Who should be the one to fly?

[Polychromize]

I'm the female, the younger of the two of us, the one with more money and a passport, as well as the one who really wants to meet.
But for security reasons do you think he should be the one to fly here?

I would be willing to let him stay here (with myself and roomate) and he would just have to pay for his own outings since he is going thru some stuff and his flight.

Flights are cheaper from US to Canada than Canada to US. I have given him loads of gifts without expecting anything in return because he's is going thru a lot of stuff..

[ThePiedPiper]

I flew out to meet my ex first and flew out to meet one of my female friends I'd only spoken with online and over the phone. The first few times I met someone from online, however, they came to me and I met them with my mother. If you want him to come out to meet you, you could always offer to pay or to go dutch, but I would say so long as you meet in a public place (maybe hang out with him first? Get a hotel for the first night or two?), you should be fine.

[Hollandia]

We were friends first and I wanted to meet in person. I flew over there. I was a bit scared at first so I meet him in public place, the airport. My fears were for no reason. I felt the biggest joy in my heart from the first time I saw his face, still...... I don't think it really matters which country you meet in, as long as there is a back up plan should it be needed for a first time meeting. I had enough credit cards and ability to grab a hotel room if I needed too. I would recommend that to anyone if you can.

[katiecat08]

Hmmm..well my SO will be flying over here hopefully sometime soon because due to my job I cant just hop a plane randomly to see him.:/

[ChibiFelicia]

First time we met my man came to see me. We decided we'd meet at the airport and if anything seemed off he'd go to a hotel. Instead we met, got some food and went straight back to my place. I live alone so in hindsight it wasn't a good idea. Ihad only been speaking to him online for 6months and "together" for 3. We didn't make our relationship official till we met. My mum was so worried about me 'he could be an axe murderer!'. His mum same thing lol. But we've both lived alone for many years so they trust that we would look after ourselves. As i said, in hindsight we should've stayed in a more public place and i should've got a friend to go with me. It's not something i'd normally do, meeting someone online by myself but with him....i jsut didn't feel the need.

[Polychromize]

Thank you for everyone's imput.

I am the younger me and the female but I would be the one flying to him. I am from Canada, he from USA. I have spoken with his mother on fb before and his family knows about me and i about him. He has not hidden(as far as I know) any aspect of his life to me. We have not made anything official online as we both need physical closeness to deem anything a relationship, hence why I'm going ape and am so desperate to see him. He is very shy and sheltered and doesn't reciprocate but I think he would enjoy it. Just wish he would talk about his expectations with me.

Thoughts?

[lucybelle]

Can you pay for his ticket? That way you can get the visit you want, but you don't have to put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

[Brieasaurus]

We have not made anything official online as we both need physical closeness to deem anything a relationship, hence why I'm going ape and am so desperate to see him. He is very shy and sheltered and doesn't reciprocate but I think he would enjoy it. Just wish he would talk about his expectations with me.

Thoughts?

How long have you guys been together? Have you skyped? After skyping with my SO and realizing that there weren't any dead bodies hanging around or anything weird about him, I wanted to fly to see him. He ended up coming here though for both of our visits. Next time it'll be me going there.

To be honest, if he is really shy and sheltered, you'd probably be best going to see him so you don't take him away from the environment he feels comfortable in. You could stay in a hotel so that way you both have space if things don't work out. Or you could buy his tickets, there's just no guarantees that he'll actually fly out (I had a friend that had such bad anxiety and was super shy that the day before a trip, she'd fake ill and get out of it even if she wanted to go). I think your first step should be talking it out and figuring out what the both of you really want and how to move forward.

[Polychromize]

How long have you guys been together? Have you skyped? After skyping with my SO and realizing that there weren't any dead bodies hanging around or anything weird about him, I wanted to fly to see him. He ended up coming here though for both of our visits. Next time it'll be me going there.

To be honest, if he is really shy and sheltered, you'd probably be best going to see him so you don't take him away from the environment he feels comfortable in. You could stay in a hotel so that way you both have space if things don't work out. Or you could buy his tickets, there's just no guarantees that he'll actually fly out (I had a friend that had such bad anxiety and was super shy that the day before a trip, she'd fake ill and get out of it even if she wanted to go). I think your first step should be talking it out and figuring out what the both of you really want and how to move forward.

He is technologically challenged (not really but doesn't have a smart phone or a computer, hence no Skype-- if he had Skype I'd probably have gone and see him already! LOL)

I would have no problem flying here except he wouldn't really enjoy it here. There's not much to do and the weather SUCKS. I agree with finding a hotel and whatnot. Also I would be flying alone and I would want to go to a public place to eat or something to make sure he wasn't a total creep.

I really want to see him but am so paranoid thanks to my mother lol. It won't stop me though. I am an experienced traveller and have been places by myself. Just watching some videos of LDRs meeting and 99% of them are the guys flying.

As for lucybelle, I would have to see which option he chooses. I want it to be up to him as we have a basement suit so if he wanted time alone he could go. Or if we wanted to be alone we could seclude ourselves. But then there would be my mother hankering around when I just wanna be quiet and hold him LOL.

Thanks for your guys perspectives. I really appreciate it.

[squeeker]

Well if you haven't skyped then it makes it a bit scarier. However I wanted to put my two cents in because I flew to see my boyfriend for the first time and I'm a female and younger than him (by a year and 4 months though, not much!!). I had known him online for a year and about a month and we'd been official for a couple of months. We talked practically every day, and I knew I could trust him from seeing him and hearing him on video call and also because of other things and how he was so open with me about everything and I coudn't see why or how someone could say things he told me if they were lying about themselves.

I think it depends on how well you know him and how long you've been together. Make sure you have a backup plan like the others say, having money available for a hotel if needed. Offer to pay for him to come visit you might be a good idea as well. Obviously every relationship is different so find out what works for you two and go with that!