Hello everyone. This is actually going to be my very first post on this board, as I just stumbled upon it when googling some things.
Before I explain my problem, I will give you some background information on my boyfriend and I. We have been dating for over 3 years, and I finally got to visit him July 1st. I stayed with him for a month, and much to my dismay my flight was scheduled to come home yesterday morning. Meeting him in person wasn't awkward, it was completely natural. He was exactly the same as he was on skype, and so was I. We already know everything about each other, and the only difference was the touching, and just feeling amazing to actually be in the presence of each other. Now that I'm home, I feel so out of place. I felt so "at home" there. I felt like I belonged. I can't stop thinking of all the wonderful memories we've made, and how sweet and caring he was to me. He wiped my tears before I left because I couldn't stop crying and he watched me go through security and looked at me with sad yet loving eyes through this big glass window that now separated us. Leaving him was one of the hardest things that I've ever done.
Now you might be thinking, "if you feel this way then just move in with him," but it's not that easy. I'm still young, only nineteen years old. My parents treat me as though I am 13 still. It was difficult to get them to even let me go visit him. I'm their youngest girl so they protect me to no end. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for it, but sometimes I wish they would treat me my age. It's probably because I've never done anything rebellious or bad and they think I'm innocent and naive and need to be protected, but it isn't that way at all. If anything I think it makes me mature that I've never experimented with drugs and things like that. But anyways, my parents would be heart broken if I made the decision to move out. They are very old fashioned thinkers, and they think he should be the one to move here. The thing is, I don't like it here. I don't feel like I belong here. I didn't feel like I belonged her before I even met my boyfriend. Going to visit him made me feel so many different wonderful things, and one of them was a sense of being where I'm supposed to be, and now that I'm home I miss it more than anything. I miss him more than anything. He still lives with his parents, and they absolutely adore me. Now, aside from my parents, here is yet another issue I'm having. I'm starting college in the fall, and my tuition is 20,000. This isn't AWFUL, but it's still going to put me in debt for many years. I only managed a 3,000 dollar scholarship even though I had a 102 average in high school. The reason I'm going to this school is because my parents didn't want me to go to a school out of state, and there aren't many options near where I live. I love the school, it's absolutely beautiful, but the school by my boyfriend's tuition would be significantly cheaper. I'm going into nursing, and I probably won't be able to transfer if I start my second semester because my first semester is only prereqs then starts the actual program.
I'm extremely conflicted because I feel like my heart wants me to be there, but I know I would just hurt my parents, and for that I can't leave just yet. I just don't want to feel this way. Now that I've met him, and I've been able to actually hold hands and cuddle and kiss and go to the movies together and go on dates and just do so many things that I can't do here, I feel like I'm missing out. I thought it would be a good idea to maybe go to school there like any college kid does and live with my boyfriend while I'm in school and visit my parents for all my breaks. I can't bring myself to do what my heart wants because of my parents. I know that I'm young, but I know what I want, and I know that this relationship is going to last forever (everyone says that, but I'm entirely sure).
If any of you have been in a similar situation, could you guys possibly give me some insight? What did you do about it, and how did it make you feel? Do you regret your decisions?
I want to do what's best for me, and I just know I'm not going to be happy being here.
Before I explain my problem, I will give you some background information on my boyfriend and I. We have been dating for over 3 years, and I finally got to visit him July 1st. I stayed with him for a month, and much to my dismay my flight was scheduled to come home yesterday morning. Meeting him in person wasn't awkward, it was completely natural. He was exactly the same as he was on skype, and so was I. We already know everything about each other, and the only difference was the touching, and just feeling amazing to actually be in the presence of each other. Now that I'm home, I feel so out of place. I felt so "at home" there. I felt like I belonged. I can't stop thinking of all the wonderful memories we've made, and how sweet and caring he was to me. He wiped my tears before I left because I couldn't stop crying and he watched me go through security and looked at me with sad yet loving eyes through this big glass window that now separated us. Leaving him was one of the hardest things that I've ever done.
Now you might be thinking, "if you feel this way then just move in with him," but it's not that easy. I'm still young, only nineteen years old. My parents treat me as though I am 13 still. It was difficult to get them to even let me go visit him. I'm their youngest girl so they protect me to no end. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for it, but sometimes I wish they would treat me my age. It's probably because I've never done anything rebellious or bad and they think I'm innocent and naive and need to be protected, but it isn't that way at all. If anything I think it makes me mature that I've never experimented with drugs and things like that. But anyways, my parents would be heart broken if I made the decision to move out. They are very old fashioned thinkers, and they think he should be the one to move here. The thing is, I don't like it here. I don't feel like I belong here. I didn't feel like I belonged her before I even met my boyfriend. Going to visit him made me feel so many different wonderful things, and one of them was a sense of being where I'm supposed to be, and now that I'm home I miss it more than anything. I miss him more than anything. He still lives with his parents, and they absolutely adore me. Now, aside from my parents, here is yet another issue I'm having. I'm starting college in the fall, and my tuition is 20,000. This isn't AWFUL, but it's still going to put me in debt for many years. I only managed a 3,000 dollar scholarship even though I had a 102 average in high school. The reason I'm going to this school is because my parents didn't want me to go to a school out of state, and there aren't many options near where I live. I love the school, it's absolutely beautiful, but the school by my boyfriend's tuition would be significantly cheaper. I'm going into nursing, and I probably won't be able to transfer if I start my second semester because my first semester is only prereqs then starts the actual program.
I'm extremely conflicted because I feel like my heart wants me to be there, but I know I would just hurt my parents, and for that I can't leave just yet. I just don't want to feel this way. Now that I've met him, and I've been able to actually hold hands and cuddle and kiss and go to the movies together and go on dates and just do so many things that I can't do here, I feel like I'm missing out. I thought it would be a good idea to maybe go to school there like any college kid does and live with my boyfriend while I'm in school and visit my parents for all my breaks. I can't bring myself to do what my heart wants because of my parents. I know that I'm young, but I know what I want, and I know that this relationship is going to last forever (everyone says that, but I'm entirely sure).
If any of you have been in a similar situation, could you guys possibly give me some insight? What did you do about it, and how did it make you feel? Do you regret your decisions?
I want to do what's best for me, and I just know I'm not going to be happy being here.
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