Leaving my life to close the distance......

[iHeartt]

Hi. I feel like I desperately need someone to talk to who can understand what we're (mainly I am) going through. We have decided to close our distance. I will be the one moving in with him. I feel like I'm leaving my life and beginning a new one with a wonderful man. I'm already nervous about him and I of course. Going from LDR to CD is a huge step and I'm thinking its normal to be nervous. However, it seems my friends and family are not so happy. They are happy for me, but when I talk about moving, or the job that I busted my tail to find, they quickly change the subject. My best friend doesn't even want to hear anything about him anymore (and I don't talk about him/us that much!). Doesn't care about how nervous I am, doesn't care that I've finally found a job. Literally doesn't want me to talk about it at all. My parents are sad that I'm leaving town of course, but I think they truly are happy for me. At least I can talk a little about my situation with them. But they just don't understand how stressful all this is for me. Its sad for me too, why can't they see that? But I have to make myself happy. I can't go on making everyone else in my life happy. I have to do this for me. I've finally found a wonderful man who I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with and I'd love to be able to share my journey and story with my friends and family, but they don't want to hear it. I'll only be 400-500 miles away, a 5 hour car ride. Why can't the people who mean the most to me be happy for me/us? We are in our 30's so I've lived on my own for a while. Its not like I'm just now leaving my parents house.

So, my question is to the one who moved to be closer to their SO, how did your friends and family take the news that you're moving away? How did you deal with the negative (if any) comments, or attitudes?

[Zephii]

I know this isn't answering your specific question, so please excuse that.
I notice in your post that you feel like you're giving up your old life for a new one. Honestly, if I had a mate about to move away who felt like that about it, I probably wouldn't be supportive either... why? Because you make it sound like you're leaving, you're cutting ties and you're never going back.

Obviously, if they think they are only going to be a part of your past, why are they going to care about your future? People are selfish, generally.
So it might just be that you need to take a look at how you're presenting this situation to them. If you intend to still be part of their lives, make sure you make an effort for them to know that!

[snow_girl]

I second what Zephii said. I never had anyone unsupportive of my when I moved across the ocean to be with my SO. I never considered it leaving my old life for a new one, just a change of scenery. I write to a couple friends and skype with my family all the time so while I might not be there physically, we haven't lost any connections since I've been gone.

[iHeartt]

Yall are right, my fault for poor choice of words. I KNOW I will be coming back and I tell my friends and family that often. I guess what I meant was I was leaving everything I am comfortable with for new "change of scenery" (I like that!).
I tell them that I'm only a phone call or text away. I tell them that its easy to Skype (well, I'll have to show mom!).
So, with all that said, again, my poor choice of words, how did your friends and family handle it? Were they a little angry (or sad that you were leaving) at first? And how long did it take them to accept that you were moving and happy with your decision. I am incredibly happy with my decision. And I feel horrible that they aren't as supportive as I thought they would be. But, if I look at it from their point of view, I would be sad that I was leaving, but still supportive. Make sense?

[hevpie]

Hey!
I am looking to close the distance next year by moving to America from England.
I don't have any friends close by since I moved back to my parents so I have to keep in contact with them online anyways. My parents are not particulally happy, they dont see why he can't move here instead. The long term plan is for us to move back to England after he finishes college but I want to be with him there till he does.

There are so few oppertunities in life where we can be truely happen and even less to find someone special to be happy with. One life, spread your wings and fly! The net is an awesomething, plenty of ways to be able to talk everyday. I am sorry you don't feel your getting the support you need. I understand your friends are going to miss you but by giving you the cold shoulder when you most need support is hardly going to help.
On a possitive you have plenty of people on here who will listen and support you

Hev x

[Sharon Q]

I just made a thread on the same type of thing. I feel the same way, My family feels they wont see me again. I'm sad that I'll only get to see my family on holidays. But I know it'll be worth it to be with the one I love, sides my family can visit me as well. and there is always the phone and skype.

[iHeartt]

I saw that! I'm sure there are quite a few people that are having these same issues. After being here, and listening to others, I'm not thinking of it as "leaving my life" now. Its more of and adventure or change of scenery!! HUGE change and adventure, but I like those types of things. Like I posted in your thread, my friends are having a harder time than my family. I know deep down they are happy for me. But for now, they just change the subject when I even slightly mention anything about my move, my man, or my job there.

[Verojoon]

I am not in that situation (oh how I wish I was closing the distance) but I can maybe help a little with the perspective of your friend... My best friend is moving to Seattle in 2 days... She is moving for a business opportunity for her husband...

I hope I didn't come across like your friend is coming across, but it has been hard for me to remain supportive when I wish so badly she would stay... I hope I didn't change the subject when she talked about the move... but I'm not 100% sure I was successful... Because I worked very hard at not being negative or feeling sorry for me that she was leaving, and as a result I may have avoided the topic all together!! Now I feel I need to send her a message to ask if I was unsupportive!!

[iHeartt]

I'm sure that my friends (2 BFF's) are happy for me. But at the same time I know they both want me to stay badly. We all work together, we all hang out together for holidays and weekends (usually its just me with them and their hubbys), and it IS a huge change because we're together alot. I've tried putting myself in their shoes. If one of them left, I would be sad because I would miss them, but at the same time, I'd be happy that they were making a move for their happiness. I'm not a stranger to LDR's so it doesn't bother me as much. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few months. Right now its just frustrating.

[porcelanne]

Okay iHeartt I can completely sympathise with you on this one -not on the unsupportiveness of those close to you, but the giving up one life to move and start another part -I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Recently (uh 57 days ago the counter on my blog tells me!) I moved 300 miles north west, off the mainland to an island to live with my boyfriend. We closed the distance in part. However... he works away for a month at a time at sea, so we still have an LDR. So I get him home a month, then he's away a month. Unfortunately currently he's away for almost 3 months but that's a one off. Thankfully!!!! Yeeshk! But yeah so the point is I cancelled all my bills, had my landlady find someone else to rent my apartment, gave notice at my job, had a leaving night out with all my friends, packed up all my stuff into his car and moved far away. I already lived 3 hours drive from my family, now I live even further. I now have a different set of people I see every day, I don't currently work... I have a great life but it's different and a change of pace... it is an adjustment.

So I can totally see what you're anticipating!! I went through months of that before I moved. I dealt with all the planning and organising flawlessly, but the reality of the move didn't really hit me all that much until it was on top of me. I don't regret it one inch though.

My friends and family took the news incredibly well. It-was-so-weird. His family and mine were very supportive and still are. Considering we have only been together a few months (I think it was around 3 or just over that when I moved! but to us it felt like 3 years). Those close to us, friends and family never questioned it. The only ones who were ever negative or reserved we both found were those who didn't know us well. Like my boss, or colleagues of us both. They were the only ones asking, "Don't you think it is too fast?" It never bothered us, and I explained it to my SO -it's only because they don't know him well, me well or us together well.

Something tells me this might be the same in your case??

[iHeartt]

In a way, yes. I've known him less than a year. My friends and family know I'm not one to rush into something without covering ALL my bases. And, I'm not just dropping everything and moving. Like you, this is months of planning and organizing and I have a job all lined up. I'm thinking I'll be just like you when it won't really hit me till December/January when I cut back on my work hours to almost nothing (to be able to spend time with more friends and family) and begin packing up my place. I'm ready for it though. And I'm super excited. Most of my friends and family are excited for me, but I have one friend who is taking it super hard. Its frustrating.

[porcelanne]

I had a best friend who found it hard too. He didn't like that I was leaving and I could tell he wasn't always fully joking when he said "don't go". But he is supportive now. We talk all the time by txt and phone now, and are as close as ever. Don't worry your friend'll come round.

[iHeartt]

I hope you're right. Only time will tell I guess.

[Zephii]

Yall are right, my fault for poor choice of words. I KNOW I will be coming back and I tell my friends and family that often. I guess what I meant was I was leaving everything I am comfortable with for new "change of scenery" (I like that!).
I tell them that I'm only a phone call or text away. I tell them that its easy to Skype (well, I'll have to show mom!).
So, with all that said, again, my poor choice of words, how did your friends and family handle it? Were they a little angry (or sad that you were leaving) at first? And how long did it take them to accept that you were moving and happy with your decision. I am incredibly happy with my decision. And I feel horrible that they aren't as supportive as I thought they would be. But, if I look at it from their point of view, I would be sad that I was leaving, but still supportive. Make sense?

Sorry it took me so long to come back to this thread, I'm a slacker.

I had varied reactions. One of my friends cut contact with me completely before I even left and treated both Obi and I terribly - even though it wasn't a permanent move (It was supposed to be a year, but ended up being a year and nine months).
Most of my family were a bit sad, but everyone was more or less supportive. They took it badly after I left, rather than during the planning stage.
I have a couple of family members who resented me for a long time even after I came back to Australia (I've been back a year), and I know my sister still has issues with the fact I will leave again, but they don't mess with our day-to-day interactions with each other.

On the other side of the ocean... Obi's family were mostly full of guilt trips and badly worded "jokes" when it came time for us to move back to Australia. His sister tried to make him promise he wouldn't have kids offshore (good thing he didn't promise that! ). His grandparents on one side put pressure on me just to stay in Canada forever because I "have nothing/no one to go home to". His mates were supportive, but afraid - he's the second in his group of friends to marry an Aussie girl and move to Australia, and they were worried he wouldn't keep in touch.
But no one ever directly opposed us.

We've come to realise that no matter where we are, one side will always be unhappy. There will always be someone missing us. There will probably always be guilt trips. It never really "got better" for us. But people can think what they want, because we're already doing our best.

[iHeartt]

We've come to realise that no matter where we are, one side will always be unhappy. There will always be someone missing us. There will probably always be guilt trips. It never really "got better" for us. But people can think what they want, because we're already doing our best.

This is so true. Someone will always be missing one of us. His family is supportive and has welcomed me better than I could have ever hoped for. Family and friends of mine here who have met him are very supportive as well and have welcomed him "into the family" even though we're not getting married any time soon! They actually feel better and have had a more positive outlook since they have met him. Except for the one. She still changes the subject when I mention him, my new job, or my move. And unfortunately, shes one of the most important friends in my life. I'm hoping as time moves on and it gets closer to my actual move date, she'll come around. I know she will miss me and I'll miss her, and I tell her all the time that we will still talk and that I'll be back for many visits!!