Costs :(

[phoenix-]

Hi, everyone! So the move is almost here (Est. Date: June 24th). The plan is that he will fly here so that he, my dog, and I can all drive to FL together. I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time! I did end up deciding to live with him afterall. He's apartment-/house-hunting right now. Since I'm moving across the country for us anyway, I might as well go all or nothing, right?

I have so many questions that I wish I could ask those who've successfully done or are planning to do this move-for-love adventure, but, right now, the most pressing matter is money.

If all goes well, I will have a job lined up starting July 8th. I will get my last full paycheck on 6/18 and another half-check on 7/2. One of my biggest worries is that I will run out of money with all the expenses associated to this move and the settling down afterwards. For example, my NV car registration is lapsing on 7/10, which means I will likely register it in FL instead of just renewing it here in NV. I'm sure there will be insurance costs to worry about as well. Then there are apartment costs, deposits, utilities, fuel, and so many other things to worry about. I still have fully-paid credit cards to fall back on, but I really don't want to touch them unless absolutely necessary.

So I suppose my questions right now are:
Did you have money saved up before you moved?
(Or do you plan on having money saved up before moving?)
If so, how much?
How was your financial situation after the move?
Any unexpected expenses?

I would also love to hear your own experiences during and after your move, whether they relate to costs or not. Did you feel prepared? Did moving in together work out well in the end? Is there anything you wish you would have known or prepared for before moving? Any tips, words of wisdom, etc. would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, and if it's not too much to ask, I would love to hear some success stories. Please, please, share your joy so my nervousness can be put to rest, lol!

[lucybelle]

I had a significant amount saved up as did my SO. Financial stuff can make everything 100 times more stressful. Save up as much as you can before you make the move. You'll have enough new things to deal with, you don't want money issues on top of that.

[lyonsgirl]

We haven't closed the distance yet, but we have been saving for when we finally do. I have been able to put a lot more into it than he has, because of my career. I currently have about 2 1/2 months of my salary saved, I plan on continuing to save, even beyond the closing the distance date.

I highly recommend looking into how much all of those things will cost. And add say, 10% to each one, just in case. You should always plan on having more money than you need, especially when it comes to moving. Since you're driving from NV to FL, what about hotels on the way? Make sure you find some that are pet friendly so your fur-baby can stay with you too. (There are a ton everywhere, just google search for "pet friendly hotels". I've moved a few times and my cats and I have stayed in pet friendly hotels.)

I'm not sure I'll ever be really "prepared" for closing the distance, partially because when we do close the distance, we will also be getting married. But hey, closing the distance is exciting. You'll be just fine, don't stress too much about it.

[kattermole]

We've managed to save up a few thousand pounds, but we'll be surviving on my salary alone for a while so we wanted to have that buffer. I own my own home and maintain that with my own salary so we don't have any of the worries about deposits and bills to worry about so much, but I am a bit worried about affording any big things until my SO gets a job here, such as car repairs or a broken washing machine etc. We just plan to be very careful until we're on an even keel although it is important to us we still have some spare cash to do things together such as cinema trips, the occasional meal out.

[chizatlauren]

We've been saving up the last five months, and we have a couple of thousand dollars for his trip, and a little more money for our future together. I'm going to take up my Master's degree in September (and he's going to take his Bachelor's in September too) and for two years all we'll do is save, save and save. After I finish my master's then we'll close the distance and live in the US. Money is never easy, but you have to have the real motivation to do it. Goodluck on closing the distance dear! I hope we all become CD!

[phoenix-]

Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for the support and the responses. I'm still trying to get a ballpark, but, either way, I feel much better now. I'll just save up as much as I can. I'll likely have a couple of thousand by the time I start the drive to FL. The idea of having a job a little more than a week after arriving and the fact that L. will continue to have a steady income (plus a bit of a raise) are really reassuring. Like lyonsgirl, I'm plan to keep saving even after the move. Now that I'm in the habit of putting money away, I really can't imagine not doing it. I would love to have more money before moving, but I really can't delay this relocation much longer specially with a job lined up, leases, car registration, and insurance ending all at once, and L.'s transition into senior residency. We have so much change ahead of us. It's so exciting now that I've gotten past the nervousness!

[Jess!]

Hi there!If possible I would like to ask some things too!
But first I would like to tell you about me and my SO. He works full time, I don't, just during the weekends, because I am finishing college. Yay! This makes me very nervous, because we will close the distance in July but I don't have any savings and I don't want to rely on my parents, nor on my boyfriend. I think what will happen is that my SO will help me with the costs without stress or anger, because I would do the same for him! I think for a while you will have to reduce your costs of living? but since you have a job lined up it will be easier, I think. Good luck!

What I would like to ask you is: For those who are still studying and have a small job/gig how are you managing all the finances? My mom is an engineer and my father has a small business. So he does not has a salary, he is depedent on who actually takes his services. So this made/makes a lot of stress for them, because my mom always argues with my dad, saying he does not contribute to all the expenses. This is a bit ridiculous, because she knew about his condition when they decided to have kids... and because of her experience, my mom gets pissed off when she knows my SO is helping me with, for instance, the costs of travelling. since I work I payed him the amount of money he borrowed me and this is never something we argue about. We know we don't want to be like my parents, but I am so afraid that in July (when we close the distance) he would have to support me for a while
Does this makes a lot of stress for you?
How do you work through that?

Good luck with everything, Phoenix!
Hugs!
and thanks

[iHeartt]

Hello!!
We closed the distance in January & thing are still going GREAT!!!
To answer some of your questions... I did have some money saved up. And I started my job the day after we moved me to his house. The first couple checks were just playing catch up. I lived in my own apartment before I moved & I didn't figure in the expenses of cutting everything off. Those are the only surprise costs I ran into. I was lucky because my SO told me not to worry about paying any household bills for the first 2 months I was here so I could get caught up! But after the first 2 paychecks I got (I get paid every 2 weeks) , things were much better!
Currently, things are wonderful! It's the best move I've ever made!
Some tips for ya, spend time with your friends & family before you leave!
Unfortunately, your nerves won't be "put to rest" till you actually move!! I was scared, happy, excited, sad, nervous, you name it, it was there! I was a complete basket case!! But once I moved & got into a routine, everything settled. I am looking forward to visiting my friends & family, just have to work it around my work schedule!!!
Sorry this is so long, good luck with you!!

[phoenix-]

Hello!!
We closed the distance in January & thing are still going GREAT!!!
To answer some of your questions... I did have some money saved up. And I started my job the day after we moved me to his house. The first couple checks were just playing catch up. I lived in my own apartment before I moved & I didn't figure in the expenses of cutting everything off. Those are the only surprise costs I ran into. I was lucky because my SO told me not to worry about paying any household bills for the first 2 months I was here so I could get caught up! But after the first 2 paychecks I got (I get paid every 2 weeks) , things were much better!
Currently, things are wonderful! It's the best move I've ever made!
Some tips for ya, spend time with your friends & family before you leave!
Unfortunately, your nerves won't be "put to rest" till you actually move!! I was scared, happy, excited, sad, nervous, you name it, it was there! I was a complete basket case!! But once I moved & got into a routine, everything settled. I am looking forward to visiting my friends & family, just have to work it around my work schedule!!!
Sorry this is so long, good luck with you!!

Oh my god, don't apologize, I love this! I love that it's long, 'coz it's exactly the kind of thing I need to hear. What to watch out for and what you're loving about it. I get so caught up with what I need to worry about that it gets hard to be as excited as I know I am about this whole thing. Thank you!

[phoenix-]

Hi there!If possible I would like to ask some things too!
But first I would like to tell you about me and my SO. He works full time, I don't, just during the weekends, because I am finishing college. Yay! This makes me very nervous, because we will close the distance in July but I don't have any savings and I don't want to rely on my parents, nor on my boyfriend. I think what will happen is that my SO will help me with the costs without stress or anger, because I would do the same for him! I think for a while you will have to reduce your costs of living? but since you have a job lined up it will be easier, I think. Good luck!

What I would like to ask you is: For those who are still studying and have a small job/gig how are you managing all the finances? My mom is an engineer and my father has a small business. So he does not has a salary, he is depedent on who actually takes his services. So this made/makes a lot of stress for them, because my mom always argues with my dad, saying he does not contribute to all the expenses. This is a bit ridiculous, because she knew about his condition when they decided to have kids... and because of her experience, my mom gets pissed off when she knows my SO is helping me with, for instance, the costs of travelling. since I work I payed him the amount of money he borrowed me and this is never something we argue about. We know we don't want to be like my parents, but I am so afraid that in July (when we close the distance) he would have to support me for a while
Does this makes a lot of stress for you?
How do you work through that?

Good luck with everything, Phoenix!
Hugs!
and thanks

Hi, Jess. As it happens, I do have experience with living with someone who had to support me for a little bit. Interestingly enough, the situation bothered me so much more than it bothered my ex. In fact, he really seemed happy about the idea of supporting me. On the other hand, I was constantly unhappy and/or defensive about the whole situation. It stressed ME out. The fact that he kept having to reassure me eventually just wore down on our relationship until my unhappiness and constant irritation/unease diminished his desire to take care of me.

I really don't like blanket statements but, from my experience, men are better at taking care of their spouses (financially?) than women. Men don't get as resentful as some women I've met who take pride on bringing home the bacon and, at the same time, secretly resent their partners for it. Men tend to be very sincere about wanting the women in their lives to be happy. They thrive on being needed while we, women, thrive on being wanted.

So my biggest advice would be to focus on appreciating his support instead of worrying about it. Appreciation is good. Worrying too much causes damage, as it did in my case.

Anyway, congratulations and good luck to you too! So happy for us.

[Jess!]

Hi, Jess. As it happens, I do have experience with living with someone who had to support me for a little bit. Interestingly enough, the situation bothered me so much more than it bothered my ex. In fact, he really seemed happy about the idea of supporting me. On the other hand, I was constantly unhappy and/or defensive about the whole situation. It stressed ME out. The fact that he kept having to reassure me eventually just wore down on our relationship until my unhappiness and constant irritation/unease diminished his desire to take care of me.

I really don't like blanket statements but, from my experience, men are better at taking care of their spouses (financially?) than women. Men don't get as resentful as some women I've met who take pride on bringing home the bacon and, at the same time, secretly resent their partners for it. Men tend to be very sincere about wanting the women in their lives to be happy. They thrive on being needed while we, women, thrive on being wanted.

So my biggest advice would be to focus on appreciating his support instead of worrying about it. Appreciation is good. Worrying too much causes damage, as it did in my case.

Anyway, congratulations and good luck to you too! So happy for us.

Thank you! it is nice to have some advice from someone who's been is this situation. I think I have to come to terms with this situation and that is okay for me, I think I am getting used to the idea and he knows I will make it up to him when the time comes. Thank you so much

I wish you all the luck too!