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16 and not knowing whether to break it off!

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    16 and not knowing whether to break it off!

    I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my partner of just over a month and a half. I'm 16 and will be entering my third year of highschool at summer's end, while my partner is 18, having just graduated highschool. We fell in love with each other during a two-week period after we met at a dinner party. He was an exchange student and after two weeks, he was sent back to Indonesia, far away from my home in California. We texted all the time when we were in the same county, meeting as often as we could. Now that he is in another country, our main forms of communication are through fb and an iPod that he gave me.

    The trouble is I don't feel nearly as close to him as I did when I could see him on a daily basis. He wants to communicate multiple times a day but I find that hard to reciprocate. Recently he mentioned that we have a slight "communication problem", but I feel fine messaging or having conversations 1-2 times a day. Sometimes, I am not available (since I can only contact him over wi-fi) for a few days or more. The thing is, it hurts me every time he tells me he loves me, wants to be with me, and how he wants to marry me because it is clear we won't be together on a consistent basis for at least 4 years. How can I explain to him that I feel sad when we say "I love you" to each other? Moreover, I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship that will lead soon to marriage. It doesn't help that since we are gay (and I have only confided to one friend about it) and I have kept it a secret from my family. I guess I'll have to decide whether to pursue this relationship while in highschool or end it before I get hurt too much. When we're apart, I feel so lonely and I just can't handle the emotional stress of it all.
    So basically are problems are these:
    -I can't communicate as much as he wants me to.
    -I'm still a minor and my parents might not approve of our gay sexual relationship.
    -While I was in love with him when I could see him every day, I feel increasingly distatched from him.
    -I have a desire to explore before getting into such a serious relationship, but my partner is ready to get really serious (like talking of marriage)
    -There is little chance I will get to see him for more than a few weeks at a time for the next 2-4 years.
    -I need to figure out who I am more before I am in a serious relationship.

    So my question to you all out there is "Is this a relationship that is worth pursuing or should I break it off knowing that our relationship will not be stable in the near future?"

    I guess our biggest problems is that he could have trouble getting into a musical college here in the U.S., which determines hoe much he will be in the U.S. in the future, and that he does not have a green card yet.

    Thank you so much for your advice!
    -Alex H.
    Last edited by ahutchins74; July 29, 2013, 12:39 AM. Reason: To make it easier to read.

    #2
    Hi Alex. If you reread your post, I think you'll find that you've answered your question yourself. It's hard, but it sounds like you already know this relationship just isn't the right thing to pursue at this time, you're really young and have WAY too much to experience yet, before settling down the way he wants you to. You sound like a pretty smart, self-aware kid, you know you don't want to waste so much of your youth waiting around. Go out and have fun, eventually come out to your parents, make your mistakes, and do stupid guy stuff before you commit to anything so serious. Your boyfriend is probably a great guy, he just came around too early in your life. Good luck.
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      Originally posted by Moon View Post
      Hi Alex. If you reread your post, I think you'll find that you've answered your question yourself. It's hard, but it sounds like you already know this relationship just isn't the right thing to pursue at this time, you're really young and have WAY too much to experience yet, before settling down the way he wants you to. You sound like a pretty smart, self-aware kid, you know you don't want to waste so much of your youth waiting around. Go out and have fun, eventually come out to your parents, make your mistakes, and do stupid guy stuff before you commit to anything so serious. Your boyfriend is probably a great guy, he just came around too early in your life. Good luck.
      Couldn't have said it better myself.

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