The Ifs & Buts

[leonina]

After two years of long distance, it is now boiling down to what I want to do next. I'm scared of leaving and I'm scared of staying. It is so hard to give up a great well paying job you could make a career out of and start over in a new place, with new people, and the unsureness of whether you'll be okay.

Lately there's so many Ifs and I haven't even started interviewing yet. The possibility of a promotion is on the horizon at my job, and with it means a huge pay increase. But will the money be worth it?

Are there others that were faced with the same decision? This is my first job out of college and I've only been there 18 months. I'm scared to leave it and start over, especially when the economy is still not back on its feet. Too many ifs and buts in my life.

[Haley53]

What are his reasons for not being able to move to you? Are there issues with prolonging the distance with the possibility of a promotion and building a stronger resume for when you finally do end up applying around where your SO lives, or with having more in savings so that you feel more stable/secure when making the move? Naturally, there are going to be plenty of ifs, ands, or buts when making this type of monumental decision. I'm deferring graduate school for a year and taking a year off to go live with my SO and work in his country, and it's a terrifying prospect, especially when I likely won't find work related to my degree. However, it's a decision I was able to make because the cons didn't outweigh the pros. Perhaps you could consider making a list of the pros and cons of you moving to him, right now? And see where that leads? While I think it's natural to feel some reservation and certainly normal to feel very real fear, I also think sometimes those gut hesitations are worth looking into.

[leonina]

Thanks for the response!

He is in medical school for another three years and it's near impossible for him to transfer to me. The pros and cons list is definitely going to come up, especially if this promotion does happen. I've been preparing for this for the past two years, but now that it's come down to contacting a head hunter and going on interviews I am realizing that it is so scary to go back out into the job market. I definitely won't move without a job prospect lined up, but I have an intense fear of something going wrong and being in a city and eating through all my savings!