I wasn't sure I want to move to his country and he wasn't sure either because he hasn't experienced my country yet.

Well, that's about to change. In four days, he's going to fly over to see me, my family and my country. And we both know that's when we plan to talk about it. I don't know what's going to happen, what we're going to decide and, frankly, it's scary but it has to be decided. No sense in prolonging a LDR when it's not going anywhere.
As far as I know, both of us are bored with each's home country and want to experience a different culture. I mean I remember saying as a kid that I wanted to get married to someone out of my country (I was in love with Italy at the time) and as a young adult I've dreamed of living in a different country and studying for a degree. Still do. He's had similiar dreams. My boyfriend actually said he wanted to come live with me for two or so years and then we'd both move back to his country, but that won't work out by the looks of it. He would have to leave a steady, well-paying job for quite a while and by the time we'd be back in his country, he may not get a job as fast. So, for us, someone has to sacrifice a lot and come live with the other. Could be me, could be him. I've also brought up the thought that we both could move to country different to us, like Australia. You see, we haven't quite decided who would move.

[princessmeg1328]

This was actually a decision we made quite early in our relationship because to us there was no point being in a relationship that didn't have an end goal in mind. If neither one of us were willing to move, there was no point in us continuing our relationship. At the time, I was still in uni and didn't (still don't) have any significant ties to the US. I don't have a job. I don't have a house. The only thing here for me is my family. Although we're super close, my fiance and I decided it would be better for me to move there because he has a job, is in the process of buying a house, and is better off financially. Also the fact that I have a degree and he doesn't played a major role. I graduated as a teacher and can go pretty much anywhere. It would be a lot harder for him to find a job here without a degree. It's what works out the best for us. Plus, I always wanted to live in England permanently. He's like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae.

[Sanney4709]

I too am very close to my family even though I don't always agree with their choices or lifestyle they are always there for me and love me unconditionally. However my boyfriend doesn't have much family he is close to. His parents are about all he has. Not only that but he is graduating from community college in a year and I am going into my sophomore year at a university. We entertained the idea that I might move there and transfer schools my junior year. But when it came down to it I had more to lose moving there and he says he has no problem moving to Florida to be with me. We could always move back to Missouri when I finish school.

Your case is a bit more complicated because you live in different countries. I feel that in your case you should weigh you options and decide who has more to lose if they move. From what I gathered he doesn't speak German and learning a new language can be difficult and would take time. This could also hinder his ability to find a job in Germany. Yet you are close to your family and don't want to leave them which I can completely understand. However career wise I think it would be easier for you to find a job in America. You could always fly home to visit when expenses allow it. I do not believe him being in the military should be an excuse for him to not want to move after he is done with the military.

As others have said there is always the option of moving back and forth every few years or so. But what it comes down to is that its something you and your SO need to discuss and decide who has more to lose. I wish you the best of luck I know its not easy.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Well, originally the plan was for me to visit there, see if I liked the place, then move to him if I did. Now, it's really undetermined and he is talking about moving here instead. I really don't care to move though because I want out of this town, and possibly even this state. He seems rather willing to move as well. I have entertained the idea of us both saving money and moving somewhere completely different, away from both places, but that could take us quite a while. Either way, the next couple weeks will probably determine how this goes for us, since I am supposed to be visiting him soon and he is contemplating coming back with me to either stay for a while or live here until he can gain the stability to move elsewhere.

Also, about the military. Have you talked to him about getting stationed in Germany? The US military has a base there (at least one, maybe more, I don't know much about it). I had a friend stationed there and I know of a few other people who have been stationed there as well. It really could be an option if he's willing to try it and has the ability to put in a request to do so.

[alittlemind]

Although we are only just beginning our long distance relationship, it's clear that I am moving to the US, rather than him moving to Canada. I don't think we ever really even discussed it, we just knew that was how it was going to be. Mostly because the reason he is living in the US now is because it is better for his future. Plus I fell in love with Arkansas within hours of being there. I think couples usually make this decision by investigating which place has the better opportunities. And although I love Canada, and all my family is here, I think the states would give us both a better future, and that's what's important. Sure, it'll be hard being away from family, but these days there are so many different ways of technology to communicate.

[Ciana]

I am really lucky.

While me and my SO have only been together for not too long, we already talked about a bunch of future thigs. He has technicly proposed, twice even! But i have many more connections with my state than he does his. I never met my dad until December '10 as well as my best friend is here and my mom. I couldn't have the heart to leave any of them.*
But he was already making plans to get settled at a military base 57 miles from my house. He has to live on base for a year due to regulations, but after then we will be getting our own place together (:*

He seems to have no issues with leaving Indiana, but at the same time, he is in the Air Force. We will be able to fly anywhere there is a Military Base. So visiting his family won't even be an issue.

But he made the plans to come live here with me before any talk of where we would live ever came up. He is such an angel and knows me so well- I would never have the heart to leave everyone. But god I look forward to waking up every morning in his arms.