Issues with closing distant

[bakingirl10]

My boyfriends name is Mike, he has a daughter who is 3 years old.. Weve been talking about when to possibly move together and if i should move there or visversa.

Hes afraid that his daughter will miss her grandma who is the "mom" figure since her mom isnt in her life, plus he'd have to go throu the courts to get permission to take her out of the state since her mom has visits still but havent attempted to see her in a while.

On the other hand, i have a lot of hard work going for me here in Pittsburgh, and for me to go home id need $7,000+ in order to even survive to move back to NY to be with them and i live pay to pay right now.

I have to make sure I can keep my lease for my car, and the insurance, but im worried if i move home i wont find a job right away esp one that I can keep up with my bills.

What should be done? What questions do we need to ask our selfs and others?

[Moon]

First and foremost, slow down, you've only been together like two months. You're getting yourself too stressed over a very new relationship, give it some time to see where it goes, and what opportunities present themselves. His daughter will always have to come first, her needs have to come before yours, so you really could be looking at NY in the future, but you never know. I think I'd be more concerned if I was really ready to be a step-mother, or not. Good luck.

[Tooki]

In regards to your question, work on getting your debts taken care of first. It would be optimal to move to NY without a debt to your name, so you haven't got any pressure to get work done by X date.

[princessmeg1328]

I have to agree with Moon. You've been in your relationship for only two months. Slow down. Moving in together should not be the main topic of conversation. Get to know each other better and whether or not it's worth being long distance right now. It's hard not to want to look to the future, but right now should be about the present. Give it a little bit more time before you try to set concrete plans about what's going to go on a year or two from now. It's ok to not have to worry about moving right now. Although, I would definitely talk to your SO about what your role in his daughter's life is and will be. It can be hard to know when you can act like her mother and when it's something he needs to handle.

[NikkiDeAnn75]

Take the time to get to know one another better before you decide to move in together. I know that probably isn't what you were wanting to hear, but the relationship is still relatively new and you both have big decisions to make. You can spend this time getting to know one another and taking care of your bills. It is hard to be patient, believe me I know. I'm in a similar predicament as you are. I have to get my bills under control before I can move to my SO, and we have other things that need to be discussed thoroughly before then. I have children and so does he. These aren't things that can be rushed. Take it one day at a time.