did i make a bad decision?

[punkpain]

at first i thought kyle and i were bickering all the time because of stress from moving... well its been a month now since we left WA and not much has changed. if anything im leaning toward the conclusion i effed myself over and am now stuck in a state that i dont know or like very much. i hate this feeling... but hate even more that my feelings are constantly being stomped on. its like we are in a rut of constant griping at each other and i really dont know what to do about it. ive tried talking about it but we both just get more pissed and storm off in different directions more often than not. when we can talk i feel like nothing is accomplished. right now im pretty freaked out... we both have similar tempers but i think i got to witness him fully exploding a few days back... he ended up breaking a bunch of stuff and throwing a box knife into a wall.

im afraid... afraid i moved for nothing, afraid im going to be stuck, afraid we wont be able to move past all of this crap. this is the longest amount of time we have ever spent together. maybe the short two week visits were tolerable compared to living together. i dont know... im just worried and confussed and feel like everything is out of my hands.

[Tanja]

I'm sorry to hear that. it always takes 2 people to fight and if you're both very easily tempered then that can cause problems... Try to stay calm when you feel like there's a fight getting started, ask him not to shout and try not to do it yourself either. Suggest that you talk about the issue rather than throw things and let your anger take control over everything. Let him rant about you if he needs to and don't get mad if he does, it's just a way to let the steam out sometimes.

He must know you love him and he loves you too, maybe this is just adjusting complications for both of you. A month is not a very long time compared to the rest of your lives so don't give up hope yet. If neither of you can't find a way to handle the situation other than fighting then maybe you should try some counseling? A neutral 3rd party would calm you both down and maybe see things in a different light, it might give you some perspective on things.

It's obvious you can't go on like that for much longer or you'll end up hating each other in the long run.
I hope you can sort out your issues and live happily ever after like you planned to when you made the big move!

[Zephii]

*Big hugs*
I don't know the full situation, but have hope. I felt this way when I moved to Canada to be with Obi. There was quite a bit of resentment and settling in issues. Perhaps you just need to give it more time? Feeling trapped in a place you don't like can amke everything seem so much worse. But I'm sure if you really truly wanted to get away you could. Perhaps thinking of exactly how you would, who you'd call for help ect will reassure you that there are always options and that you are doing this because you want to, not because you have no choice. worked for me anyway
Sometimes keeping a list helps. When he does something nice for you, write it down and date it. It's much easier to remember and hold onto bad things in the short term than good things.
Peace, Love and Carrots xx

[Kirschlein]

You didn't make the wrong decision at all - it's actually normal to fight and argue when you live together, especially when you were divided for a long time before. I guess you both are just not used to it yet and need to work together as a team, to overcome this too. Talk with your SO about it, show him that you love him, but don't give up yet. If you two really love each other, then it will work out! But one thing is for sure: it shouldn't go on like that - i wish you the best to come out.

[punkpain]

Thanks guys, I really needed some positive input. We did finally talk and things feel alot better. I have been being a control freak and he has been letting things eat at him that he normally wouldnt. We both agreed we need to be more observant of each others feelings. I dont think either of us realized how far at arms length we were keeping each other. I feel close again after our talk. So thanks again for helping us out. This transition is so tough but you guys are right, we do love each other. He completely melted me when he told me we better get over this stuff because im stuck with him for at least another 40-50 years. He clearly isnt giving up and I dont want to either.

Zephii, I absolutely love your idea about writing positive things down. I think I will try that one out for sure if we get into another rut.

[Mio]

It usually takes some time to get used to be with this person 24/7 now. There is always an adjusting period, with a lot of fights and resentment, but it will go better with time. Hugs!

[Sarah M]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope it will all smooth out over time when you get used to sharing space all the time. It's a big change. Such a shame... Good luck.

[paulawriteslove]

I hope everything works out for you! I like the idea of writing positive things down, I think that will help a lot But I know that fighting is normal when you just move in with someone. You have to get used to living with each other and dealing with each other's habits. Good luck!

[MTK]

As people has stated before me, fighting is normal when you have moved in with someone. You have to figure out each others boundries with all kinds of stuff and are now spending a significant amount of timne together so it is something that you both wil have to adjust to.
Maybe, making a datenight, where you can try and reconnect would be an idea and the whole thing about writing down positive things sounds like a splendid idea.