I don't know what to do.

[keyblade]

Hello everyone. This is actually going to be my very first post on this board, as I just stumbled upon it when googling some things.
Before I explain my problem, I will give you some background information on my boyfriend and I. We have been dating for over 3 years, and I finally got to visit him July 1st. I stayed with him for a month, and much to my dismay my flight was scheduled to come home yesterday morning. Meeting him in person wasn't awkward, it was completely natural. He was exactly the same as he was on skype, and so was I. We already know everything about each other, and the only difference was the touching, and just feeling amazing to actually be in the presence of each other. Now that I'm home, I feel so out of place. I felt so "at home" there. I felt like I belonged. I can't stop thinking of all the wonderful memories we've made, and how sweet and caring he was to me. He wiped my tears before I left because I couldn't stop crying and he watched me go through security and looked at me with sad yet loving eyes through this big glass window that now separated us. Leaving him was one of the hardest things that I've ever done.

Now you might be thinking, "if you feel this way then just move in with him," but it's not that easy. I'm still young, only nineteen years old. My parents treat me as though I am 13 still. It was difficult to get them to even let me go visit him. I'm their youngest girl so they protect me to no end. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for it, but sometimes I wish they would treat me my age. It's probably because I've never done anything rebellious or bad and they think I'm innocent and naive and need to be protected, but it isn't that way at all. If anything I think it makes me mature that I've never experimented with drugs and things like that. But anyways, my parents would be heart broken if I made the decision to move out. They are very old fashioned thinkers, and they think he should be the one to move here. The thing is, I don't like it here. I don't feel like I belong here. I didn't feel like I belonged her before I even met my boyfriend. Going to visit him made me feel so many different wonderful things, and one of them was a sense of being where I'm supposed to be, and now that I'm home I miss it more than anything. I miss him more than anything. He still lives with his parents, and they absolutely adore me. Now, aside from my parents, here is yet another issue I'm having. I'm starting college in the fall, and my tuition is 20,000. This isn't AWFUL, but it's still going to put me in debt for many years. I only managed a 3,000 dollar scholarship even though I had a 102 average in high school. The reason I'm going to this school is because my parents didn't want me to go to a school out of state, and there aren't many options near where I live. I love the school, it's absolutely beautiful, but the school by my boyfriend's tuition would be significantly cheaper. I'm going into nursing, and I probably won't be able to transfer if I start my second semester because my first semester is only prereqs then starts the actual program.

I'm extremely conflicted because I feel like my heart wants me to be there, but I know I would just hurt my parents, and for that I can't leave just yet. I just don't want to feel this way. Now that I've met him, and I've been able to actually hold hands and cuddle and kiss and go to the movies together and go on dates and just do so many things that I can't do here, I feel like I'm missing out. I thought it would be a good idea to maybe go to school there like any college kid does and live with my boyfriend while I'm in school and visit my parents for all my breaks. I can't bring myself to do what my heart wants because of my parents. I know that I'm young, but I know what I want, and I know that this relationship is going to last forever (everyone says that, but I'm entirely sure).

If any of you have been in a similar situation, could you guys possibly give me some insight? What did you do about it, and how did it make you feel? Do you regret your decisions?

I want to do what's best for me, and I just know I'm not going to be happy being here.

[aniay]

I will tell you what you probably heard many times already. You are young. Why not finish college and then decide to move, you'll be older and hopefully self sufficient by then.

I wanted to move to my boyfriend instantly and I'm older but decided that good things are worth waiting for and I stayed to finish my school even though I'm not very happ y here.

Your parents are treating you like a 13 yo because by 19 you are still a teenager only with more previliges.

Don't do the mistake of running away with a guy because you can't take your current life. At some point you might regret it for the rest of your life.

And if you wait for each other untill you are really ready, you will know how much you trully care about each other.

[keyblade]

I will tell you what you probably heard many times already. You are young. Why not finish college and then decide to move, you'll be older and hopefully self sufficient by then.

I wanted to move to my boyfriend instantly and I'm older but decided that good things are worth waiting for and I stayed to finish my school even though I'm not very happ y here.

Your parents are treating you like a 13 yo because by 19 you are still a teenager only with more previliges.

Don't do the mistake of running away with a guy because you can't take your current life. At some point you might regret it for the rest of your life.

And if you wait for each other untill you are really ready, you will know how much you trully care about each other.

I totally agree with you, I'm just having a difficult time because it's so new. We haven't planned the next time we are going to meet yet, so I have nothing to look forward to. I am trying to stay positive, it just hurts knowing I'm missing out on so much.

[BabyGund]

I say go to school and get your degree. You've been dating since you were 16...people change and mature, especially once they go to college. It will also make you self-sufficient and able to get in job in his area (or anywhere else for that matter) once you graduate.

You've made it this far in your relationship together! Hang in there - you're experiencing the typical PVC - post visit crash. It feels devastating now. But start school in a few weeks, get on a schedule and routine, continue communicating with your SO and it'll get less devastating and more bearable.

[aniay]

I totally agree with you, I'm just having a difficult time because it's so new. We haven't planned the next time we are going to meet yet, so I have nothing to look forward to. I am trying to stay positive, it just hurts knowing I'm missing out on so much.

Then plan as much as you want. Plans are made to be changed but if you have them you can always try to make them possible. Maybe plan for him visiting next time.

[BabyGund]

And to LFAD!

[keyblade]

Yeah. I've already done a semester of college, just had to take a semester off because of a move.
Thank you!

[Ejoriah]

I know how you feel. Seriously. When I started dating my current boyfriend, we were scrambling to find him a job in my town. I was looking at transferring universities to his state (note: we had been pretty good friends for 4 years at that point so I felt I knew him well enough to want to make this kind of decision). Well... the town I live in is a college town, with the VAST majority of available jobs being seasonal/temporary/entry-level/whatever uni students will do. My SO's degree in computer science landed him a very nice (for his first "real" job after graduation) job and it didn't make sense financially for him to leave that.

On the other hand, moving universities would be impractical for me because I do not have a car. In the town I currently live in the bus system is very good so that was never a problem, but in Texas... yeah, that just won't cut it. At that time I had one big scholarship (I now have an additional two smaller ones, yay) and moving universities would have been financially nightmarish. It just made no sense for us to do that when we were both doing financially relatively well in our respective states.

So now we're tentatively setting the end in sight for after I graduate, in a year. I am thinking of going to grad school, so we might need to be long distance for even longer, depending on whether it makes financial sense for him to move to wherever I end up going to grad school. Hang in there! It's tough but your education is worth so much.

[keyblade]

I know how you feel. Seriously. When I started dating my current boyfriend, we were scrambling to find him a job in my town. I was looking at transferring universities to his state (note: we had been pretty good friends for 4 years at that point so I felt I knew him well enough to want to make this kind of decision). Well... the town I live in is a college town, with the VAST majority of available jobs being seasonal/temporary/entry-level/whatever uni students will do. My SO's degree in computer science landed him a very nice (for his first "real" job after graduation) job and it didn't make sense financially for him to leave that.

On the other hand, moving universities would be impractical for me because I do not have a car. In the town I currently live in the bus system is very good so that was never a problem, but in Texas... yeah, that just won't cut it. At that time I had one big scholarship (I now have an additional two smaller ones, yay) and moving universities would have been financially nightmarish. It just made no sense for us to do that when we were both doing financially relatively well in our respective states.

So now we're tentatively setting the end in sight for after I graduate, in a year. I am thinking of going to grad school, so we might need to be long distance for even longer, depending on whether it makes financial sense for him to move to wherever I end up going to grad school. Hang in there! It's tough but your education is worth so much.

The problem for me is that if I start school where I was currently planning on going, tuition is 21,000 a year, and I only got 3,000 dollars in scholarships. My remaining balance WITH loans is currently 8,000. If I went to the school near where my boyfriend lives it would cost less than my remaining balance, without loans. I wouldn't be going there to live with him, I would just stay with him while I go to school. It wouldn't be for the purpose of moving in with my boyfriend, that would just be a plus. It's just something to think about. I don't want to be in debt for several years after I graduate.

[Tooki]

The problem for me is that if I start school where I was currently planning on going, tuition is 21,000 a year, and I only got 3,000 dollars in scholarships. My remaining balance WITH loans is currently 8,000. If I went to the school near where my boyfriend lives it would cost less than my remaining balance, without loans. I wouldn't be going there to live with him, I would just stay with him while I go to school. It wouldn't be for the purpose of moving in with my boyfriend, that would just be a plus. It's just something to think about. I don't want to be in debt for several years after I graduate.

Would you go to the school near your boyfriend if you weren't dating him?

[keyblade]

Would you go to the school near your boyfriend if you weren't dating him?

No, I wouldn't have known the college was there.

[Zephii]

"if you feel this way then just move in with him," but it's not that easy.

Mate, if it were ever that easy, there wouldn't be a board full of us sad fucks

Seriously though, it is the nature of how things go that kids grow up and move out. It would be a sad day for your parents, but unless there's something wrong, they should be able to congratulate themselves on your graduating to life in the real world.

I'm wondering if you can't delay starting college for a year while you figure stuff out. You could temporarily move to where he is, get a full-time job to help you pay your tuition off and then, re-assess at the end of it when you have a better idea of if this relationship is going anywhere?

[LadyDaemon]

Mate, if it were ever that easy, there wouldn't be a board full of us sad fucks

Seriously though, it is the nature of how things go that kids grow up and move out. It would be a sad day for your parents, but unless there's something wrong, they should be able to congratulate themselves on your graduating to life in the real world.

This. All.Of.This.

[keyblade]

Mate, if it were ever that easy, there wouldn't be a board full of us sad fucks

Seriously though, it is the nature of how things go that kids grow up and move out. It would be a sad day for your parents, but unless there's something wrong, they should be able to congratulate themselves on your graduating to life in the real world.

I'm wondering if you can't delay starting college for a year while you figure stuff out. You could temporarily move to where he is, get a full-time job to help you pay your tuition off and then, re-assess at the end of it when you have a better idea of if this relationship is going anywhere?

This is perfect. I have decided to call my college and let them know that I will not be attending. Because, regardless, I need to find a cheaper school. Whether it be where he lives or not. I am applying for better jobs because my current job is minimum wage.