Hey Guys!
I was wondering if anybody could offer any advice or input on my situation. But before I get started, Im new to this whole posting thing- can anybody tell me what an ´SO´ is? Is it significant other? I hope so lol..
Ok so heres the situation I have:
I met my boyfriend back in 2010, when I came over to Mexico for 6 months for work (Im originally from New Zealand). Everything was perfect, I truly thought I had met the one for me, we never fought, had sex ALL the time, and were even living together after 3 months.
At the end of my trip, we didnt want to break up, so we agreed that he would save up the money to come to New Zealand, and estimated that he would arrive by January (I left in September).
However, because he both lived and worked in a hotel, he had limited access to his cellphone, and texting and calling was almost impossible due to the sky high call costs; we emailed etc, but still did not have much contact.
January rolled around, and he advised he still did not have enough money, and that by May he would have saved enough to come.
However in April something awful happened, him mum died.. and he ended up using all the savings to travel across the country and pay for his mums funeral. I thought about jumping on the next plane to go and support him, but my parents convinced me that he would want to be left alone to deal with it by himself. By June, I decided it was time to go visit, and went to see him for 2 weeks. I knew something was off, but I told myself it was because of his mum. We talked about our relationship as the contact had been getting less and less frequent, and he agreed he would come to visit in November, and that he did really want to be with me and would make much more of an effort with the contact.
We stayed in regualar contact this time, skyping every day off we had, and in October I got sick of waiting, was offered another job opportunity and Mexico, and decided it was time to come back and end the distance and be with him.
However when I got there, it was not the same, and as I had been having nightmares, I thought he had been cheating on me. He assured me nothing had happened and he had been totally loyal, however I still had a bad feeling about it.
Fast forward to May again, and I get a message from a stranger on facebook, who advised my boyfriend had cheated on me, and with who. I emailed the girl directly and she admitted it, saying they had had an affair for 5 months! I asked my boyfriend again who denied, then finally admitted later that he had cheated but it was only a one night thing. after desperately wanting to know the truth I did a ´set-up´ telling him my mum wanted to talk to him in skype.. but actually it would be the girl. After getting put on the spot with both of us in front of him, he finally came clean saying that it had actually been a 2 month affair, and she was just exaggerating to try and hurt me. It started right after his mum died from April through May, and then the girl moved away in May to a different state, and claimed one of the reasons she left was because she realised that he was not going to dump me for her.
Right after I found out, we stopped talking- he didnt even call me or anything. Eventually I called him and he said he was sorry- but he didnt do any crazy grand gesture.. he just said sorry, and asked to take me out for dinner.
He said the reason it happened, was because he was feeling really lonely, low after his mum died, she was the only person in his circle that showed him any support, he was horny after not having sex with me for 6 months, she kept telling him how much she missed him and wanted to ´be´ with him, he didnt know when I was coming back ..and he tried to resist but in the end thought that I would never find out so just went for it.
After the truth came out we didnt talk for a while, but kept in contact and kept seeing each other, but it was horrible, alot of tears and fighting and I even slapped him once. He could definately see the pain he had caused.
But I want to know.. is it worth trying to revive this relationship?? We finally closed the distance and are both here now in Mexico with good jobs.. as it stands now he does treat me well, texts me everyday, makes plans with me, regualrly takes me out for dinner, always tells me how beautiful I am, gives me massages, even my birthday is coming up and he is trying to plan an elaborate vacation for us.. and he swears after seeing the pain he caused he never wants to go through that again..
But I still cant seem to forget about it, it just makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it, the cheating hurts, the lies hurt, I know in the back of my heart that he will probably never save enough to come to New Zealand (because $2500 is like 30,000 pesos for him!) meaning if we wanted to be together I would basically have to stay in Mexico the rest of my life.
Also, how can I be sure that he wont do it again?? I am planning to go to Los Angeles for 2 months in November and am worried something will happen, I know it will be 2 months apart not 6 but it still makes me worried that if he thought I would ´never find out´ he would do something..
Also, I am a white girl with blond hair,.. he was always so proud of having a ´foreign´ girlfriend, but the girl he cheated on me with was a dark skinned black haired mexican girl.. does this mean anything?? He also has never known his father, and used to tell me that he could never go with a Mexican girl because she might ´be his sister´ haha.
It has also affected our sex life, we used to have sex all the time but now that I know about them, when we have sex I find myself wondering if he touched her like that, said the same things to her.. what kind of stuff they did.. whether he had any feelings for her.. and for example if he occasionally does not want sex or is not ´in the mood´ I will often take it personally thinking I am not attractive enough.. and I also forgot to mention that these guys were dating right before he met me.. they had only just started dating (only had sex a couple times) and then I showed up on the scene and basically stole him from her. Him and the girl both worked AND lived in the same hotel, before and after I was there. (I also lived in that same hotel for 6 months while I was there too).
Also now, he is still living/working in the hotel. He works as an animator, and I dont know if any of you have been to all-inclusives in Mexico, but hes basically surrounded by ladies in bikinis, as well as cute workers. I have told him that if he wants a future with me, he has to consider job options with not so many ´opportunities´ and he has said that he needs to save some more money first, but promises to leave soon. While I was working there in the hotel he was always very professional and never came onto any guests, but I guess after knowing about his cheating his line of work does suddenly make me a little paranoid.
Also, how do I know he didnt do anything the 2nd time I was in NZ?? (June thorugh October) He said he absolutely didnt as he felt too guilty about the girl.
I also feel like it was kind of my fault, after all I was the one that left HIM and went back to NZ, and I didnt HAVE to go, I only left because my contract was coming to and end but I could have easily stayed and found another job- I was doing a correspondance course in NZ which could have easily been done from Mexico.. and I wasnt even there for him when his mum died.
Sorry to write such a novel, im sure this is like the longest post in the history of posts but I really need some guidance on this, I would love to know advice, opinions, feedback, or if anybody has had a similar experience, and what would be the wise thing to do. How do I get her out of my head and move on? Needless to say my heart is crushed. I thought I had found the love of my life, I was a huge supporter of long distance relationships, and now my faith is gone, and yes, for the entire 8 months we were apart before june, I never even kissed another man.
Thanks so much guys, I hope there is at least somebody out there who has something to say about this xx
I was wondering if anybody could offer any advice or input on my situation. But before I get started, Im new to this whole posting thing- can anybody tell me what an ´SO´ is? Is it significant other? I hope so lol..
Ok so heres the situation I have:
I met my boyfriend back in 2010, when I came over to Mexico for 6 months for work (Im originally from New Zealand). Everything was perfect, I truly thought I had met the one for me, we never fought, had sex ALL the time, and were even living together after 3 months.
At the end of my trip, we didnt want to break up, so we agreed that he would save up the money to come to New Zealand, and estimated that he would arrive by January (I left in September).
However, because he both lived and worked in a hotel, he had limited access to his cellphone, and texting and calling was almost impossible due to the sky high call costs; we emailed etc, but still did not have much contact.
January rolled around, and he advised he still did not have enough money, and that by May he would have saved enough to come.
However in April something awful happened, him mum died.. and he ended up using all the savings to travel across the country and pay for his mums funeral. I thought about jumping on the next plane to go and support him, but my parents convinced me that he would want to be left alone to deal with it by himself. By June, I decided it was time to go visit, and went to see him for 2 weeks. I knew something was off, but I told myself it was because of his mum. We talked about our relationship as the contact had been getting less and less frequent, and he agreed he would come to visit in November, and that he did really want to be with me and would make much more of an effort with the contact.
We stayed in regualar contact this time, skyping every day off we had, and in October I got sick of waiting, was offered another job opportunity and Mexico, and decided it was time to come back and end the distance and be with him.
However when I got there, it was not the same, and as I had been having nightmares, I thought he had been cheating on me. He assured me nothing had happened and he had been totally loyal, however I still had a bad feeling about it.
Fast forward to May again, and I get a message from a stranger on facebook, who advised my boyfriend had cheated on me, and with who. I emailed the girl directly and she admitted it, saying they had had an affair for 5 months! I asked my boyfriend again who denied, then finally admitted later that he had cheated but it was only a one night thing. after desperately wanting to know the truth I did a ´set-up´ telling him my mum wanted to talk to him in skype.. but actually it would be the girl. After getting put on the spot with both of us in front of him, he finally came clean saying that it had actually been a 2 month affair, and she was just exaggerating to try and hurt me. It started right after his mum died from April through May, and then the girl moved away in May to a different state, and claimed one of the reasons she left was because she realised that he was not going to dump me for her.
Right after I found out, we stopped talking- he didnt even call me or anything. Eventually I called him and he said he was sorry- but he didnt do any crazy grand gesture.. he just said sorry, and asked to take me out for dinner.
He said the reason it happened, was because he was feeling really lonely, low after his mum died, she was the only person in his circle that showed him any support, he was horny after not having sex with me for 6 months, she kept telling him how much she missed him and wanted to ´be´ with him, he didnt know when I was coming back ..and he tried to resist but in the end thought that I would never find out so just went for it.
After the truth came out we didnt talk for a while, but kept in contact and kept seeing each other, but it was horrible, alot of tears and fighting and I even slapped him once. He could definately see the pain he had caused.
But I want to know.. is it worth trying to revive this relationship?? We finally closed the distance and are both here now in Mexico with good jobs.. as it stands now he does treat me well, texts me everyday, makes plans with me, regualrly takes me out for dinner, always tells me how beautiful I am, gives me massages, even my birthday is coming up and he is trying to plan an elaborate vacation for us.. and he swears after seeing the pain he caused he never wants to go through that again..
But I still cant seem to forget about it, it just makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it, the cheating hurts, the lies hurt, I know in the back of my heart that he will probably never save enough to come to New Zealand (because $2500 is like 30,000 pesos for him!) meaning if we wanted to be together I would basically have to stay in Mexico the rest of my life.
Also, how can I be sure that he wont do it again?? I am planning to go to Los Angeles for 2 months in November and am worried something will happen, I know it will be 2 months apart not 6 but it still makes me worried that if he thought I would ´never find out´ he would do something..
Also, I am a white girl with blond hair,.. he was always so proud of having a ´foreign´ girlfriend, but the girl he cheated on me with was a dark skinned black haired mexican girl.. does this mean anything?? He also has never known his father, and used to tell me that he could never go with a Mexican girl because she might ´be his sister´ haha.
It has also affected our sex life, we used to have sex all the time but now that I know about them, when we have sex I find myself wondering if he touched her like that, said the same things to her.. what kind of stuff they did.. whether he had any feelings for her.. and for example if he occasionally does not want sex or is not ´in the mood´ I will often take it personally thinking I am not attractive enough.. and I also forgot to mention that these guys were dating right before he met me.. they had only just started dating (only had sex a couple times) and then I showed up on the scene and basically stole him from her. Him and the girl both worked AND lived in the same hotel, before and after I was there. (I also lived in that same hotel for 6 months while I was there too).
Also now, he is still living/working in the hotel. He works as an animator, and I dont know if any of you have been to all-inclusives in Mexico, but hes basically surrounded by ladies in bikinis, as well as cute workers. I have told him that if he wants a future with me, he has to consider job options with not so many ´opportunities´ and he has said that he needs to save some more money first, but promises to leave soon. While I was working there in the hotel he was always very professional and never came onto any guests, but I guess after knowing about his cheating his line of work does suddenly make me a little paranoid.
Also, how do I know he didnt do anything the 2nd time I was in NZ?? (June thorugh October) He said he absolutely didnt as he felt too guilty about the girl.
I also feel like it was kind of my fault, after all I was the one that left HIM and went back to NZ, and I didnt HAVE to go, I only left because my contract was coming to and end but I could have easily stayed and found another job- I was doing a correspondance course in NZ which could have easily been done from Mexico.. and I wasnt even there for him when his mum died.
Sorry to write such a novel, im sure this is like the longest post in the history of posts but I really need some guidance on this, I would love to know advice, opinions, feedback, or if anybody has had a similar experience, and what would be the wise thing to do. How do I get her out of my head and move on? Needless to say my heart is crushed. I thought I had found the love of my life, I was a huge supporter of long distance relationships, and now my faith is gone, and yes, for the entire 8 months we were apart before june, I never even kissed another man.
Thanks so much guys, I hope there is at least somebody out there who has something to say about this xx
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